It was a long car ride home due to the awkward silence; which Spence broke.
“So little sister, how are you feeling?”
“Well,” I started to talk when mom popped in the conversation, “I would imagine she feels anything she can feel after getting raped!” Mom always got worked up over the dumbest things.
“Actually mom, I feel fine. I have the best support system I could’ve asked for.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about; you’re in denial.”
“Mom I’m not in denial, and I’m not depressed.”
“Well you should be!”
“You want me to be depressed and withdrawn!?”
“No of course not but what just happened…How are you so perky!?”
“Because I can’t change it!” I started crying and again the awkward silence washed over the car. This time Spence couldn’t break it because of all the tension.
When we got to the house I ran up to my room. As I was walking up the stairs, I was trying to text John so he could come over. I didn’t really want to talk I just wanted someone to hold me, to comfort me. My mom thinks I shouldn’t embrace my happy side, she believes I should be depressed because of what happened. I didn’t want to be depressed but she got her wish.
20 minutes ago I texted John, he just got to my house. I heard him talking to Spencer and Spencer told him that I was in my room; he walked up the stairs and entered in my room. I told him why I was depressed all of the sudden and he understood. I told him how I didn’t feel like talking and I started crying again, that’s when he put his arms around me. We sat silently in each others arms for two hours when he finally aid he had to go home. I told him I didn’t want him to leave so he called his mom and asked if he could sleepover. My mom said he could stay if he slept on the pull out couch, which he did up until she went to bed the he came up to my room. We didn’t do anything he just laid there and I laid my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat and his chest move slowly up and down as he breathed; it calmed me down, made me feel safe. As we laid there in my bed it was completely silent. When I finally went to sleep he stayed up and I knew he did because when I woke up from a night mare he had a worried look on his face. I told him in my dream how he left and the men who raped me came back and I had no one to protect me and that’s when John said, “I will never let you go unless you tell me to leave and even then I won’t be far behind you.”
Coming from him that meant a lot. “I love you.” I kissed him and went back to sleep.
The next morning when I woke up John was gone. I walked down stairs to see if he was there and he was. He and Spence were talking up a storm. I wanted to say something like I was in the room but I didn’t want to be rude but John had already spotted me through the corner of his eye.
“Morning sleepy head.”
“Morning.”
“How did you sleep?”
“I slept fine. I guess.”
“Well if it’s because of that nightmare you don’t have to be afraid I’ll never leave you.” He got up from the couch and walked towards me. Resting his right hand on my left cheek he kissed me. He pulled back from the kiss and put his arms around me holding me in his comforting embrace, whispering in my ear, “I love you” over and over again followed by, “I will never leave.”
I kissed him and told him I loved him, too.
Spencer left the room to give me and John some privacy. After he left we sat on the couch and started talking. We could talk for hours non stop and no matter what we would never run out of things to talk about. I absolutely love John and I’m lucky he chose me over Lucy, the head cheerleader, who had the hugest crush on him since the second grade. I had only had a crush on him since the fifth grade but turns out he liked me since the third grade and never really liked Lucy so he chose me. I’m glad he chose me because I love him and obviously he loves me.
Lucy never liked me after that she tried to make my life a living hell from that first day me and John first started dating. Being the head cheerleader she was the most popular and all authority to knock me down from popular to geek in point 2 seconds. The only reason she hates me is because I got John. He is like a trophy to her but to me, to me he is everything. Everything I have ever dreamed for everything I have ever wanted and now because I have him, she is determined to make my life a living hell.
After we talked for about three hours non stop, he had to go home and for the first time since I have been home from the hospital, I was alone in my bedroom. Darkness surrounded me and I felt like I was going to vomit. I hated being alone. My being alone meant that John wasn’t there and even thought Spence was 2 doors down, I felt like I was 2 universes away from any living thing. The nightmares came back and every night for the next few weeks had the same night mare. It was like I couldn’t get the scene out of my head and no matter how hard I tried it was like there was this repeat button going off in my head.
2 weeks later I was surrounded by people I once knew. Now that everyone knew, they all looked at me like I was crippled and I couldn’t do anything because of what happened.
I tried to tell them all that I was fine even though I wasn’t and they obviously didn’t buy it because they still asked the same questions over and over again., “Jade are you ok?”
“How are you?” and my answers are always the same, “I’m fine just stop asking.”
I think the ‘stop asking’ part gave away my supposed act that I was fine and nothing was wrong.
Good luck to you, and keep me posted!