Colin Strider Chapter Three

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“This is a joke right?” said Colin, exasperated. “What do you mean open a wormhole? I’m going mad, aren’t I? This is all some crazy hallucination!”

He collapsed on the spot, his whole body seemed to deflate.

"I mean," he began. "A wormhole? Come on!"

Rachel looked deadly serious and folded her arms.

Colin tried again.

"But... but it's impossible! How the hell do you "open"," he outlined the word "open" with "hand speech marks". "… a wormhole? It's impossible! Even if you did, wouldn't it... like... suck up the planet?"

"You're getting two things wrong. Number one: it's a black hole that would suck up the planet and Number two: it is very possible to open a wormhole."

"Well, fine then!" he said, almost patronising Rachel. A wormhole, he had never heard anything so stupid. He removed his bag, placed it on the damp floor, and sat on it. "You open up a wormhole, and I'll sit here, in the rain that's likely to come in a few minutes and slowly go mad." And he folded his arms.

Rachel tutted and said nothing. Colin was always so stubborn. As he watched, she pulled an intriguing device from her large, purple rucksack. She knew anyone would be amazed and terrified of the contents if they ever discovered it, but she had to take it with her. Just in case. This beauty here, though, was a necessity. It was long, sleek and pitch black, like a new television remote, but in place of buttons, a shiny touch screen. Rachel sighed when she saw the amount of fingerprints it was adorned with, but preceded anyway.

She wiped her finger across it, and it turned on, a blue screen with a digital number pad. Colin raised one eyebrow as she tapped it a few times, like a keyboard. It looked so ridiculously new, he half expected it to have a white logo of a half-eaten apple on the back of it.

And then the wormhole was opened with Rachael jabbing the air with it like a Wii-mote.

Colin stood straight up. Too quickly. His knees betrayed him and he sank awkwardly to the ground.

The words, "Oh my God," escaped from his mouth.

A wormhole, it appeared, was a bending in space, a hole that shouldn't exist, a window that led to an insane, maddening vortex of colour and light. It was no bigger than a large television screen, and yet it seemed to engulf Colin.

"Oh my God," Colin said again. The world seemed to have bended to make way for this thing, the air seemed distorted as it moved towards it.

"Rachel," Colin said. "I'm really sorry for whatever I've done, but this is too far."

"I'm scared," he added. "If this is a joke, then please, just stop it." Rachel could see the fear in his eyes and sympathy shrouded her. This was going to be hard. All her life she had waited for something like this- but from Colin?

“Listen to me Colin,” her voice was anxious, fast and edgy. The rippling hole in space was distorting the air and wind and gravity around her, causing her hair to be drawn towards it, drifting up, floating and waving. “I can take you to a place- a planet called Gaia- where they’ll be people there who can help you. Help you a lot.”

“A different planet?” Colin almost laughed. “Well- that’s absolutely fucking marvellous isn’t it! Are you hell-bent on driving me bloody insane?”

“You have a power Colin,” Rachel said, ignoring him as best as she could. Jesus, this was going to be hard. “But- it’s different.”

“Different how?”

“Most people like you- they can control an Element. Earth, fire, air or water. Seeing as you just, most likely, killed Rick with lightning, we can rule out Elemental powers. But these people, good people; they can train you, help you control yourself. Please- you don’t want to live your life as an outcast with a strange power. God knows what you’d become.”

God knows what I’m already becoming, thought Colin, but he nodded. He wiped some blood that he had neglected from his nose, but felt a stab of pain when his hand brushed it. Broken for sure.

“I’m bloody coming with you.”

“Well, well, well.” A Texan voice rang out through the alleyway as rain started to fall from the sky in heavy drips.

The scaled creature with the robotic hand from Colin’s dream emerged at the alley’s entrance. He wore a blood stained outfit consisting of a dark trench coat and trousers, a filthy white shirt and a purple waistcoat that wasn’t buttoned. He clearly used to have four eyes; two yellow, sinister slits on each side, but the two on the right were covered with an eye patch. Dirty black hair fell to his shoulders and his grinning mouth was adorned with fangs.

Colin’s mind exploded with fear. He tried to let out a gasp but all that he could muster was a slow, ragged breath. He gulped and licked his lips that were now bloody and sweaty.

“Oh, Christ.”

“Claw, you bastard.” Rachel spat at the creature with an inconceivable amount of fearlessness. “How the-

“Zacharias, if y’all please m’lady. M’sugar,” Claw said striding up to Rachel. He placed the metal hand on the back of her head and tilted it upwards, leaning towards her ear. “My honey.”

“Die in a hole.” Rachel growled.

Zacharias Claw was in hysterics.

“Y’all thinks you can threaten me!” He danced towards Colin and gripped his neck with his good hand- rough and scaly as his face and with just three fingers and a thumb that all ended with yellowing talons. The near suffocation caused Colin to shut his gaping mouth.

“Y’all gonna swallow a fly, boy.”

“You keep your hands-“

Zacharias whipped out a gun from the black trench coat he was wearing that was out of this world. Silver and sleek, adorned with purple spikes and a skull-shaped key-ring.

“I’m gonna kindly request that you step into the car that’s parked just outside this alleyway nice and quite like or I will blow out your god damn brains with m’wife here.”

“I know you killed your wife you sick son of a-“

“Get in the fucking car!”

Rachel was on the verge of tears as she walked towards Colin.

“Colin I- I’m sorry,” she whimpered; Colin was whimpering with her all the same. “We- we should do what he says. He’ll kill us if we don’t. I’m not powerful enough”

The lizard in the trench coat pointed their gun at them as they proceeded out the alleyway and said, “You bet your pretty little boots you’re not. And put your hands behind your heads- make it seem all proper like.”

Zacharias examined the wormhole before him for just a second before asking, “Be more exciting to leave it open, huh?”

He giggled and licked his lips with that monstrous forked tongue as he led them with his gun to a sleek black car that was splattered with several bullet holes and smelled of decay.

With a sudden gesture Zacharias reached into his trench coat and stabbed both Colin and Rachel’s necks with what looked like, in the flash of visuals Colin saw before he blacked out and darkness consumed them both, metal syringes filled with a yellowish liquid.

“Nothing personal, sugar,” whispered Zacharias close to Colin’s ear through the fog.

“Or is it? Yeah- guess it is.”

Giggles interrupted the ever-persisting recurring dream as Colin slept.
Last edited by Napier on Sun Jul 10, 2011 5:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“It is the tale, not he who tells it.”
― Stephen King

“If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.”
― Stephen King

Formerly BadlyDrawnLightning




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Awesome. Zacharias is freaky :O
At the start, I couldn't help but notice that you changed your spelling of Rachael and then switched back again halfway through. Might want to look at that :)
Also, once again, I liked the dialogue. Pretty realistic. However, I think the Maths teacher should have been begging for his life instead of trying to authorative with lizard-man Zacharias.
I'm also noticing a lot of purple here. The purple pistol and the large purple rucksack. Just an observation :P
Also, I love the description of the worm hole device. It's great how you compare it to a wii remote and an Apple product.
Overall, another great chapter, looking forward to the rest of the book.
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NOOOOOOOOOO!!! It ended. Darn I wantd so much more. The one thing I have a concern with is the end. the last lines about the Zacharias to be exact. It sorta didnt work or make sense or something. Because I am confused, did the reptilian-thing bring the boy back to life or something? And who is the person/thing talking last? So I suggest making that clearer. Other than that little problem this was great. And I can't wait for more. Keep writing so I can keep reading!!! :)
~Life has a song for every moment in life. It is just the matter of finding the right one.~




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Which lines did you mean?
"You know what, Zacharias? I think he does." or "So, yeah- chapter three for the win!" etc?
The creature talks to himself as he is a little mad- should I make that clearer? And the last bit's just a message from me that I should probably erase. :P
Glad you're enjoying it so far, though :)
“It is the tale, not he who tells it.”
― Stephen King

“If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.”
― Stephen King

Formerly BadlyDrawnLightning




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Very well written BadlyDrawLightning!

BadlyDrawnLightning wrote:“This is a joke right?” said Colin, exasperated. “What do you mean open a wormhole? I’m going mad, aren’t I? This is all some crazy hallucination!”

He collapsed on the spot, his whole body seemed to deflate. Nice description.

"I mean," he began. "A wormhole? Come on!"

Rachel looked deadly serious and folded her arms.

Colin tried again.

"But... but it's impossible! How the hell do you "open"," he outlined the word "open" with "hand speech marks". "… a wormhole? It's impossible! Even if you did, wouldn't it... like... suck up the planet?"

"You're getting two things wrong. Number one: it's a black hole that would suck up the planet and Number two: it is very possible to open a wormhole."

"Well, fine then!" he said, almost patronising Rachel. A wormhole, he had never heard anything so stupid. He removed his bag, placed it on the damp floor, and sat on it. "You open up a wormhole, and I'll sit here, in the rain that's likely to come in a few minutes and slowly go mad." And he folded his arms.

Rachel tutted and said nothing. Colin was always so stubborn. As he watched, she pulled an intriguing device from her large, purple rucksack. She knew anyone would be amazed and terrified of the contents if they ever discovered it, but she had to take it with her. Just in case. This beauty here, though, was a necessity. It was long, sleek and pitch black, like a new television remote, but in place of buttons, a shiny touch screen. Rachel sighed when she saw the amount of fingerprints it was adorned with, but preceded anyway.

She wiped her finger across it, and it turned on, a blue screen with a digital number pad. Colin raised one eyebrow as she tapped it a few times, like a keyboard. It looked so ridiculously new, he half expected it to have a white logo of a half-eaten apple on the back of it. The comparison betwwen the device and Apple and Nintendo products is great! it conjured a very vivid picture of the device.

And then the wormhole was opened with Rachael jabbing the air with it like a Wii-mote.

Colin stood straight up. Too quickly. His knees betrayed him and he sank awkwardly to the ground.

The words, "Oh my God," escaped from his mouth.

A wormhole, it appeared, was a bending in space, a hole that shouldn't exist, a window that led to an insane, maddening vortex of colour and light. It was no bigger than a large television screen, and yet it seemed to engulf Colin.

"Oh my God," Colin said again. The world seemed to have bended to make way for this thing, the air seemed distorted as it moved towards it.

"Rachel," Colin said. "I'm really sorry for whatever I've done, but this is too far."

"I'm scared," he added. "If this is a joke, then please, just stop it." Rachel could see the fear in his eyes and sympathy shrouded her. This was going to be hard. All her life she had waited for something like this- but from Colin?

“Listen to me Colin,” her voice was anxious, fast and edgy. The rippling hole in space was distorting the air and wind and gravity around her, causing her hair to be drawn towards it, drifting up, floating and waving. “I can take you to a place- a planet called Gaia- where they’ll be people there who can help you. Help you a lot.”

“A different planet?” Colin almost laughed. “Well- that’s absolutely fucking marvellous isn’t it! Are you hell-bent on driving me bloody insane?”

“You have a power Colin,” Rachel said, ignoring him as best as she could. Jesus, this was going to be hard. “But- it’s different.”

“Different how?”

“Most people like you- they can control an Element. Earth, fire, air or water. Seeing as you just, most likely, killed Rick with lightning, we can rule out Elemental powers. But these people, good people; they can train you, help you control yourself. Please- you don’t want to live your life as an outcast with a strange power. God knows what you’d become.”

God knows what I’m already becoming, thought Colin, but he nodded. He wiped some blood that he had neglected from his nose, but felt a stab of pain when his hand brushed it. Broken for sure.

“I’m bloody coming with you.” I think he's a bit too accepting of what's just occurred. Possibly changing for him to keep his disbelieving attitude would make it more "fluent". its just this bit didn't seem to fit for me.

“Well, well, well.” A Texan voice rang out through the alleyway as rain started to fall from the sky in heavy drips.

The scaled creature with the robotic hand from Colin’s dream emerged at the alley’s entrance. He wore a blood stained outfit consisting of a dark trench coat and trousers, a filthy white shirt and a purple waistcoat that wasn’t buttoned. He clearly used to have four eyes; two yellow, sinister slits on each side, but the two on the right were covered with an eye patch. Dirty black hair fell to his shoulders and his grinning mouth was adorned with fangs. Great description, i would also love to get a description of Zacharias' personality too.

Colin’s mind exploded with fear. He tried to let out a gasp but all that he could muster was a slow, ragged breath. He gulped and licked his lips that were now bloody and sweaty.

“Oh, Christ.”

“Claw, you bastard.” Rachel spat at the creature with an inconceivable amount of fearlessness. “How the-

“Zacharias, if y’all please m’lady. M’sugar,” Claw said striding up to Rachel. He placed the metal hand on the back of her head and tilted it upwards, leaning towards her ear. “My honey.”

“Die in a hole.” Rachel growled. This made me laugh so much. :D

Zacharias Claw was in hysterics.

“Y’all thinks you can threaten me!” He danced towards Colin and gripped his neck with his good hand- rough and scaly as his face and with just three fingers and a thumb that all ended with yellowing talons. The near suffocation caused Colin to shut his gaping mouth.

“Y’all gonna swallow a fly, boy.”

“You keep your hands-“

Zacharias whipped out a gun from the black trench coat he was wearing that was out of this world. Silver and sleek, adorned with purple spikes and a skull-shaped key-ring.

“I’m gonna kindly request that you step into the car that’s parked just outside this alleyway nice and quite like or I will blow out your god damn brains with m’wife here.” I know the "m'wife" refers to the gun, but at first i didn't understand. Maybe you could say: "Blow your goddamn brains out using m'wife here." Also, i think that god damn should be one word- goddamn.

“I know you killed your wife you sick son of a-“

“Get in the fucking car!”

Rachel was on the verge of tears as she walked towards Colin.

“Colin I- I’m sorry,” she whimpered; Colin was whimpering with her all the same. “We- we should do what he says. He’ll kill us if we don’t. I’m not powerful enough”

The lizard in the trench coat pointed their gun at them as they proceeded out the alleyway and said, “You bet your pretty little boots you’re not. And put your hands behind your heads- make it seem all proper like.”

Zacharias examined the wormhole before him for just a second before asking, “Be more exciting to leave it open, huh?”

He giggled and licked his lips with that monstrous forked tongue as he led them with his gun to a sleek black car that was splattered with several bullet holes and smelled of decay.

With a sudden gesture Zacharias reached into his trench coat and stabbed both Colin and Rachel’s necks with what looked like, in the flash of visuals Colin saw before he blacked out and darkness consumed them both, metal syringes filled with a yellowish liquid.

“Nothing personal, sugar,” whispered Zacharias close to Colin’s ear through the fog. Is he calling Colin sugar? If hes speaking to Rachel, then mentioning Rachel's name would make it much more clear.

“Or is it? Yeah- guess it is.”

Giggles interrupted the ever-persisting recurring dream as Colin slept.

So, Yeah......
That felt kinda negative, but thats because i only really pointed out the negatives. This series is really good; the descriptions this chapter contains are supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and the mysterious beginning is rather compelling.
Anyways, thanks for the chapters, they're very entertaining. Tally-pip!
The Fear Contest - Winners

1st Place - Hit the Black by mikeypro
2nd Place - Makeshift Calamity by jcipriano1
3rd Place - Ashes and Blood by HaydenSmith

Bonjour mon petit bureau de change!

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"Be yourself" is not advice. It's an existential crisis waiting to happen.
— Hank Green