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Last edited by lele253isme on Thu Sep 15, 2011 2:29 am, edited 2 times in total.




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This is a really good poem!
Is it on purpose that you have 8 lines in the first and only 6 in the next, and that the first doesn't rhyme at all?
That was the only things i was wondering about! Really great poem, you really seem to have a gift for those! :)
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
- Gandhi




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I like the line in the first stanza, "That the grief of yesterdays convulsions", and I love how you pose the questions in the last stanza




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When they look through their eyes
I bet they only see far enough
That the grief of yesterdays yesterday's convulsions
Overwhelms them
Because only last month
They were busy with business
And now they don't know why
This happened to them

They probably have lost hope
Or they feel as though
There is no hope for them
The helpless, they may say this line confused me. I thought it belonged to the line above it.
To sit here this way
In the dark hole of deep despair that has struck them

When they think
How many have we lost?
How much has this world we live in cost us? the rhyme went a little wonky here x) I'm sure there's another way to say it so you get the rhyme right :)
And they look around
And smile for the found who's the found? I don't really understand this part.
Because there still is hope for the hopeless


Alright, I think I understood SOME of it, but towards the end, I didn't know where you were going with it. Who are the found? The ones who aren't confused about their lives?
Besides that, effective poem :)
The bad news is we don't have any control.
The good news is we can't make any mistakes.
-Chuck Palahniuk




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This is a really good poem. I could relate. I don't have enough time so I'm not going to get technical. But the one thing I did want to know is Who are they??? Haha. ;)
~Life has a song for every moment in life. It is just the matter of finding the right one.~



Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
— Jules de Gaultier