By Day's End. Pt 2

the first part can be found

HERE

Hydrogen Peroxide, I snatched the bottle and shook it to make sure there was still some in there. I closed the medicine cabinet and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I pulled my black hair out of my eyes so I could look at them clearly.

yup, bloodshot, I sighed and my shoulders slumped.

I was a pretty average looking kid, Average Height, Average hair, and a smooth long face, a straight nose, not too long or short.
I was snapped out of my trance by a cough from the livingroom, I opened a drawer to grab some cotton swabs and medical tape. I hurried out to the couch and regretted not grabbing some surgical gloves. Dad was
layed out on the coach, moaning and groaning and clutching his arm in pain. I held the wounded hand up to inspect it then put it down again to grab some cotton swabs and Hydrogen Peroxide. I soaked the cotton swabs in HP and pressed them to his wound, a savage bite mark on the back of his hand. The hydrogen peroxide bubbled inside the wound and I heard a hiss as my father felt the pain of the cleansing fluid. He jerked this way and that until I could pin his shoulders down on the couch. he was beyond talking, he seemed confused and he kept making questioning sounds as if he didn't know where he was. I bandaged the wound with soaked cotton swabs and medical tape.

I walked to my room and then to my desk, I selected a book from the shelves mounted above my computer.
The Zombie Survival Guide, I started to make a mental checklist of my supplies.
Water, check.
Canned Food, check.
Weapons...

I turned around and looked at my closet. there were no clothes hung up, they were all in my drawer. the thick wooden stick mounted in the closet was empty and useless... Until now. I stepped forward and ran my hand down the length of the beam, I looked towards one of the circles that it had been shoved in, it had a small opening in the rim that held
the beam in place, I slid the piece of wood out of the circle then tugged, removing it from the other circle. I was now the proud owner of a staff that was just as tall as myself.

I sat back down at my desk,
Weapons, check.
But a wooden stick wouldn't get me far, I needed a better weapon, a GUN, if it became necessary. I snatched a pen and some paper off my desk and ran back to the couch where my father lay.

"Dad, Dad, This is very important. What is the code to the safe?" I asked coaxingly, placing the pen in his hand and the paper in his other one, he looked at the objects with slight recognition, he started to scribble something on the paper and I got hopeful, when he was done I took the paper from him but excitement fell as I saw that the numbers were unreadable.

"Okay, Plan B." I said as I walked through the door to my parent's bedroom, I opened the closet and reach above to the shelf, there was a small rectangular metal box. I brought it down and into the living room, where I put it softly in my dad's lap. He definitely recognized this, his hand fluttered to the numbered buttons on the top and started
pressing them in a seemingly random order, a beep sounded out after 5 buttons had been pushed, he put his hand down and I took the safe from him.
Tugging on the door rewarded me with a nice view of the contents of the safe, Success!

I sat on the floor and took stock of what was in it.
9mm Beretta M92fs, check.
Cash, check.

I sighed as I pulled the gun from it's case. there were three magazines, all loaded, and several boxes of ammo. I ran back to my room to grab my back pack.

~~~~

About 3 and a half hours later, I had a back pack filled with canned food, bottled water, and boxes of ammo for the gun. I had the Beretta on my hip in it's holster and two magazines stuck in their pouches. I pulled my trench coat on and buttoned it up so the gun was concealed.

After rechecking my supplies and telling my father that I was going for help, I opened the door and stepped out into the world.

It wasn't the world I remembered.

(The format got really messed up when, I had to copy-paste it into Notepad instead a Word.doc, so I had to quickly reformat it while posting)

Hey Confictura Here to lend a review for you. First off, I liked this. It had character. I didn't find myself falling bored as I was reading through it. It was very interesting, despite me having not even read the first part to it. But I plan on getting to it next for sure.

However, I found a few mistakes. I'm not sure if you noticed yourself, but some of your paragraphs were cut off in odd places. But this could have something to do with the note you inserted at the end. Maybe your work just got a little scrambled in the process of converting it? I would make a point to reading back through your work to correct these little typos and things. They're really easy to spot, so I won't bother pointing out the obvious.

I noticed everything was very based on action. I didn't quite see a lot of diologue or character thoughts involved. Character developement is important too though aside from action. It's good to have an equal use of both so your story doesn't seem so lopsided.

Another thing, I noticed this was posted under general fiction short stories. It seems more like a novel to me. Like these two parts you've written could be chapters instead. Perhaps you've posted under the wrong forum? I think this would make an interesting novel, personally. Chew on it.. Overall, good job though.

Zombies, I knew it was zombies! Always the Zombies!

In any case, it I found the way started at the beginning of the zombie era (first few zombies), refreshing and new. It is also interesting seeing it from the kids point of view.

Keep it up!
~FW~