Mad Sanity

MAD SANITY

"Did you build up a world of magic... Because your real life is tragic?" Traja was sneering, gleefully.
"Come on, lonely Laurie! Laurie no-friends. Laurie no-world... You don't know what is real anymore, do you?" He said. "Is your entire reality built up out of lies?"

"Stop it! Stop provoking me," Laurie sobbed, lashing out at him.
Traja stared at her for a long while, and then began to laugh.
"Oh, Laurie, what did I ever do? You know that this is all your fault..."


Traja began to fade.
Just as Lorna, one of the phycologists, began to bustle cheerily into Laurie's cell.
Traja always disappeared. In fact, Laurie was the only person to have seen him, and it was infuriating - because she knew that he did it on purpose.
"Hello, Laurie! Are you having a good morning?" cried Lorna, painfully enthusiastic.
Laurie glared at her. "Oh, yes, I'm feeling fantastic!" she mimicked.

It was easy to tell that Lorna was terrified of people like Laurie. She stuttered; constantly shifted her eyes; wrung her hands - everything that she told her patients not to do, in order for them to escape their "shells."
Choosing to ignore Laurie's comment, she said, "Treasure hasn't been here again, has she? I do hope you can talk about it."
"His name is Traja - and he is a he!" Laurie cried furiously. "I don't remember ever telling you about him, Lorna. So kindly butt out." She turned her back to her.

Lorna sighed. She wasn't any good with kids... especially this one.
Inhaling again, she took her mind back to Laurie's file. The very first article relating to her real problems read, "Laurie Strode, aged at 9. Now orphaned. Killed her baby sister (6 months) with kitchen knife. Stabbed manically 16 times in chest and neck. Relatives claim that she was starved of attention somewhat, although both children were loved and unharmed. Killed her father with bedside lamp, smashed repetatively over head. Killed mother using a hammer, after she had returned from work. Different weapons suggest that Laurie may have enjoyed the experience, and was experimenting. Laurie Strode is completely mute and has not spoken to anybody since these events two weeks ago."
And there was a second article, written by a different phycologist: "Laurie Strode, aged 9 and a half, seems to be opening up to me now. However, she currently will not speak to another person. She claims that she did commit the murders, but her friend, "Traja," made her do it. She said that she did, however, enjoy it and when "Traja" made her drink her mother's blood, she enjoyed the taste. "It tasted like fruity oily metal," she told me. Laurie was smiling when she said this. I believe that she is schizophenic, because she claims that she has seen her friend in the unit. Further assesment required."
Lorna skimmed through the rest of the papers, until the very lastest. It was written by the same woman whom wrote the second article:
"Laurie Strode, now 15 years of age and in Saint Joe's Mental Health Hospital For Children. I fear that Laurie has not really progressed at all, since my first assesment with her. She will talk, now, but her child-like nature is forever present. I have finished my last assesment with her and it didn't go particularly well. Traja is still ever-present in our conversations. I hope that somebody can get through to her."



I wrote loads more than this but my computer wiped it clean! :O
If you'd like me to write some more, and it's really not boring, than please say
REVIEW, PLEASEEE xDDDD
And... No, I can't spell physcology. Or pshycology. Or pyh... Whatever

Hi! I really enjoyed your story. It was quite imaginative and descriptive. I loved the beginning - very mysterious. I also loved the blunt way to informed the reader of laurie's past. I didn't really find any major faults with your piece. A few spelling errors and gramatical errors, but nothing to write home about. Btw, it's Psychology. I'd love to read more. ( I would be Sooooo mad if my computor wiped my work out!) AC xxx

Hmm great start 2 a seemingly excellent story. The story is very intresting, has captured my attention already. Now that you have your audiences attention keep it there and continue writing. Though mind your starting, I recognize the wordz. Lol. Keep writing great story, describe da alter egos a bit more. I think you should review the first few paragraphs just to clear it up to your readers a bit more. All in all I'm eagerly anticipating more:)

Hello again! As I promised, I'm here with some feedback. =D

I think you wanted to spell "psychology"? ;D Took me years before I finally got used to the spelling myself!

This is a very neat idea. I can definitely tell you know your character Laurie very well, which is very good. Especially if you want to continue this. She seems like a very unique character that you'd have to get to know well before putting her in situations. I also like how you started with the dialogue between Laurie and Traja. The reader can identify with Laurie that Traja is as real as Laurie says he is.

There were a couple things I wanted to suggest, among them being the psychologist, Lorna. (Very minor and nit-picky thing, but I'm not sure about calling her Lorna. I kept getting Lorna and Laurie mixed up, which is probably because I'm meeting both of them for the first time. It's a style thing though, so you don't have to do anything about it. I had to restart a couple times though to keep them straight.)

I'm guessing Lorna is a new psychologist for Laurie. At least, I hope so since she kept rereading the articles in Laurie's file. If Lorna was always Laurie's psychologist, I'm not sure why she has to read through the articles word for word? xD And from the reader's perspective, reading the files like this is kind of boring, I think. At least, I think it would do better to talk about the files later in the story when Lorna's alone, maybe discussing with Laurie's relatives or fellow psychologists. That way, the information about Laurie can come out naturally through dialogue, and the reader can better comprehend what's going on. I think it's safe to say the majority of readers like to hear the characters talk. They get so much out of dialogue!

Anyway, I thought Lorna seemed very inept. It doesn't sound like she's skilled enough to handle this patient, so why is she assigned to Laurie? Laurie sounds like a special case which requires special attention. Lorna should also be trained in handling all kinds of patients, right? Especially if she's so high up in the field that she can handle murderous, insane children like Laurie.

Aside from Lorna now, I think I'd like to see more Laurie action. Only so much can be told to the reader, but we still won't understand what kind of person she is without seeing her do something. Like.. when she lashed out at Traja. That was good! I'd like to see more than that or what exactly she thinks about the whole deal. It said in her files she enjoyed it, but she seems really upset. Maybe the conversation between Laurie and Traja can be about the murders or a plan to murder Lorna maybe, or perhaps Traja could provoke her a bit more -- by that, I mean maybe he can hit her buttons rather than just general, kindergarten "nana nana boo boo" insults. This can help with what I mentioned about the files. It would help the reader understand what exactly is going on in her head.

That's all I've got to really say. I think you should definitely work with this to see what you can do. It looks very interesting, so I hope you add more to it anyway! I'd like to see what happens next. =D

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!