And I'm Proud

Reach out and touch me.
I'm real.
Grab a knife and cut me.
I'll heal.

There's proof I exist,
Now you see.
Before you make judgements
About me.

I'll try to be truthful,
You should know.
But if I told you the truth
You would go.

I love men AND women,
Yes I do.
I'm not ashamed.
But are you?

You say it's absurd
To be bi.
You say its unclean,
I say why?

You cringe at me, frown at me.
You hate me.
But moments before,
You loved me.

Funny how who I am
Affects you.
Makes you really hate
How I live.

You don't care anymore
That I'm me.
My happiness is what
You won't see.

But I'm flying high
Like a cloud.
I'm bisexual,
And I'm proud.

I love it. It says what others are afraid to say. True perfection, my dear. Fantastic job in standing up for yourself.



Bravo.

~BTM

The subject matter is win. I'm bisexual and proud, too. However, the flow is choppy and inconsistant, and I have to say I'm not the biggest fan of rhyme. At times, the rhyme seems forced.

I love men AND women,
Yes I do. I'm not ashamed.
But are you?

First off, use italics for emphasis, not capitalization. Second, why would they be ashamed? Perhaps they think you should be, but they're not bisexual, so that bit is confusing.

Other than that, great job!

>>Annie<<

I really like this! Just like behindthemask said, you said what others are afraid to. I really do like this poem! especially the first stanza, thats what drew me in. I love the rhyming! Great job!

Hey,

The rhyme was a bit simple but still the flow was pretty good, even though it was choppy. I liked the message, it was very clear and blunt. This itself didn't seem like much of a poem to me, more like a rhyming bunch of sentences. Add a bit of imagery, maybe instead of

'Grab a knife and cut me'

say

'Take your rusty blade and cut my flesh'

Ooookay. Don't say that. It sounded like bad emo poetry. xD But I think you get what I mean, you have to be more creative with it.

Favorite Line: You cringe at me, frown at me

Grade: A

~Jas

Hello. I am Masque, and I shall be reviewing your poem today.
Firstly, as others have said, I liked the subject matter, because it isn't a way overused topic like we see a lot of.
Some of the rhymes I found a bit awkward. The first stanza was good, but it set a rhythm and flow that some of the other stanza's didn't match up with. Some of the rhymes were also awkward and disrupted flow.

Funny how who I am
Affects you.
Makes you really hate
How I live.

In this stanza "you" and "live" doesn't rhyme, yet the two words at the end of the 2nd and 4th lines of the other stanzas do. Perhaps reword this part.

Apart from that there isn't a lot of imagery in this poem. It's more just projecting the narrator's thoughts. I would try adding some imagery, like metaphors, to help set the tone and give the piece more imagery. For me poems are more likely to stick with me if they have imagery in them.

There's a lot of potential in here, so I wouldn't abandon this poem.

Happy writing!
Masquerade

Thnks guys! And to all of you, the choppiness was intentional. When I explain difficult thing, I pause alot and stuff. I broke the lines so you could hear my struggle.

VousEsEtonnant wrote:Reach out and touch me.
I'm real.
Grab a knife and cut me.
I'll heal.

There's proof I exist,
Now you see.
Before you make judgementsjugments
About me.

This stanza above is a tad confusing to me. I think that there isn't much doubt that they exist... just a but confusing to me. But hay, I'm biast to the GBLBT community.

I'll try to be truthful,
You should know.
But if I told you the truth
You would go.

I love men AND women,
Yes I do.
I'm not ashamed.
But are you?

You say it's absurd
To be bi.
You say its unclean,
I say why?

You cringe at me, frown at me.
You hate me.
But moments before,
You loved me.

Every other line is different words that ryhme. This one is the same word. Not necessarily bad, but just... different.

Funny how who I am
Affects you.
Makes you really hate
How I live.

Doesn't rhyme, as everyone else has said.

You don't care anymore
That I'm me.
My happiness is what
You won't see.

But I'm flying high
Like a cloud.
I'm bisexual,
And I'm proud.

What I like:
-your style of writing
- the formatting
-topic is cliche, and you pulled it off splendidly.
-everything

What wasn't so hot:
-consistency of rhyme (I had to find SOMETHING to put here)


I really like this piece. More that you can understand! Keep on writing, Vee!

~MilkNCookies

Thumbs up on the topic!

The poem in itself is rather simply done, and some of the stanza's rhymn yet others dont... which isn't necessarily good structure. What I will say is work on your writing technique and structure.

Other than that, its good to be proud! People who don't understand or try not to understand and remain ignorant are deplorable. I'm glad to see you don't care what anyone thinks and thats an awesome way to be!

~Walker

Wow, I like it. In truth, I think that your sexuality isn't important, and you should be proud of your beliefs. You should love somebody for who they are. Regardless of sex. Did I just call myself Bi as well? Hmmm. I guess we all kind of are. The poem was flawless and the flow great. Not much else to say. Good work.

--Skis

Hey! I love the poem, except as it goes further in the rhyme stops or gets ... bad. First stanza - amazing and they aren't all bad. I love the point you're getting across and you do that skillfully. I'm bi so I enjoyed it xD. Just rhyming needs more work. You had a great beginning

Whoa, that's really deep The part was the one that really sucked me in, I absolutely loved it!

But I'm flying high
Like a cloud.
I'm bisexual,
And I'm proud.

You're a really good poet (;