1st Of August
Mrs Holman-Reynolds. I like it. It has a clever ring to it, don’t you think?
The reason why I’m going on about this is because we’ve set a date for our wedding! It’s going to be on the 18th of April next year. How excited am I? And on top of that, there is only eight days until my due date. It’s so scary because Grandmere is coming down from France in four more days and some of Mum’s sisters are coming down from New Zealand in five more days. Obviously Mum hasn’t told them we’re not talking, then.
2nd Of August
Oh my gosh. I hate being pregnant: not only is the twins moving more than kicking, I can’t get my shoes on. This is horrible, none of my good shoes will go on because I’m so big. All I can wear now is flip flops, a loose old top and some tracksuit bottoms. I’m not even going outside now because I’m so fat, I’m scared people will look at me and stare. I hate that.
Dad texted me today, saying this Julie girl is going to be staying with him for three nights and he wants me to come over in to say hi. This is what we said.
Dad: Can u come ova 2murru to meet JA?
Me: How bout no
Dad: That is selfish, you r goin to c her 2murru whether u like it or not
Me: Whatever, as long as there will b food
JA is Julie-Amber I think, by what Dad has been telling me. I don’t even want to meet this girl, you can already tell she’s going to be trouble because Dad asked me to come see her. Well, if says anything rude or nasty to me she’ll know about it.
3rd Of August
I went to see this Julie like I said I would. I brought Bailey along too just in case this girl is scared of dogs.
She eight, like Dad said and she’s not scared of dogs. But she was rude to me though.
“Who are you?” Julie barked, looking up from her magazine.
“I’m the daughter of this man. Who actually happened to invite me here,” I chuckled. I could already tell this girl is going to be challenging.
“What’s up with your outfit? Did you drive through the skip on the way here?” She put her magazine down and stood up, shoving me out of the manner.
I laughed. “Ooh, you are so funny! Frankenstein’s wife just rang: she wants her clothes back.”
“When you go into the sea, the whales all look at you and start singing ‘we are family’,” Julie chanted.
“Well, you are so-,” Dad stopped me in the middle of my hilarious comeback.
“You girls can stop this nonsense this instant! I know it’s going to be hard to like each other, but you will have to learn!” I knew in the look of his eyes he wanted us to get along, because it looked as if he really wants this. If Dad likes her, I’ll just have to try and be nice.
“Bitch,” I mumbled as I walked out the door. I did say try.
5th Of August
I’ve been trying to sleep, but I can’t. It’s like sleeping with a drunk David, always moving about. Although, it’s not David who is drunk, it’s the twins. (For the record, the boys are not drunk, it feels like they are). Also, I can’t get into a comfortable spot. I’m doing my best to write good things about pregnancy but I’ve just ran out. By the ninth month everything goes down hill, and there is more to come, yet.
Grandmere arrived today, she’s staying at the hotel which is an hour away from the hospital. Kylie, Joy and Sarah have arrived just today. Sarah is the eldest, she’s nearly fifty-six, then it’s Mum and then Joy comes in last, at thirty-eight. She has two girls called Molly and Olivia who are very sweet. But she couldn’t bring them because they’re scared of me.
Now that everyone has came, it’s scary that just in a few more days, me and David will be a proper family. Hopefully Bailey won’t chew the boys stuff when they get here.
7th Of August
Kylie came over and I guess she forgot I have a puppy because she screamed when she saw him hiding underneath the table.
“You are growing up so fast. How’d your mother react when you told her?” Wow. Mum’s right, she never does tell her sisters news.
“Um… Good, yeah,” I replied.
“Oh, that’s not good. What has happened?” She sat down, holding my hand.
“We’re not speaking to each other. I guess I started it, but it’s her own fault.” I complained. I then told Kylie everything, from the dog incident to... Everything else.
“Darling, she’ll come around. You stand your ground. I know your Mum more than anybody else, and I know that she will say sorry first because there is more important stuff in life than being selfish like she is being,” Kylie said, smiling.
“Thanks aunt Kylie,” I yawned. Being this pregnant makes me tired.
8th Of August
What is wrong with me??? I was expecting the boys to be on time. Oh wait a minute, today is the eighth. I’ve been one day ahead because I’m so anxious.
I can’t write much, because I’m so excited and so nervous at the same time. I’m just so tired, I think I’ll get my beauty sleep ready for the big day tomorrow. So ecstatic!
9th Of August
Nothing. Zero. Zilch. No babies, not even one. This is so annoying. I was desperate to get them out today but now it’s nine ‘o clock and nothing has happened, I haven’t even felt a twinge. Why is this happening to me???
“It’s early days, Jess. You never know, they could be on it’s way right now,” David said, not taking his eyes of the television.
“Dave? Does this look like a hospital? No! So they are not on their way, keep your stupid comments to yourself,” I snapped.
Silence.
“Sorry, I’m just a bit cranky,” I said, after ten seconds of an odd silence.
“That’s okay. I totally understand,” David reassured me.
Well. That’s all that happened that night. I couldn’t sleep so I sat down with Bailey and watched How To Look Good Naked and ate biscuits all the way through, then I played Connect Four on my own while David slept. Hopefully, tomorrow will be the day. I’m positive of it.
10th Of August
Today is not the day. I haven’t felt nothing and it’s starting to make me emotional. David and I looked up on the internet ways to kick start the labour. Things like eating spicy foods, sucking on a lemon and taking a long walk can work. So David went out and bought three lemons (I forced him to suck on one too, I was NOT going to do it on my own). It didn’t work and it wasn’t very tasty, either. Then for dinner we had a ton of spicy Chinese food. It was delicious but didn’t work. Harry called, asking if I’m in the hospital. Well, obviously not because I answered the home phone. He then said we should take a long walk. So we did. We was going to anyway.
I took Bailey with us down this peaceful footpath. The sun was shining, the sky was clear blue and flowers were blooming. How nice does that sound? I was really agitated because I couldn’t feel nothing and Bailey was barking at everything in sight and David was giving me an explanation of all the flowers.
“Dave, babe, nobody actually cares.” I moaned.
“Oh, okay. I’m just trying to make it more entertaining,” David snivelled, joking.
Come on boys! Come out!
11th Of August
I can’t actually believe I’m two days late. This is getting ridiculous. I phoned up my midwife and she said all we can do is wait and hope they’ll come sooner rather than later; if not, I’ll have to be induced. And nobody wants that, especially me.
David says for me to relax but all I can do is jump around. Quite literally. I’ve took Bailey out for a walk twice today and used the bed as a trampoline to see what the boys do when I move loads. I’m sure one gurgled at me.
“It’s just your imagination,” David laughed.
“Everybody thinks I’m a nutter!” I cried. “Even the neighbours don’t talk to me anymore.”
“That’s because you are a nutter,” David said, softly.
Great. Even my own fiancé is on my so-called neighbours side.
“Thanks, Davey Boy.” I teased. His mom called him that, she still does in fact. I know he hates it when other people joke around using that name.
“Haha, you are hilarious,” David got up. “Just because you’re carrying our twins doesn’t mean you can be wicked to me… I’m going to bed.”
So am I.
Oh my gosh! I got up in the middle of the night with sharp pains down below. I’m in labour. We’re going to have twins. This cannot be happening. But it is. And it’s happening now.
2:47 am I started to get horrible backaches and tummy pains every three minutes. David called the hospital and the person on the phone ordered us to the maternity block. I was using my breathing techniques I had learnt in those pregnancy lessons.
4:00 am David and I were summoned to a private room and my cervix was checked. One centimetre, she said. I used this bouncy ball to sit on and move around on to help pain, it never worked. I started shaking which is apparently normal but it didn’t feel like it to me.
5:04 am Still one centimetre. Pain is getting so much stronger but I’m not getting much pressure. David is being a darling: topping me up on energy drink, massaging my feet. Amazing.
5:30 am I told David not too, but he did anyway. He said she has the right to know. My Mum. He called my Mum. She was so excited, I really don’t see why, she hasn’t talked to me for weeks. But then she rang everybody else who is probably still asleep and now they will be arriving at seven. Maybe the boys will already be here. They might just have missed the birth.
Unlikely chance of that happening unless God decides I’ve had enough suffering.
6:19 am Two centimetres. Only eight more to go. David brought some CD’s of the ocean whooshing and stuff; he then played it on the stereo in the room. It wasn’t relaxing, because Harry did a voiceover of him chanting: “Bored, bored, bored. I’m just gonna shove my stuff under my bed and hope Mum won’t notice,” I don’t think he realised that that thing actually was recording.
8:00 am Mum, Derek, Kylie and Sarah are here. Dad is working but he said he’ll be here as soon as. The pain is immense. It’s hurting my butt hole. I’m not even kidding. The last time Joan checked me was fifteen minutes ago and I was then three centimetres. Why are these boys taking forever to come out? And causing me so much pain at the same time?
8:38 am Why does Mum have to be here? She’s complaining that I’m not doing my breathing right when my contractions come.
“She’s doing great, Karen. If you want to stay here then I suggest you keep your trap shut.” David snapped, stroking my hair off my face.
Nicely done, if I say so myself. Mum must have been committed on staying there, because she didn’t say a word until Kylie came in with a massive bag full of fish and chips. I’m in too much agony too eat.
9:20 am Dad rushed in with Susan by his side, panting. They say that the buzzer thingy wouldn’t let them in because he looked like an impostor. Dad had to show a case of ID until he was allowed to see me. Susan had to drive home and get their ID and show it to the lady speaking down the buzzer. That was the first time I laughed since two-forty-seven in the morning.
9:55 am Now this horrible pulling sensation is going on at every contraction. Oh my dear life. They last around thirty seconds and are not very calming. It feels as if I’m going to be ripped in half.
11:10 am Believe me, this isn’t something I would recommend. It’s hard for me to stand up now, because it’s a weird feeling between my legs. I got into the shower which made me feel fresh and got me less edgy and lied back down. I was desperate for an epidural (something that will take the pain away) and I was five centimetres, so I could have it.
I have a fear of needles so when I had to have this one, I panicked and cried but my gorgeous David held my hand and comforted me all the way through. He’s the best fiancé a girl could ever have. Now that I have no pain, I can get some sleep.
12:46 pm Joy came to see me. I was still asleep when she came in so she sat down for a while but then when Mum went to go check on Bailey -who had probably eaten the table legs - Joy went to sit next to David. I was half awake so I could hear their conversation.
“You really like her, don’t you?” Joy asked.
“No.” David answered. “I love her. So much, it’s hard to even explain.”
“Awww. You know, she really adores you. Don’t just think I’m saying this to you because you’re here. Trust me, she does,”
“I know,” David replied. “I adore her more than you can ever imagine.”
1:05 pm The epidural is starting to wear off! This is hopeless, now the pressure of it all is crazy. It’s so difficult to describe. It’s starting to burn, now I’m feeling gross. This really cute doctor tells me it’s fine and normal and should stop in half an hour or so. It’s so hard to take him seriously when he’s this cute.
“How old are you?” I manage to say above the anguish.
“Twenty-one,” he said.
I nod, looking interested. Then a contraction comes and it doesn’t last. David glared at him for a while after and seemed to be unimpressed. It’s also very uncomfortable when ever he goes to check my cervix David keeps going: “Whoa, there! What are you doing?” then the answer always is: “I’m just checking her cervix. So, please, chill out.”
2:35 pm Dad and Susan have left for their lunch and so has Kylie, Sarah and Joy. Mum is insisting that she has too stay. I can’t find a nicer way to say go home. She’ll get all mad at me, but then again, I’m not on cloud nine with her, either.
Now she’s flirting with Thomas (VERY hot doctor) and it’s so not fair because at least he’s not looking up her night gown.
“You know I can read what you’re writing, Jess,” David admits, petting my head.
3:00 pm Why am I being so slow? Six centimetres, I am. This sucks, as well as me feeling mucky, I’m in colossal torture. When will this end???
“When you get to ten centimetres.” David adds.
“Stop reading what I’m writing!” I roar.
Finally, Mum and Derek have gone. They eventually had to leave anyway because Lauren (Derek’s niece) needed to get picked up from school. Now it’s just me, David and Dad who has just returned.
3:58 pm So tired. So hungry. So thirsty. I’m nearly there, only three more centimetres to go. I’m just glad the hard parts over. Er… No, I have to get them BOTH out. What was I thinking?
4:02 pm I’m starting to hate myself now. I’m aware that I’ve said this a thousand times but I’M IN SO MUCH AGONY. I think David is starting to feel my sorrow as he is whinging every time I whinge.
4:15 pm This new midwife came in when my other one went off shift. Brilliant. Doesn’t that show that I’m being so sluggish? I feel like it, too. Anyway, when the new midwife, who claims to be called Kat, came in and measured me. Still seven centimetres. She explained that I’m almost there and cannot be much longer than eight ‘o clock. Eight ‘o clock. Gaaah.
4:32 pm Kelsey and Miranda have turned up. Bex said she’ll be visiting once the twins are born: she says she doesn’t want any memories of her birth. Thanks a bunch, Bex, for being the most supportive friend I could ever need.
“You’re lucky, my sister was in labour for twenty-six hours. Two words for you: Pain-full.” Miranda gasped, staring at the state of me.
“That’s one word, Mira,” I sighed.
“What?” Miranda snapped.
“Painful. It’s one word,” Kelsey repeated.
5:00 pm People come and go in my room, but never stay. Even David is getting a little fed up, even so, he’s gone out for a quick coffee. So it’s just me and the two flipping twins who never want to come out! Oh gosh, here comes another strong contraction…
5:03 pm I hate being on my own! I know it’s only been three minutes but being this lonely makes me want to sing to myself. And that’s not good because that makes me crazy.
5:22 pm Few, David’s back. He’s looking flushed and his lips seem dry and brittle.
“What’s up, babe?” I asked, worryingly.
“I saw your mom,” oh God, what has she done now? “And, she told me sooner or later you and I will break up. Then the twins will have no where to go with and will end up with her.”
“You say what now?”
“It’s true. Stupid cow. She thinks either you’re not good enough for me or I’m not good enough for you…” David moaned.
“The horrible bitch. How dare she come over and say what our future will be like?” This is a terrible thing to say, especially to a man who is getting married and having kids with her daughter. “What did you do?”
“I laughed in her face and told her to bugger off. That’s the nice version,” I smiled, but not hard enough. David kissed my cheek and laid on the sofa which is next to my bed.
Mum’s still here?
6:10 pm I’m about to give birth. Oh my Lord. I’m going to push a full size baby out my rear end. Twice. Ugh. This burning sensation is coming from down below and it’s so painful. Ouch.
I guess one good thing came out of all this: I had two beautiful twin boys. Jack and Alfie Holman-Reynolds. I adore those names and suit my little boys perfectly. I’m going to sleep now, as is Jack, Alfie and David.
12th Of August
Ten hours after Jack and Alfie were born, we were allowed to bring them home. I was delighted they had no problems with their health but I can tell we’re going to have problems in the night as they kept David and I up all night.
Jack weighed 5lb 8oz and Alfie weighed 5lb 10oz. They are identical so that’s when our colour code came in. Alfie’s colour is red and Jack’s is blue, this is so we can tell them apart. Believe me, it’s like living in a house with two mini David’s.
David seems to think the hard part is over. Seriously? He thinks birth is hard? He obviously hasn’t been paying attention since yesterday, because the twins haven’t stopped. They’re so tiny and cute, though, but once you stay with them for more than an hour, your mind changes pretty dramatically. We have a rota on the wall in their bedroom and on the kitchen refrigerator to keep track when to feed them and when we have fed them.
Two to three hours they feed! TWO TO THREE HOURS! Have you any idea how frustrating that is? I think not.
14th Of August
Today is the day when we take our boys out shopping for the first time. They look so adorable in the trolley, screwing up their faces. People stop and stare, doubtless thinking they’re dolls because we both look so young. For a start, David is twenty and I’m eighteen, it’s not that young.
I kind of got sick of buying just blue and red stuff, so I ended up getting green and yellow, too. Alfie looks good in green, so we went with that.
Changing a baby’s nappy isn’t that hard after you’ve done it a few times. I mean, yeah, it stinks, but it’s quite easy when you’ve mastered it.
Came home after shopping for two hours and found Mum sat on the step in front of our house.
“What do you want?” I sneered, rummaging around my bag trying to find the keys.
“Your boys are beautiful. They have your green eyes, Jess,” Mum jumped up, picking up Jack’s car seat which was beside my feet.
“Answer my question, mother. What are you after?” I said, eventually finding my keys and unlocking the door, with Bailey racing out.
“I want to… Give you this…” she passed me an envelope, addressed to me.
“So you haven’t come to apologize then?” David asked, turning on the kettle and filling the bottles with baby formula.
“What ever for? I’m sure I said sorry when you were in labour? What have I done this time?” She made me want to scream in her face.
“What have you DONE? I’ll tell you what you’ve done: while I was in agony having our boys you were telling my fiancé that we won’t be together for long and you’ll end up with Alfie and Jack!” I yelled, rocking a weepy Jack from side-to-side. “Well. I’m sorry to burst your bubble but we are not going to leave each other, and these boys are never, I repeat never, going to you, in any circumstance.”
Mum’s eyes filled with tears.
“I think you’d better leave now,” David said, calmly.
“Yes…-” she breathed. “I think I’d better.” and she stormed out.
I opened the letter and this is what it wrote:
Dear Jessica,
Congratulations on the birth of your boys Jack and Alfie. I’m sure you and David are delighted, so here is sixty pounds (I made sure it’s in English money, not French) and use this money to go towards anything to do with your boys: nappies, food, clothes, toys maybe… Just a few suggestions.
I haven’t yet mastered the new phone, so this is why I am writing. Anyway, please say hello to David and the boys for me. Goodbye for now.
Love from Grandmere x
Sixty pounds on whatever we please? I mean, yeah, I know it’s for the boys but I’m gonna have a whale of a time picking out stuff for them.
15th Of August
David and I bathed Alfie and Jack for the first time! Jack loved it, Alfie on the other hand, did not. He was crying all the way through, he’s going to be a nightmare when he’s a toddler, I can already tell.
I recognize it may sound strange except I talk to my boys. It helps them understand my voice and so they can know who I am. That’s the best thing about a baby, they will never tell your secret if you tell them one. Not that I’ve actually told Jack or Alfie a secret, because I have none. Apart from the fact I have a major crush on George Clooney.
My arse hurts. Ever since the birth it’s been aching like mad.
18th Of August
I can’t believe Alfie and Jack are already a week old. It seems like yesterday they were born. But it was one week ago. Bex seems to think I’ve cloned one of the twins. She says they are exactly the same when you put them next to each other. I asked why she didn’t bring Nathaniel and Hayden over and she said they would destroy the boys. They aren’t very sweet and careful twins I can tell you that much.
21st Of August
Me and David had a picnic today. The sun was beaming down on the tartan blanket while we set up our food. Alfie and Jack were laying in their stroller, sleeping merrily in the sunshine. It was mildly hot but I could still feel the cold, strangely. David tucked into his tuna and egg sandwich while I lay in my shorts and top trying to get a tan.
So, I went up to get an ice-cream when Thomas, the hot guy from the hospital came up and said hi.
“Oh, hey. I didn’t see you there!” I said, sounding surprised. I wanted to get away fast because he seemed to be a lot more interested in me now I’m not screaming and in a hideous night gown.
“You look sexy,” he joked. At least... I think he was joking. I sure hope so.
“Uh… I’m just here with my fiancé, David, you’ve met him before,” I chuckled, moving up the queue.
“Yeah, how are you? I mean, since the birth?” he asked, great, he still remembers.
“Ur… Cool. I’m here with my boys also,” I hoped that would scare him off, the fact I’m engaged and have twins.
“Awesome, hey, do you want to go out, sometime? I mean, not on a date, of course, but on a, like, friendly get-together,” Oh gosh. What do I do? I mean, if I say yes, how will I tell David? And if I say no, I’ll be guilt ridden for ages.
“Yeah, sure!” I gushed. Shit.
“Awesome, I’ll meet you in town. How about… Tomorrow, three pm?”
“Okay!” Double shit.
I’m in trouble now.
22nd Of August
Okay, I have a plan to get past David with this. First, I’ll say I have to go see Bex, then, I will go to town, meet with Thomas and tell him I can’t stay and voila! I’ll be guilt free.
Plan failed. David forced me to take him and the twins with me, so then I had to go see Bex. But I faked she wasn’t in by saying nobody was answering. I walked up to the door and pretended to knock, waited for two minutes and came back looking disappointed. David seemed to have bought it because he then said oh well and drove off. Obviously with me in the car.
When we got home I put fed the twins and put them down for a nap and had a nap myself. When I woke up, David wrote on the sticky note that Thomas called and asked where I was. I was stunned that he didn’t question what it was about. In fact, he never said anything. Didn’t even say he recognised the voice. Weird.
23rd Of August
David knew who it was. I thought he was going to enquire why we’re even talking but he said he didn’t mind what we were doing as long as I wasn’t meeting up with him. To be fair, I didn’t actually meet up with Thomas, we were going too, but we didn’t.
25th Of August
Only two more weeks today and then Jack and Alfie will be a month old. It seems so quick. My bump is going down slowly, Kelsey keeps thinking I’m still pregnant. I won’t be for a long time.
The boys are fascinated by me and David. Seriously, they stare at us with these dazed eyes and doesn’t even blink while they’re at it.
People say that all babies are born with blue eyes. It’s crazy because ours wasn’t. They have emerald green eyes just like me. David says they have my eyes and mouth, a big mouth, he tells me. I’m glad they don’t have my nose because it’s huge and stupid. Their ears are so small and cute. I could watch them sleep all day if I wasn’t this tired. I’m telling you, them both keep me and David up half the night. Last night they woke me to give them a feed at one, then me again at three and then David at six. When I came down he was on the sofa watching Alfie drink the milk while glancing up to Jack who was in his bouncer. I just love all three (four, including Bailey) so much it’s hard to explain.
Thats cute if she wasn't married with