Balloon

I look at you
You look at her
She looks at me
You are my…friend
She is my best friend
You two are sharing headphones
I am fixing my shoe—literally
You laugh at the song
She helps me with my shoe
“Thanks”
I smile
But I am thinking about you
And my stomach feels empty

You both walked over to me
She came first
You followed
I think about you all the time
Who do you think about?

Am I jealous?
Yes
Is that stupid?
Probably
Am I mad at my best friend?
Not in the slightest
She has my back
Always
Am I mad at you?
Very
Am I over you?
No, not at all
Am I over you?
Maybe a little
I still get butterflies when I think about you
They are just as sudden and overwhelming
But their flavor is different
More…regretful
You are a balloon
I’m letting go of you and you are sailing away
I miss you
You make me smile
But I know you are gone


(My main concern is that this is too anecdotal and not poetic enough. Let me know what you think!)

This is very poetic and I love the rhythm so much. It flows extremely well. I do not usually nitpic, so I'm not going to be much help in this review, but I do want to tell you what I liked about this:

I look at you
You look at her
She looks at me

I like this part: 1) the rhythm is very good and it pulls you into the poem 2) it's very realistic. We've all had those moments where eveyone is looking at different spots, no?

You are my…friend
She is my best friend

I think that was perfect use of italics. I am usually one who might over-use italics, but that was the right place and right time.

You two are sharing headphones
I am fixing my shoe—literally
You laugh at the song
She helps me with my shoe
“Thanks”
I smile
But I am thinking about you
And my stomach feels empty

This does a really good job of describing the scene using few words, and also portrays a lot of feelings - we are starting to understand what the poem is about, if we have not figured it out by now.

Am I jealous?
Yes
Is that stupid?
Probably
Am I mad at my best friend?
Not in the slightest
She has my back
Always
Am I mad at you?
Very
Am I over you?
No, not at all
Am I over you?
Maybe a little

Perfect, perfect, perfect! The emotions, the asking yourself questions and answering them - it flows very well and sounds wonderful. I especially like:

Am I mad at my best friend?
Not in the slightest
She has my back
Always
Am I mad at you?
Very

That's probably my favorite part.

You are a balloon
I’m letting go of you and you are sailing away
I miss you
You make me smile
But I know you are gone

This is sort of the theme? Hence the name? I think it fits very well, the feelings you get letting go of a balloon and letting go of him. A balloon is not nescassary to live, right? See, it's perfect!

So, as you can see, I love this overall. I am usually not into free verse, but this poem flows so nicely that it was a pleasure to read.

This is poetic. I like the format of the poem. I think it works for the poem. There were two things that I didn't understand though.

I still get butterflies when I think about you
They are just as sudden and overwhelming
But their flavor is different

How can butterflies have flavor? Can you use a different word instead?

and this

I am fixing my shoe—literally

How can you figuratively fix your shoe? I don't think you need the word "literally" there.

Good job. I really liked this. Keep writing!

Well, it seemed poetic enough for me. I liked it. The narrator was having some girl/boy (most likely boy) troubles, huh? or maybe ex B/GF problems?

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

So I'm not really a great poetry reviewer, but I'll give it a try. If I sound nuts, just ignore it

This is sorta cool. I liked how it was, except that it reminded me a bit of three different poems with one common topic in mind. Kind of just glued together. There are parts when rhythm seems good and then all of a sudden it falls off a cliff. It'll be easy to adjust this by finding synonyms for certain words and reading this aloud to yourself and watching for how everything falls beat-wise.

Nice title.

Lavvi

I loved it! I especially liked the ending =D It had so much emotion in it!! It was also written in a different style that I've usually seen which makes it more interesting and fun =D I really loved reading this =)