Winter's Connection

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The clouds whisper they're earthly words to me.
Heartfelt and close they know it all.
Secrets of cold fall from the sky.
I look up in awe as they look down in love.

The snow is cold.
Some say heartless. Others full of life.
But what they say could not be true for the snow has spoken.
Spoken of its life.

It falls like cotton soft and quiet.
Each flake a gift from above.
Snowflakes like faces, people, and behaviors.
Each unlike the others.

When it falls it packs together.
Like family they hug and sing.
It falls apart as well as comes together.
You can't help but think its just this silly weather.

Wrong you are, so very wrong it is.
For the snow has spoken.
Its carresing song sung like a nymph of the water.
A soft voice cool but yet strong.
SInging of an endless cycle that goes on and on and on.

When it melts the world turns green.
Soaking up the lives of the singing, living, loving, soft, cold.
It is not just water frozen and chilled.
It's life cruel, happy, loving, hateful, hard yet soft, gentle and unrelenting.
Faithful and free.
So unique in its everlasting life.

Forever moving.
Forever alive.
Forever mankind.
Last edited by kwar275 on Tue Apr 12, 2011 9:42 am, edited 2 times in total.




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Reviews 129
Hi there.

The first thing I would like to point out is the length of the poem. It is very long. I think you didn't need the last two paragraphs

"Each flake like a face, person, and behavior.
Each flake loved and scorned.
Each flake homless and greedy.
Each flake homly and alive.
Each flake like a face, person, or behavior.

So unique in its everlasting life.
Always changing into a locked heart.
Forever moving.
Forever alive.
Forever changing.
Forever unique.
Forever man kind."


I think the repeating gets quite tedious in these last two paragraphs.

Besides that, good job.
I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see.

Alice in Wonderland




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Hello there. I am Ehte here for your review.


The clouds whisper they're earthly words to me. The clouds whisper their earthly words to me.
Heartfelt and close they know it all.

Secrets of cold fall from the sky.
I look up in awe as they look down in love.

The snow is cold. Cliche. Try something else here.
Some say heartless. Others full of life.
But what they say could not be true for the snow has spoken.
Spoken of its life. Spoken of it's life.

It falls like cotton, soft and quiet.
Each flake a gift from above.
Snowflakes like faces, people, and behaviors.
Each unique unlike the others. Unique and unlike the others both mean the same thing.

When it falls it packs together. Packs together? Try rewording this.
Like family they hug and sing.
It falls apart as well as comes together.
You can't help but think its just this silly weather. You can't help but think it’s a silly weather.

Wrong you are, so very wrong it is.
For the snow has spoken.
Its caressing song sung like a nymph of the water. Good one.
A soft voice cool but yet strong. A soft voice, cool yet strong.
Singing of an endless cycle that goes on and on and on.

When it melts the world turns green.
Soaking up the lives of the singing, living, loving, soft and cold.

How oh how could you say such things. How? Oh how could you say such things?
It is not just water frozen and chilled.
It's life cruel, happy, loving, hateful, hard yet soft, gentle and unrelenting.
Faithful and free.

So unique in its everlasting life.
Always changing into a locked heart. Couldn't quite get this line?
Forever moving.
Forever alive.
Forever man kind. mankind is one word.


I liked your work a lot. It is very original and new. But it lacked flow at some places but no worries it can be worked upon.
Keep writing. :)
Are you living for the things you are praying for?




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Points 1235
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You're amazingly descriptive! I love winter, and I think this poem let's look at it from a new view. You show all the things that happen in winter. The only thing I thought you could fix was the line breaks. Sometimes it felt like they were at awkward points. Other than that, it was amazing! Keep writing.
I am a PUZZLE
yet to be put TOGETHER

But at the same time, I'm just one PIECE
still trying to figure out where I FIT IN




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Points 25520
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I love your work. The tone of seriousness and a bit loneliness really fits the bitter taste of winter's gale. But I think it may be too long, since you already emphasized your definition of winter connection to the first and last measures. Still, I do love your poem because of how you showed me the coldness of winter while I read it in my hot room!
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