To the Sea

To the Sea

And I saw such majesty in her eye
That I could not look away from her;
Such splendor, such brilliance was the sea
That I felt I would burst with the
Magnificence of this sole creation.

And every wave rocked back and forth,
Folding in on itself; growing, swelling
To such a size that it crashed and beat
Against an unyielding wall.

And each wave contained a myriad
Of blue and teals of such hue that
Any onlooker would be empty,
Those who could pass by and not halt
To revel in its beauty.

And to see it brings such joy to my soul,
Yet fills me with such longing that
I cannot express; oh, how bereft I feel
Now that I have gone from the sea.

And in my mind’s eye, I see myself
Returning one day, to the sea—
Once again I will be reunited
With a love that I knew only briefly
But with such unfathomable intensity.

And it is a part of me; so deeply and profoundly
Was I affected that I shall carry it always
With me in my heart, the sea;
Thus is the nature of such things.

Hi there. First of all, I really loved this. Second, you did an amazing job at painting a picture in my head. I couldn't really see anything wrong with this piece, but it could be because I'm so tired from reviewing everyone's works all night! But this is pretty good, if you ask me. If you need me to take a look at something else (when I'm fully awake of course) just send me a link and I'll be more than happy to look at it and review it. Keep writing, you're rather good at it! Hope to read another piece soon. Good luck.

~Forsakinshadow~

PS: This deserves a 'like'.

Hi, Emmer!

I liked this a lot as well. I think you write beautifully without trying to be too artsy or fancy. Simplicity is pretty.

I especially liked this bit:

And each wave contained a myriad
Of blue and teals of such hue

I love the words myriad and hue, and I think this sounds nice in general, too.

I was a little disappointed by the ending, though. Throughout the poem you show a great deal of potential, but then the end just falls flat in my opinion. I don't feel like "Thus is the nature of such things." is a last line that's worthy of the rest of the poem. It's just so unfortunately vague. I hope you'll come up with a better solution for it.

Something I would really like to give you some recognition for was the usage of the word "unfathomable". I simply love it, not only because it's a cool word, but because it reminds me of the sea even though the speaker don't necessarily talk about the sea in that bit. It's just really clever and I like it so much.

Overall, good job!


Demeter
x

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

I've always loved the sea and so I took an immediate liking to your poem. The sea can be so violent at times, but this poem was melancholy, sweet, maybe a tad ominous. The words that you use are just gorgeous, so simple. As Demeter said, simple is pretty. I couldn't agree more. Your first line is really appealing...it drew me in immediately. Lovely, lovely poem.

Yours,
Lavvi

And I saw such majesty in her eye
That I could not look away from her;
Such splendor, such brilliance was the sea
That I felt I would burst with the
Magnificence of this sole creation.

--Such a wonderful opening stanza! It touches my heart!

In fact, all of the rest of your poem is so well-written! I will definitely like this. There was no mistake I could find, your grammar's perfect, punctuation -- fine, and the style -- breathtaking! Keep on writing!