Scribbles with Words

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Okay, so my cousin was visiting this weekend, so he kept asking me again and again to "draw another one." He especially liked dragons.
"Dai, draw something!"
"No way."
"Just one more. I'll leave you alone after this."
"Promise?"
"I swear."
"Fine."

[one quick sketch later]

"Draw another one, 'Suki!"
"Ahhhhhh!!"

So obviously these were drawn in the time of about two minutes, and not much thought was put into them. When my cousin finally left, I decided to make up little poems or stories based on how the character turned out, just to make the pictures more interesting. So here they are:

Image

There's a bug on the floor.
Oh my gosh, it's coming near!
Its drifting this way
Soon it will be right here.
What should I do?
Should I run?
Should I hide?
Or should I fetch my fly swatter
So I can say that I tried?
Hold on...
Don't laugh!
It's really not funny.
But what I thought was a bug,
Is just a dust bunny.



Image

Ribbons and flowers,
Satin and pink.
Don't all these fripperies
Just frankly stink?
My hair is tied up
Into pig-tails galore.
Oh, isn't this vanity
Simply a bore?
"Let's try on those!"
"Or this!"
"Or that!"
"Does this highlight my features?
Or make me look fat?"
I can't take the shiny!
the sparkle!
the frill!
If I see one more bow,
I'm gonna be ill!



Image

This is a girl from a story called "Run to the Hope". The girl (named Maji) is a very powerful wizard, though she doesn't know it. However, one day she gets in a fight and recieves a scar across her eye, which opens the lock on her incredible powers. She loses control on these powers a lot, and it brings pain to her and those around her (obviously, her friends and peers are extremely scared of her). However, a mysterious (and frankly annoying) boy is the only one able to match her powers, and thus able to control them when she can't. For this reason, they always have to be together even though she greatly dislikes him. Soon, through teamwork and courage, they slowly bond. Corny story, huh?

So here's the poem that goes along with it:
A scar from long past
Opened the door to my dark.
Into despair and rejection
I did swiftly embark.
Who knew that such power
Could bring this much pain?
Someone please help me,
I'm going insane!
A shadow falls across me,
A bright one - so pure,
I need not look up,
It is you - I am sure.
You took my hand
And embraced me warmly.
Never again shall I have
To live so forlornly.
Thank you, God, for sending
This gift out of strife.
With him I can truly
Live fully my life.


Image

Ehh... this is awkward, but they're not doing anything bad, really!. I don't even know why it turned out like this... Anyways, I just felt a strong urge to color something purple. :) No poem, sorry. By the way, the orange one's a dog and the purple one's a cat.



Image

This one is seriously pointless, but oh well, it still got a poem. Though not a very good one.

Howling with the wind,
Rushing beside the river.
Mysterious as the leaves' whispers.
Shirtless, scarred, and proud of it.
Wary, roaring defensive.
Humming silently as the cloud.
Spirited as the waving weeds.
Joyful like rain for the desert,
And just as scarce.



Thank you for taking time to look at these, and please forgive me!
Last edited by Daisuki on Tue Mar 22, 2011 11:44 pm, edited 6 times in total.
Oh, I wish I was punk-rocker with flowers in my hair.




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Nice picture. And you went above and beyond and even had a poem to go with it! That's awesome. I don't think I've ever reviewed one with a poem before. But was there only supposed to be one picture? I was kind of confused because it said image and had the poem and the story but there was no picture to go along with it. The only one I saw was the last picture and it didn't look like scribbles to me. And your cousin sounds really nice and I'm glad he likes your artwork.
Let's eat mom.
Let's eat, mom.
Good grammar saves lives :D




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Wow Suki, I'm so glad you linked me to this! I love the idea of making a poem to your art, I've seen it done before and it tends to make the work itself more meaningful. The drawings are great, especially being done in a few minutes :) I love how each character has a different expression and different personalities.
I won't spend ages critiquing every piece, but I'll give you some pointers :)

1) He's cute! I like his fluffy hair; the style looks a bit gravity defying, but with the manga/anime style you can get away with stretching the realism a bit x) I would've liked him looking even MORE surprised, maybe if you let his eyebrows peek through it would show more emotion. It looks like he has a bit more of a chest than a guy should, but the sweater looks like it's bulky so it'll pass.

There's a bug on the floor,
Oh my gosh, it's coming near.
Its drifting this way,
Soon it will be right here.
What should I do?
Should I run?
Should I hide?
Or should I fetch my fly swatter,
So I can say that I tried?
Hold on...
Don't laugh!
It's really not funny.
But what I thought was a bug,
Is just a dust bunny. #FF00FF ">I don't know a thing about poetry, but it seems like you don't need all the punctuation at the ends of your lines.


2) I like her blush and the design on her outfit. Not at all a bad picture :) Personally, I'm not a fan of the colors, the hair looks too dull and all the pink looks bulky, solid, and a bit overwhelming. But maybe you meant it that way, reading the poem :) Making her look even MORE disgruntled would show us just how much she despises this outfit x)

Ribbons and flowers,
Satin and pink.
Don't all these fripperies,
Just frankly stink?
My hair is tied up,
Into pig-tails galore.
Oh, isn't this vanity,
Simply a bore?
"Let's try on those!"
"Or this!"
"Or that!"
"Does this highlight my features?"
"Or make me look fat?" #BF40FF ">I'd prefer all these to be left out of quotations, but then again, I don't know squat about poetry
I can't take the shiny! #BF40FF ">shine
the sparkle!
the frill!
If I see one more bow,
I'm gonna be ill! #FF40FF ">all in all, I loved this poem :D It had a great singsong rhythm!


3) I love the angle, the luminosity to her eyes, and the title at the bottom :D Her eyes remind me of polished stone...
I love how the hair fans out, but it looks too flat and stiff on the left side in comparison. Maybe you could draw a few stray strands on her shoulder to help balance it out?
Actually, the story sounds quite entertaining :D Is it a manga?

A scar from long past,
Opened the door to my dark. #FF40FF ">nice!
Into despair and rejection,
I did swiftly embark.
Who knew that such power,
Could bring this #FF00FF ">somuch pain?
Someone please help me!
I'm going insane... #FF00FF ">maybe it would sound better (Someone please help me... I'm going insane!
A shadow falls across me,
A bright one - so pure,
I need not look up,
It is you - I am sure.
You took my hand,
And embraced me warmly.
Never again shall I have,
To live so forlornly. #FF00FF ">i love this rhyme too :)
Thank you, God, for sending,
This gift out of strife.
With him I can truly,
Live fully my life. #BF40FF ">careful again with all those commas, I don't think you need them and it slows down the reading.


4) They are cute ^_^ I'm in love with the color choice, the orange looks so vibrant against the purple ;) I thought they were of the same species, so maybe a few more details could be added to get them to look different.

5)Cute, again! ^_^ Did you name him Echo? I really love his expression, he looks strong and determined, and that's a hard thing to pull off! Hairstyle's awesome, too.

Howling with the wind,
Rushing beside the river.
Mysterious as the leaves' whispers.
Shirtless, scarred, and proud of it.
Wary, roaring defensive.
Singing silently as the cloud. #FF40BF ">from his pic, it doesn't look like he'd sing. But you probably didn't mean this in a literal sense :)
Spirited as the waving weeds. #FF4000 ">love these comparisons, by the way!
Joyful like rain for the desert,
And just as scarce. #BF00FF ">great ending. It leaves the best impression in my mind.


Well, I hope I was able to give you a few things to think about :) Honestly, this was amazing, I love the original approach you have to this; it's very different to the things you usually find on this site!
You might want to look up some tips on punctuation in poems, because I'm not quite sure if I knew what I was talking about when I corrected you x)
~blacksheep
The bad news is we don't have any control.
The good news is we can't make any mistakes.
-Chuck Palahniuk




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Reviews 135
Yeah I figured there were more pictures. And I wasn't disappointed. I'll give you a review on all them individually like xXTheBlackSheepXx did.

1. I love his eyes! They're so amazing and I don't think I've ever seen ears drawn that well and that brightly. I also like his expression and small teeth showing. Great work!
There's a bug on the floor#FF0000 ">,
Oh my gosh, it's coming near.
It#FF0000 ">'s drifting this way#FF0000 ">,
Soon it will be right here.
What should I do?
Should I run?
Should I hide?
Or should I fetch my fly swatter,
So I can say that I tried?
Hold on...
Don't laugh!
It's really not funny.
But what I thought was a bug,
Is just a dust bunny.

Adorable poem. If this was just a poem by itself it would be great. Simple poems like this that can make you laugh are my personal favorite. I'm not a huge fan to lyric poetry and reading a bunch of well written words. I enjoyed this poem!
And might I just say in all my time of reviewing on this site I've never once come across anything that says oh my gosh. Good for you! I don't like swearing and I considering the other phrase swearing and I don't like to read it. I try to use that in my own writing but either word says my order of words is wrong or my friends say I need more emotion in it and oh my gosh isn't appropriate. I'll have to mark this as a day in my history:)

2. Great use of details on their clothes and their eyes along with the teardrops. If I could say one thing you needed to improve on it would be the bangs. You may have meant to do it, but the color of the hair is kind of going off to the forehead like they just recently dyed it and it hasn't all washed out of their scalp yet.
I loved this poem also. I liked the girl's character because I can totally relate to that.

3. I love her hair. It's so long and pretty and you did great with the detail and making it look like beautiful hair. And the way you made it hand over her shoulders was just amazing.
I also loved the story. Did you write it? I'm going to have to look through your profile and see if you have it on there. If not I would love to hear more of it. The only thing I have to say about the poem is I think some of the commas weren't necessary and you seemed to just insert one at the end of each line even if it didn't need it.

4. The cat and the dog remind me of what you said about the girl and the annoying boy she grows to like. He seems like he's annoying her and she's just rolling her eyes at him. And great work on adding the ears to the hair. I like it. I'll be honest and say I'll have to agree with you about them looking like they're doing something bad. But I believe you.

5. Great pencil drawing. He actually looks kind of cute:) But I must say that the necklace line on the left side kind of looks like a shirt collar. But the other side looks exactly like a necklace.
And beautiful poem. It definitely has a lot of emotion in it.
Let's eat mom.
Let's eat, mom.
Good grammar saves lives :D



Writing is like love: the real thing is a lot less romantic
— dragonfphoenix