To Be Unique

Make me out of plastine,
So you can mould me how you like.
Make me out of something real,
Like a flame or just some sunlight.

Make me out of rubber,
So I bounce back up when you push me down.
Make me into what you will.
Make it so I never wear an empty frown.

Make me out of diamonds,
So I will stay forever.
Make me out of something cool,
Like ice cubes or expensive leather!

Make me out of my photos,
That stare at me in the face.
Make me out of my memories,
To remind me life is no waste.

Make me out of things
that mean the world to me.
Make me out of cotton wool balls,
Or your old retro CD's.

Make me how you wish
Make me how you dream.
Just don't make me forgettable,
Because I am more than what I seem.

I really like this! This is amazing! I like your style. It was a nice rhythm going to it, and it seemed a very sweet poem containing a lot of truth. Like, letting people make their judgements of you, not letting it bother you, because you know how to be yourself? At least, that's what I got from it. However, I could be far from correct. My favourite stanza was the last and the finishing line was a perfect polish to the piece. Well done.

Make me out of plastine,
So you can mould me how you like.

If I could tell you how much I liked these lines, we would be here all day. In short, I love how you used plastine rather than clay or some other common malleable material; it gives a fresh twist to the cliche. That said, having these as the first two lines sets a high bar of expectation for the rest of your poem, and I only wish the rest of the poem were as unique.

Unfortunately, the rest of your imagery is fairly standard and bland. In addition, in your efforts to rhyme, you neglected your rhythm. Rhymes, in order to be effective, require a steady, consistent rhythm. Compare "By the light of the moon in the month of June, sang the solemn, lonely loon" to "The lonely loon sang solemnly in the month of June by the light of the moon". Though they have almost the exact same words, you can feel the rhyme in the former example, even without it being broken up into lines; this is because there is a definite rhythm that reinforces and makes the rhyme obvious.

This rhythm is missing from your poem.

One of the simplest and easiest ways to establish a rhythm is to count your syllables and make sure they're even. Generally, rhyming words should have the same (or close to) number of syllables separating them.

Another important element of rhythm are the word stresses. Each word has a different pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables. In my rhyming example, with × being unstressed and / being stressed, the stress pattern would go × × / × × / × × / × / / × / × / × /. Though it doesn't look like a consistent pattern, it sounds natural because the change in stresses corresponds with the natural pause in the sentence. And if you maintain a natural-feeling stress pattern throughout the poem, the rhyme will also feel natural (barring any really weird word choices).

Rhythm is what makes rhymes work, and with a strong enough rhythm, you don't even need to rhyme. So I suggest you focus on working on your rhythm. Reading your poetry aloud, or even better, having someone who has never seen the poem read it aloud to you, will help you notice all the places that the rhythm feels off, especially where you or they stumble. Fixing those stumbling points in your rhythm will really help your poem sound even better.

Make me out of plastine,
So you can mould me how you like.
Make me out of something real,
Like a flame or just some sunlight. Though I like the imagery, this is a beat too long for the rest of the stanza. My suggestion would be to change "sunlight" to simply "light." That also makes it less specific, though, and that can be both good and bad depending on your perspective of the poem.

Make me out of rubber,
So I bounce back up when you push me down. I like this line, it makes you think.
Make me into what you will.
Make it so I never wear an empty frown. This whole stanza feels off, though I can't quite put my finger one why. The rhythm is just off a bit. Too many words I think.

Make me out of diamonds,
So I will stay forever.
Make me out of something cool, I'm confused at the point of this line, why something cool? What type of cool? Why not hot?
Like ice cubes or expensive leather!

Make me out of my photos, This line confuses me, the photos ARE you, therefore you're telling him/her to make yourself out of yourself?
That stare at me in the face. Seems forced
Make me out of my memories, Again, your memories ARE you, just like the photos.
To remind me life is no waste.

Make me out of things
that mean the world to me.
Make me out of cotton wool balls,
Or your old retro CD's.

Make me how you wish
Make me how you dream.
Just don't make me forgettable,
Because I am more than what I seem.


Over all I like the poem, the only real comments that I have are that the rhythm goes off and on, and doesn't flow completely, and that I don't fully understand it because you use the confusing term "make me." Can someone really "make you" when you're explaining how you've already been made? You're telling someone to make you out of the things you've already done and how you already look and the things that have already made you up. How is that making you? That more of you telling them how you want to be REMEMBERED. Not remade. I like it, but I'm confused.