Ecliptic

Spoiler

This story has many things in it that are scientifically inaccurate, and yes, I know they couldn't happen. So please don't flame me for that, it's just fiction.

They did not tell us the extent of the condition we were in. Each day, we went about our lives as we had before the eclipse. Yet the days were not days and nights were endless. The solar eclipse never ceased, and it felt as though the weight of the darkness would collapse on us.
We walked the streets, desperately trying to maintain the lives of our vegetation. High-quality light bulbs grew in priority, and so in turn grew in price. We frantically attempted to grow our own produce, in fear the farms did not have a back-up plan for an event of this nature.
A solar eclipse. A rare phenomenon that in most cases would be looked upon with awe. Yet, could it be this astonishing occurrence was only the beginning of the end?

The beginning of the end.
They said we were going to be fine. The eclipse wouldn’t affect our way of life, sure. It was simply going to last a little longer than a usual one, and we would carry on with our business as usual.
They didn’t tell us how long it would last. The concept of day and night completely disappeared. There was no day, only night. After the fourth month of utter blackness people began to lose their grasp on sanity. It was like being in a padded room, the total absence of color seemed to suffocated us, and claustrophobia became a natural emotion.
I took the dark with stride. It had never really frightened me before, and though this was an international night, I had faith it would soon end. Eclipses always did. . .right?
I began to doubt my logic.

We didn’t find out the truth before it was already too late. Internationally we were all in a panic. We were being moved closer to the sun, within such a close proximity that it was killing our planet. And in turn, killing us.
It began with the oceans. The freezing blue waters soon turned into boiling hot pools of destruction. Every fish was immediately killed. They told us we wouldn’t last much longer than the fish had.
I could feel our lives crumbling down around us, burning. Our planet was dying because of the position we’d been in during our cycle. We were in the precise spot that another planet was brought into. It had caused the eclipse of an eternity, in an attempt to make us its moon. It had also caused the downfall of the human race and Earth.
Finally all of humanity ceased to live. Like the waters, the skin of the inhabitants of Earth commenced to simply melt away. The screams of the dying were not even heard, for there were so many. Once beautiful faces were molten, revealing bone that seemed too white against the scarlet of their blood.

Ironic, it is. The great star that had given us life was also the giver of destruction. Our sun, our savior, our killer.

Hey!

First of all I have to say that I really like your writing style! Your sentences have a nice flow and you have neatly sectioned paragraphs. I couln't find any spelling mistakes and the choreography is good! Your short sentences made it easy to read and effortless to follow, and that gives a lot to your story.

I think the plot is great, although it is cliché. I never have minded clishés' though, as long as they are written well and with an original angle, I love them! There is definately a reason for why clichés' become clichés' and I think your story is a bright example of this.

On to the negatives, I really only have one big remark.
Red is my own comments, other colors are to highlight my examples for what I talk about later.

They did not tell us the extent of the condition we were in. Each day, we went about our lives as we had before the eclipse. Yet the days were not days and nights were endless. The solar eclipse never ceased, #BF00FF ">and it felt as though the weight of the darkness would collapse on us.

We walked the streets, desperately trying to maintain the lives of our vegetation. High-quality light bulbs grew in priority, and so in turn grew in price. We frantically attempted to grow our own produce, in fear the farms did not have a back-up plan for an event of this nature. #FF0000 ">I think this is good, but too early. We want to get the feel of the atmosphere and the mood. What people are doing will be better to write about after the introduction. Better to write something along the lines of how people walked the streets pointlessly, not seeing purpose in maintaining their lifestyle anymore and looking for vague and fruitless solutions to problems without answers. Something to set the really hopeless mood in focus, without really saying what exactly is going on.

A solar eclipse. A rare phenomenon that in most cases would be looked upon with awe. Yet, could it be this astonishing occurrence was only the beginning of the end?

#FF0000 ">This is where the two parts I'm talking about divide.

The beginning of the end.

They said we were going to be fine. The eclipse wouldn%u2019t affect our way of life, sure. It was simply going to last a little longer than a usual one, and we would carry on with our business as usual.

They didn't tell us how long it would last. The concept of day and night completely disappeared. There was no day, only night. After the fourth month of utter blackness people began to lose their grasp on sanity. #BF00FF ">It was like being in a padded room, the total absence of color seemed to suffocated us, and claustrophobia became a natural emotion.

Are these two paragraphs (up until my mark) two different versions that you haven't decided upon which to use yet? Because if not, I think they are way to similar. Both of them are really good, but individually. I wouldn't want you to cut one of them for the sake of the other, but rather mix them together so that we don't miss anything. Just avoid all the repetition. (Like how "they did not tell us" and "they said we were going to be fine", the two day/night references, how the eclipse didn't cease. I have higlighted my examples in matching colors)
Sometimes repetition is good, and I get that you do it on purpose to really highlight it, but I think it's a little too much. Cut some and leave some and mix it all together until you find a solution that seems right according to yourself and the story.

Other than this the only thing I want to point out is that as the story is scientific inaccurate as you put it, I wouldn't have so much focus on it. If what you say doesn't make sense or have an emotional or otherwise useful effect, drop it. It needs to be logical and fit together to make the story good. I understand the concept of this not being ment as a scientifically correct story, and that it is fictional and for the sake of a plot. Nevertheless, there is too much of the explanations.

An endless amount of probes were sent into outer space, trying to detect what had happened. There were rumors the sun had simply burned out, others said the Earth had been sent out of the Milky Way, moved by an immense gravitational pull by something unbeknownst to us.

And we didn%u2019t find out the truth before it was already too late. Internationally we were all in a panic. We were being moved closer to the sun, within such a close proximity that it was killing our planet. And in turn, killing us. #FF0000 ">This is enough. Leave it at that, because here we have all got the point. There were panic, rumours and the awful feeling of not knowing. Then there was the truth, how they found the truth, an explanation for what was happening and why. More than that in unnecessary.

Our planet was dying because of the position we’d been in during our cycle. We were in the precise spot that another planet was brought into. It had caused the eclipse of an eternity, in an attempt to make us its moon. It had also caused the downfall of the human race and Earth. #FF0000 ">I would cut this. It doesn't make sense at all, it doesn't fit with what we were already told, and it just confuses at the very end of the story.

In the paragraph above here I would rather continue on the "I could feel our lives crumbling down around us, burning." sentence. Elaborate, tell us more about the mood and the people. How everyone is reacting and what they are doing and saying.

Ironic, it is. The great ball of flame that had given us life was also the giver of destruction. Our sun, our savior, our killer.

I absolutely adore the ending! I would change "ball of flame" to something a little bit more classy and alegant like "great star," but other than that I think it is perfect. I love how such a grotesque and gruesome story is finished off in this dark-humored, simple-cut way - just stating acceptance.

As a last comment I have to say that what you have done with the "I" person is amazing! I love how we don't know anything about him or her. It makes it really easy to connect with this particular setting. Relating to a person is much harder than relating to the end of the world, and I think that if there were characters that you had to assosiate and connect with it would make it harder to keep focus on what's going on.

Hey. I liked your story, but it could have been developed a lot more. Detail, characters and a central plot or narrative are missing. Also, the idea of darkness bringing about the end of the world is a cliche' (can't get an accent on the e) and has been done hundreds of times. Just read Isaac Asimov's Nightfall and you'll see what I mean.