No. 13

Deleted.

Hey,

I can tell this is great and moving and truly just wonderful. Now if only I had the mental maturity or really mental capacity to understand it. I'm guessing your sort of making fun of religion? The descriptions and imagery is great but right now, to me at least, they're just words, with as much meaning as a piece of fluff drifting in the air. I dunno how you can fix this, because there isn't anything that I can point out to fix.

Sorry for the completely useless review.

Favorite Line: cell phone drumming, Bible thumping shredded paper

Grade: N/A

~A very confused Jas

Forgive me if I'm just being ignorant, but to me this just seems like a bunch of words put together without much meaning called a poem. You have way, way too many adjectives without enough story, or even body, for that matter to even out the flow. And I'm guessing you didn't try to be too poetic with this one, but it is under LYRIC poetry, and I just don't see it, at all.

Now, to be fair, it is extremely interesting and thought-provoking and I'm sure I'm only being so unpleasant because I don't know half the words in this, nor do I have the time to look them all up and attempt to decipher the significance of them.

Anywho, good job, still. I'm sure underneath all that vocabulary it's pretty good.

~BTM

This is really nice. Actually, nice doesnt quite fit there. Its ensnaring, confusing, exilerating. It feels like falling through words. You, sir, have alot of dark in your heart. I see it. Not just in this poem, but in every post you make, every comment or review or liturature. Youve got alot of twistedness in your life. Its nice to see how you twisted your poem in the same way. I guess it was intentional that i cant understand it. Overall, good job. P.s. your vocabulary is alittle distracting.

YES! Thank God it's not just me who doesn't get it.

Well, maybe if there were more complete sentences, with less adjectives it would make sense.
Now, I'm very confused, I did not get any of the poem, at all.
I'm sorry if this was harsh.

Keep writing though, but, try to stick to a main theme, or point.