Lost Love

Delina, is the angel of my heart. We have been best friends for so many years. I am Daniel. We dated for two years and I had finally told her how much she meant to me by asking her to marry me,but to my surprise,she never loved me at all. On that same day after I proposed she spit in my face and called me a stupid messed up in the head loser. Now she is happily married to my best friend Lee.
They had been secretly doing stuff together behind my back, two weeks after she did that too me I found out she was pregnant and it was my son, so to say. I didnt want any part of him because In my heart and my soul I knew it wasn't mine.On my way home from work I got in a car accident and put in the hospital. My heart slowed to a stop for a few moments then beat in my head for what seemed several hours.
Later that day my friend Isabelle came to talk to me about Delina. She said that Lee had beaten her and she was badly injured, I told her that it really doesn't matter because that pain she has will never be as much as she put me through. Isabelle thought I was cruel and she just stopped talking to me. Ever since Delina broke my heart I have been nothing but hateful to people I love the most. I never expected to ever hurt as much as I do now. After I got home I went straight to bed, for about a whole month I did nothing but sleep and cry my heart out. I am slowly getting over her through time.

Two weeks ago she came up too me and asked for my forgiveness and if I would accept her back. I knew how much I loved her but I knew in my heart it was best not to. My heart has been hurt to many times by that sweet sweet angel, I couldn't trust her anymore. I miss her more and more each day but.. she just isn't the one for me.

Hey buddies. I was wondering if you would please review this and tell me what you think,Please?

Brittany!

Hey there. Here to lend a review for you.

Delina,is the angel of my heart. (I noticed throughout your writing you have no space between commas. You should go back and fix this.) We have been best friends for so many years(.) Period here. I am Daniel. We dated for two years and I had finally told her how much she meant to me by asking her to marry me,but to my surprise,she never loved me at all. (This should be tweaked somehow. Maybe, "I come to find out she never loved me at all.") On that same day after I proposed(,) Comma. she spit in my face and called me a stupid messed up in the head loser(.) Period here. Now she is happily married to my best friend(,) Comma. Lee.  

They had been secretly doing stuff together behind my back(.) Two weeks after she did that (This would sound better as, "she had done that") to (You use the wrong kind of "to".) me(,) Comma here. I found out she was pregnant(,) Comma here. and it was my son,so to say. I didn(')t want any part of him(,) Comma here. because in my heart and my soul I knew it wasn't mine(.) Period. On my way home from work I got in a car accident and was put in the hospital. My heart slowed to a stop for a few moments then beat in my head for what seemed like several hours. 

Two weeks ago(,) Comma here. she came up to me and asked for my forgiveness(,) Comma. and (to ask) if I would accept her back. I knew how much I loved her(,) Comma. but I knew in my heart it was best not to. (Used the wrong kind of "to".) My heart has been hurt too (Again, different "too".) many times by that sweet(,) Comma. sweet angel,I couldn't trust her anymore. I miss her more and more each day but.. she just isn't the one for me.

Okay, apart from the grammatical errors, I feel as if the story could have been a little further developed. But it also didn't sound that bad being so simple. Maybe try inserting further character development. Like his feelings. I didn't quite grasp enough of how he felt on the situation until the end. And even then it seemed like all words. Try adding more depth to this, and I think you'll be good.

Also, I'm sure your title could be a bit better than "I don't know". Try thinking of something different. Something that might draw in the attention of potential readers better. Because having it listed under "other" and with the title "I don't know", it makes it sound like it's something not worth reading. People skim right over your piece. Which is a shame, because this really has a lot of potential, should you work on further developing it and finish editing. Good luck with your work here. If you have any further questions concerning my review you can PM me.

It sounds like a real life situation.
Good writing, keep it up.
~FW~