Regrets & Love

Spoiler

Another worthless poem about never ending love for you.

My love for you,
was it really true ?
The day I loved thee ,
is the day I rue .
We have Grown apart .
Our love, drifted.
Did you even have a heart?
All the smiles ,
all the laughs
Those notes passed during class.
Forgotten.
Our love was hell , you see.
but that's just between you and me .
Those 3 words 8 letters
you'd always repeat
never made my love retreat .
And though we will soon be far apart ,
you'd always be remembered in my heart.

I am here as you requested. I really love this and I think that you should make it a little longer, then it would be better. And maybe you should put more descriptive words in your poem. I am no good at reviewing so that is all I have to offer you because that is all that I detected in this poem. This is my favorite part.

My love for you,
was it really true ?
The day I loved thee ,
is the day I rue .

Really Awesome Job!!!!!!

I am going to break out one of my reviews that has been long forgoten by the writing world for you today.

To be completly honest love poems aren't my thing. I love them to death but only when writing them. It is very hard to write a good love poem that is not cliche; and that is something everyone can understand.

I think that one thing that your poem is lacking is imagery. I think that is one basic thing that most poems need. Without it you have given us the surface of your poem but nothing else. It's like you splatter your meaning all over a canvas and then you don't give us anything to look into. You havn't made the reader think. You want to almost make your poem a secret but something that we can understand. You don't want to be to direct with your writing.

You also use very bland, very overused words. Try some colorful adjectives, they make everything better. You can make something really exciting by using the right words. We don't know who your writing about right now and we know nothing about them. We want to know how you feel and how you felt. We want to be able to touch the person you touched, and read the letters you read. We want to know how he wrote his letters or she if it's a girl. You have to give very good details when it comes to love poems. It can't be sappy or just an emo cut myself kind of thing. It has to give the reader a reason to want to fall in love with it.

Ok, well I think I'm done ranting haha. I'm sorry if I seemed rude, I got carried away. Pm me if you have any questions.

-Flow-

I love the beginning, it's strong and flows very well! But I think the emotion of this poem could be expressed in more detail and length. If you added some metaphors (or similes) that will grab the reader, and imagery is VERY important too, try to paint a picture with words. Good-Luck! ----DaRiEN

I love the beginning, it's strong and flows very well! But I think the emotion of this poem could be expressed in more detail and length. If you added some metaphors (or similes) that will grab the reader, and imagery is VERY important too, try to paint a picture with words. Good-Luck! ----DaRiEN

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

So, your punctuation was fairly good, except it was spaced out. And it shouldn't be. Un-space it!

Also, this one line seemed to be lacking something:

Our love, drifted.

Should be "Our love has drifted."

Also, you typed numbers: always write them down. Always. It's kind of an invisible rule of sorts.

Yours,
Lavvi

Hey Forever, here to review. ^^

First of all, I'm going to be completely honest and say that there wasn't a whole lot that I liked about this poem. It's a very, very cliche and overused topic, and yes, it hurts and pain makes for good poetry (sometimes), but this topic is so overdone. I've reviewed tons of poems like this by now, so:

1) Yes, this topic is very overused, but, in retrospect, it can be made into an excellent poem regardless. All it takes is a little more thought and some imagery. Have you ever heard the saying, "Show, don't tell?" That's what poetry is all about. (Other than spilling your soul, of course) Pick the emotions, the actual events that hurt you, and use imagery to show me what happened - that's what I look for. Show me how it felt, don't flat out tell me. Imagery is key - it always has been.

2) Rhyming schemes - I very often hate the things. They limit what you can do with a poem - the word choice, the phrasing, the flow, the feel and the emotion, all of that jazz. On top of that, half of the rhymes here sound forced and unnatural - you seem to be working with cliches and throwing in words that really don't fit right with the poem (and the flow of the poem) all for the sake of one measly rhyming word. They mess with you, and you're sacrificing everything else that you could do just so that your words sound similar.

Not to say that rhyming is always a bad thing - you just have to put a lot of careful thought into word choice and flow and what's cliche and what's fresh in order to pull it off.

Overall, this poem's okay, I suppose, but it's so much the same as every other break-up-oh-poor-me-teenage-angst poem out there. There's nothing that makes it special - no imagery, nothing that adds to what YOU as a person are feeling during the situation. Everybody's going to feel hurt, but what's the extent of your hurt, and exactly how does it feel to YOU?

Make it your own poem, own it, and you'll do fine.

Keep writing,
~~Ish.