Untitled

I just wrote this poem in like 2 seconds.


I miss you.
I hate how it’s true.
I love you.
The words I wish I didn’t feel.

I hunger for you.
The feeling roars within me, fighting to be free.
I feel you within me.
Hurting and destroying me.

I remember you.
Your memory inside my mind and my heart.
I’ll never forget you.
Your laugh, your kiss, will be forever within me.

Even if you’re not here, you’ll always be with me.
In my heart forever, even if it kills me.

Hey!
I loved this! You are very good at writing poems in two minutes
I could easily relate to this poem, because it reminds me of some things my sister has gone through, but we won't talk about that!

I could not find anything wring with your punctuation or grammar. The flow was also very nice. I liked how you made a statement and then backed it up!

Keep it up!
-Jessa

I liked the last line "you'll remain within me, even if it kills me". And if you can write that in 2 secs , i can't imagine what something would look like if you accually worked on it. Very nice. Heartfelt -even if just off the bat.

Thanks people! I love you for loving my poem! I was hoping that this was something that could be felt and understood, if I got that reaction from you, than awesome!

I miss you.
I hate how it’s true.
I love you.
The words I wish I didn’t feel. -- nice stanza, simple yet beautiful.

I hunger for you.
The feeling roars within me, fighting to be free. -- love this line
I feel you within me.
Hurting and destroying me.

I remember you.
Your memory inside my mind and my heart.
I’ll never forget you.
Your laugh, your kiss, will be forever within me. -- this stanza sounded a little bit cliche, you should add some more figure of speech here.

Even if you’re not here, you’ll always be with me.
In my heart forever, even if it kills me.

-- the ending was good though.

All in all, nice poem. I can't point any grammar/spelling mistake, since you don't have any. Well done, especially the first two stanzas.

I miss you.
I hate how it's true.
I love you.
The words I wish Ididn't feel. -- nice stanza, simple yet beautiful.

I hunger for you.
The feeling roars within me, fighting to be free. -- love this line
I feel you within me.
Hurting and destroying me.

I remember you.
Your memory inside my mind and my heart.
I'll never forget you.
Your laugh, your kiss, will be forever within me. -- this stanza sounded a little bit cliche, you should add some more figure of speech here.

Even if you're not here, you'll always be with me.
In my heart forever, even if it kills me. -- the ending was good though.

All in all, nice poem. I can't point any grammar/spelling mistake, since you don't have any. Well done, especially the first two stanzas.

Hey there!

You have a good rhyming pattern and every words at the end of each line flows and matches well with others. But it's better if the words used are much stronger and more poetic. As far as I can see, the poem lacks depth... one-dimensional in general. Try looking outside the box and add more metaphors, symbols and even life into your poem. The words aren't enough to express feelings. Try digging deeper because it might look cliche' otherwise in the end. Nothing interesting to remember. As much as possible, let this poem stand out out of every million love poems in the whole world. Try not to limit yourself only to a kind of level like this... be creative with your words. You should be able to let your readers remember your poem even after they read this. Not just forget about it after a matter of few seconds.

Grammar wise, I don't really have much bad thing to say. I challenge you to read a good poem and know its elements and factors that can contribute to the beauty of that particular poem.

Hope this helps and let me know if you have any questions. ^^

Keep writing,
Yuri

Hello there.
I loved this poem a lot. You have got great imagery. A perfect flow with great rhyming skills. And no grammatical mistakes as much as i can see over here. Some lines in it are totally epic. If this was just written in 2 seconds as said it was then you have great talent stuffed inside of you. A perfect yet simple start and a great ending. I certainly have no critique for this.

Favorite lines:

Even if you’re not here, you’ll always be with me.
In my heart forever, even if it kills me.

Keep writing.

Hello!

I liked it. It was sweet and sincere yet had a dark undertone. I love that you give just the slightest glimpse of anger and deception. One thing is though you repeated the phrase, "Within me," quite a few times and it's really repetitive.

Especially here:

The feeling roars within me, fighting to be free.
I feel you within me. you basically said "I feel, within me" twice in two lines, a big no-no. I know you said you wrote this in like 2 seconds, but you should really consider thoroughly editting it.

Also,

Your laugh, your kiss, will be forever within me.
Even if you're not here, you'll always be with me.

In my heart forever, even if it kills me. You ended lines with 'me' three times in a row. It's really sloppy, so try to reword these.

I really like these lines:

I love you.
The words I wish I didn't feel.

Awesomesauce, nice emotions in this.

~BTM

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

This was sweet, in a pretty sort of way. It gave me that warm-fuzzy feeling you get when someone talks about romance or just love regarding anybody, really. Joyous. That's the word. I especially like the first stanza--it really captures the sense of romance where you have so many different emotions swirling in and around you.

I've read many poems like this, however, so it wasn't much new to me. But it was nice to read.

Yours,
Lavvi