Sunrise

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Eniarrol
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Sat Mar 19, 2011 9:03 am
Eniarrol says... · Sat Mar 19, 2011 9:03 am
If you LIKE it press LIKE


An eternal sky streaked with dappled dye,
The orange yolk of an egg fracturing the dawn
An eerie serene moment,
As the smouldering orb touches the heavens
With its poised fingers of light.

Crafting bliss where all was sinister
And hope where all else had gone astray,
Leaving dainty fingerprints among emerald foliage,
Caressing the waters edge leisurely
As it fades to reveal the day.
A hero isn’t defined by winning. Loads of heroes die in the effort. Most of them never get any recognition. No, a hero is just somebody who does the right thing when it would be far, far easier to do nothing.


~Previously SweetMoments
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Dreamwalker
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Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:26 pm
Dreamwalker says... · Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:26 pm
Pretty much sheer godliness.

I love how freebased this poem is, though usually I don't care so much for non-rhymning, unbalanced poems. In this case, though, your descriptions and use of vocabulary is absolutely beautiful. You give a very interesting and touching look at something one has the chance to see everyday if they woke up early enough to see it.

What I will say is that this would be even more beautiful, I think, if there was a bit of form. Not rhymning because I love the use of vocabulary and the descriptive imagery, but maybe a specific syllable count to create interesting flow. This feel choppy in a sense whereas something in a specific syllable count would have a nicer flow.

But thats just a suggestion. I love the poem as is and it gives quite the interesting imagery.

So thumbs up on this one. I don't see too much where I could nit-pick seeing as it is rather small ;D
~The.Dreamwalker
Suppose for a moment that the heart has two heads, that the heart has been chained and dunked in a glass booth filled with river water. The heart is monologuing about hesitation and fulfillment while behind the red brocade the heart is drowning. - R.S
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MisunderstoodDreamer
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Sat Mar 19, 2011 4:57 pm
MisunderstoodDreamer says... · Sat Mar 19, 2011 4:57 pm
This is...AMAZING!!! It shows that poems don't have to rhym to sound good (unless there was run and I just missed I somehow). You are so descriptive! I really don't know what to say that could improve this. Keep writing!
I am a PUZZLE
yet to be put TOGETHER

But at the same time, I'm just one PIECE
still trying to figure out where I FIT IN
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Eniarrol
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Points 1464
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Sat Mar 19, 2011 9:03 pm
Eniarrol says... · Sat Mar 19, 2011 9:03 pm
Aww really guys? Thanks.
My confidence was kinda stamped on after it didn't make into this newspaper thing.
A hero isn’t defined by winning. Loads of heroes die in the effort. Most of them never get any recognition. No, a hero is just somebody who does the right thing when it would be far, far easier to do nothing.


~Previously SweetMoments
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Snoink
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Sat Mar 19, 2011 9:52 pm
Snoink says... · Sat Mar 19, 2011 9:52 pm
This is a nice poem! :D

The only thing that I might suggest is that you begin it in darkness... like, one of the best parts about the sunrise is how it is first desperately dark and t hen the first glimmer of light comes and turns the sky blue.. and the it erupts into red. It's a really cool transformation and I think it would be really neat if you included that in! :D
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
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I would be a terrible novel protagonist.
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