The photograph

This poem means a lot to me: I was physically crying when writing this earlier. I hope that you enjoy it. Please give me your thoughts and feel free to give constructive criticism.

Here we go =


The photograph was dull,
Faded;
one of those black and whites.
It smelled strange,
musty;
carried the aroma of age.

The photograph had captured
a woman,
youthful.
I know her identity
but her face, her body:
it's unrecognizable.

The still frame
portrayed her,
arms thrust in the air,
balancing on one leg,
the other leg
swept backwards,
statuesque,
like a delicate ballerina.
She's frozen,
a look of ecstasy
painted on her face.

Now, she’s changed.
she old, stiff;
her body bearing the years
of her maturity.

But the change
is merely physical;
in her heart,
she is the same woman,
only wiser,
than the one snapped
with that Box Brownie
all those decades ago.

Hey AmeliaCogin

AmeliaCogin wrote:Faded;
one of those black and whites.

semicolons are used to connect two senteces. one of those black and whites wouldn't sound right to me as a sentence alone toots.

AmeliaCogin wrote:musty;
carried the aroma of age.

the same as I said before. I would put it before the word "carried"
other than that I think it is beautiful. I love when people put emotion it what they write. You should keep it up.

~Kiaya~

The organization seems a little choppy, but it works. The content is amazing. Overall I really like it. Like the comment above me indicates, I would avoid the use of the semicolon. Other than that, I don't really see much to correct. Good work! Keep writing!

-Liz