You And I

Spoiler

Sorry , this poem is pretty short . I haven't wrote in awhile... So tell me how bad it is :/

We loved with a love that was more than love.

was once said by Edgar Allan Poe.
Love, how so?
So, I write this for you.
Our love is something
you just can't undo.
So, now i write this for us .
You and I.
Forever we shall be .
You see?
Together we form a perfect match.
and so they say ,
Isn't that such a catch?

Hehe catchy. I like it. Dogs here just throwing out a few pointers. it flows very nicely but actuly i really dont think it should be in lytic poetry. I think this belongs in dramatic or narrative poetry (leaning more on the dramatic side) because this seems more of a narration.







TuckEr EllsworTh

Ello,

Tis sweet, but a bit short. (And this is coming from a girl who writes many, many short things.) Maybe short is the wrong word.. It's rushed. Maybe you could expand it a bit? Don't get me wrong, I like it... it just feels like there is something missing. At least to me. By the way, I loved the Edgar Allen Poe quote, it's a nice touch. And the flow is very nice as well... I'd just like to see more.

God Bless,
Amber.

Oh I love it! It's adorable, straight to the point. However, I have to agree with the previous comment. It does seem a bit short and the rhythm is slightly off. Maybe throw in a few more stanzas. =] It's not bad at all, infact it is a nice, unique little piece you've got there. You're talent is clear so don't ever doubt yourself. The writing industry has a lot of difficult critisism and rejection, but it's rewarding too. Don't ever give up. =]

This was good, but the one thing was (like they already said before) short poems can work if everything gets wrapped up the right way, but this just felt like it was kind of rushed, and didn't completely say everything it needed to. As is, it's a good poem, but it could be even better if it was extended.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Hi foreveralone, I'm June

I thought this was pretty cute. It took me a second read, though, to recognize the rhyme in here, and because it's not constant with the uneven meter, I can't say that it's working here. I love the idea of writing something based off of Poe's writing (Poe was a genius, even if he didn't know it ), but I don't think you've expanded the idea enough. I think you can go so many other places with this than where you're standing, dear, because it leaves questions. You say you write this for "you", but, what are you writing other than that you're stating forever to be together and things along those lines. I know it's to be a short, concise poem, but make it original, dear. Expand. What makes this so special that it should be forever?

Hope that helps some
June