Ahoy!

Walking toward the big cliff's edge,
not able to turn back.
Then I was plummeting towards death, but
he smiled and cut me some slack.

I was dropped into a big sailboat,
headed far from here.
As long as we were sailing away,
I would go anywhere.

The crew was great and filled with chuckles,
I guess you would call it great fun.
That is, of course, until our ship hit a rock
and we crashed underneath the setting sun.

I remember falling, and seeing Death,
his smile looking rather grim.
There he was again, while I dropped in darkness.
It's true, then, you can not escape him.

So this poem is really cute, but the rhythm's just barely off. here are some words that *may* help (: they're in red italics.

flyinginvisible wrote:Walking toward the big cliff's edge,
not able to turn back.
Then I was falling, falling, falling towards death, but the repetition cuts off the rhythm. I'd suggest using something else? plummeting is a good word.
he smiled and cut me some slack.

I was dropped into a big sailboat,
headed far from here.
As long as we were sailing away,
I was ready to go anywhere.this doesn't rhyme, and doesn't fit the rhythm.

The crew was great and filled with chuckles,
I guess you would call it great fun.
That is, of course, until our ship hit a rock
and we crashed underneath the setting sun.

I remember falling, and seeing Death,
his smile looking rather grim.
There he was again, while I dropped in darkness.
It's true, then. You can never escape him.rhythm. again (:

Basically, from the end on the rhythm gets kind of wacky. I don't want to change it though, because it's your poem and not mine! Message me if you have any questions!

Love,
Fixed


PS: I LOVE your personification of death! (:

Thanks a lot! I made some changes, taking your suggestions.
Thank you for the help.