and flow deep into my soul
where a heavy mist awaits.
When undertones drown security
in a sea of “discussions”.
When sorrows lurk in the sun - unavoidable and
pursuing all my precious darkness.
Pain comes.
It rushes down in a burning wave until, weary,
my pure black calls out
suffocating white and
intertwines with it to shield all emotions.
This curtain of dew,
this protective haze,
started out as a barrier.
The fog came to overshadow me, to dim the voices.
My mind heard the screams
and sent thoughts to muffle them.
In my world of grey, I could find peace, I could
get away from the world.
The tight space freed me,
the shadows gave only gentle light.
But then the sun
outside my cloud
gave way to cooling rain.
The heat receded,
the atmosphere no longer scalding.
But the drops hardly made it through the maze,
of neither past, present, nor future.
The illusions which had muted the hurt,
now blocked the pleasure.
I remain in my misty realm.
When the heartache rages,
I will still be here.
When the love surrounds,
I will still be here.
I will not dance in the rain,
nor suffer in the sun.
My murky world, serene, but
unmoving,
shall forever be my home.
