Rain

She slides along the spurting stream of life,
She sticks out like a small, skewed, kissing-nose.
She strikes me on the hands and smooth-skinned chest
Where I have sinned - like rain - again, again...

She gives them water; quenches agony
Of thirst - and washes dry houses away.
She floods the crops and grasps them in her womb -
That is her heart, I mean - her life explodes

With love. Alack, they curse her worldly tears.
They cull their cold, and rare, ink-gilded God
Who casts condemnation-bolts from dry skies;
They want to milk their parent to the bone.

But still, I taste her sweeter when she's wet;
See - rain's the dance of life they'll sure forget.

OOOOOOOO i like! Hey Dogs here just giving your poem a little tiny pointers cause there is really very little wrong here.

that is her heart, i mean - her life explodes

by far my FAVORITE line of the entire poem. It's one thing to state it straight forward but when you say "that is her heart, i mean" it gives the reader an entirely different look at the poem. Kinda like a cruel twist in a book.

With love. Alack, they curse her wordily tears

Now i am confused with the in put of the word "alack". In my opinion i think this word dosnt really have much of a purpose in the sentence and throws off the rhythem. Now thats just me, your the writer you know best. Now correct me if im wrong this poem relates back to mother earth and how we as humans abuse her generosity. Just curious cause i really strive to figure out what poems mean. anyways.... GREAT WORK! i truely enjoyed it KEEP WRITING!




TuckEr EllsworTh

Hi there . Thank you for the review ^^. The 'alack' is actually there to fill the iambic pentameter and it sort of provides a jarring break between 'love' and the rest of the stanza because that's when the stanza really starts, but it's got her love there as well, but it's ignored.

And the poem is about how we don't respect mother nature for her divinity and how we don't enjoy the world for its imperfection and instead we turn to religion to give us perfection which must be dry and boring in comparison to what we get on Earth. In other words the poem is saying, why do you want to go to heaven, you're already there! ^^

I agree with alack being out of place, but I understand it's for your meter. Ummm, so, yeah, the first stanza is amazing.

She slides along the spurting stream of life,

The first line actually reminded me of a song. Lol, it starts out, "She walks to..." And so I started singing your poem to that tune.

She sticks out like a small, skewed, kissing-nose.

When I got to the second line of singing, and I looked at it, I was utterly amazed by the "kissing-nose". It just seemed so unique, so thoughtful.

She strikes me on the hands and smooth-skinned chest
Where I have sinned - like rain - again, again...

The first stanza was my over all favorite. I really like how it's set, and written. I just feel like it flows and captures the reader like it's supposed to.

She gives them water; quenches agony
Of thirst - and washes dry houses away.

The first two lines I didn't quite like, but oh well.

She floods the crops and grasps them in her womb -
That is her heart,

I was kind of bored with these lines until

I mean - her life explodes

I agree with dogs on this point. I thought it really took something overused, and twisted it. There are a lot of poems about wombs and hearts... Lol, not a lot. But I still feel like they're cliche.

With love. Alack, they curse her worldly tears.
They cull their cold, and rare, ink-gilded God
Who casts condemnation-bolts from dry skies;
They want to milk their parent to the bone.

This stanza wasn't really doing it for me... It seemed, somehow, out of place.
I liked the last line, but... it was kind of wordy, I think.

But still, I taste her sweeter when she's wet;
See - rain's the dance of life they'll sure forget.

The ending was good. Strong, brought it back on topic.

Actually, when I started reading this poem I actually forgot about it. Hahaha. Guess I didn't really read the title. The first stanza I thought you were actually talking about a girl. Then it kind of dawned on me that you weren't. And then I thought you were talking about something else completely, but I couldn't place my finger on it. Finally, around the end, I remembered.

But I love that, the fact that you specifically stated what it was about, but how general it is. It's not boarded at all, and can be interpreted as other things as well. I mean, I suppose it's about rain. But it's really up to the reader what it's really about... Rain... Hehe. Joking. Well, not really.

Anyway, a good read. Thanks~

I liked how the last two lines seem to finish it. IT's very symbolic, in my opinion... good job.