My Stupid Teenage Essence

OK, I just wrote this. It's about being...well, me! It's just something simple and lacking in smart words, but I hope you like it! Here:


Fear is what keeps me going when I feel like giving up,
It seems like one hand was dealt wrong, and the other's out of luck.

My hatred keeps my image going, my wall that never cracks,
It sheilds away the intelligence and decency I lack.

With one swift motion, cold words have made me shatter,
I've been told I wasn't good enough, which makes me work even harder.

I hide away from who I am, like a child scared of a clown,
I make you smile and make you laugh, when in your tears you drown.

I'm flawed with try too hard perfection and it makes me self resent,
I'm the distance loving daughter, with money wrongly spent.

Roses make me feel sick, they make my heart feel sore,
Though I'd secretly like a dozen red ones, sent to my front door.

I'm stupid so I tell myself, and I repeat it every day,
I don't believe in God, but when I'm in danger I pray.

I fall in love too easily, with boys that I've just met,
But I'm just a silly teenage girl and I don't know nothin' yet.

Hi SakuraFallsSweetly♥,

This was really great! I loved how it rhymed and it flowed really well. Maybe you could even push it a bit more, and go a bit deeper to express darker, richer teenage emotions. But I think you captured the initial essence of adolescence beautifully!
Well done!

Best wishes for future writing!

Miyakko.

Hi!

Aww, I loved this, really cute. I know not the best word choice. Anyways, despite it not having descriptive words, it's nice, it's just a simple poem, about well, you. I also thought it has a nice flow to it, it's definately catchy. Not all poems, have to be the same, it's nice to have variety, simple ones, or really descriptive ones. Just like the review above me, I agree, I thought you captured adolesence, I could relate to some of the stanzas. Overall, great poem, hope you keep on writing! My favorite stanza was:

"My hatred keeps my image going, my wall that never cracks,
It sheilds away the intelligence and decency I lack."


- Roxi

Interesting. I kind of felt this minute shadow of depression, until I finished reading everything. I like it! As stated in previous reviews/comments/replies, the rhymes you toyed with were fluid and appropriate! I also related to the part about prayers which was cool.

Much obliged.

Kudos. Keep it ^

I like this, and for a poem lacking big words it portrays a strong feeling of emotion that captures the life of a teenage girl. The lines I really like is:

I'm stupid so I tell myself, and I repeat it every day,
I don't believe in God, but when I'm in danger I pray.

hey... Just want to tell you...that it was really nice and I think without all those 'smart words' it was really good... the flow was so smooth and relaxing and I really liked it very much...
keep it up
Harshita...

I loved this! The entire poem is beautifully written, and your convey your emotions perfectly. I can REALLY relate to it too. It shows many different emotions and thoughts in a small poem, which in this case is good because it's really well-written!

The only thing I'd suggest is to change the last line from,

But I'm just a silly teenage girl and I don't know nothin' yet.

to "But I'm just a silly teenage girl and know nothing yet." (Or something along those lines) Just because I'm really picky about the whole double-negative thing.

Fantastic job!

~BTM

Ohmigosh! This is super cute! I really like the last line. It had a really nice flow with the rhymes. Great job with it.

BEUTIFULL, but sad it brings out ALOT of emotions I believe sad things I mean well good job can't wait to read more by you!

i lovveeeddd that! my favorite is the stanza about the roses...SO true. hahah this the best, it made me laugh and think and i love writers who can do that!

I loved this soooo much! The best part was the last stanza where you talk about falling in love too easily... that's me too! You've got great talent

Wow! This is extremely good!!! And you know what, when the poetry is good, there is absolutely no need for words that are "smart"! I think you did an incredible job, and all I can say is... keep writing!

Lindsay

"Keep your feet on the ground and your thoughts at lofty heights."~me

hey this is great!
its so relatable and fun.
you said you were lacking "smart words" but i dont think a good poet needs big words at all.
keep it up

I felt like you had stalked me and wrote down my life. great job!

GREAT! I love it! I like the emotion, and it's wonderful! Nothing much to say after that though.