I've Made A Mistake

I've made a mistake
a new one,
my latest one,
one to add to my millions
but this one
this special one
wins the golden trophy
and thrushes its flag
on Mistake hill.

I've made a mistake
even sorry can't defeat
a bouquet of flowers
a box chocolate treats,
even a guilty tear
cannot erase,
cannot undo,
cannot make it disappear.

I've made a mistake
that will always
belong to me
as the rumours spread
it will be used to define me
see that girl, she's the one,
the one who made that mistake

I've made a mistake,
I've made many
and I'll make more
but this one demeans
all those I made before.

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning to work on becoming yourself.
Anna Quindlen

Hi! I am OverEasy and I will be your reviewer today

I've made a mistake
a new one,
my latest one,
one to add to my millions
but this one
this special one
wins the golden trophy
and thrushes its flag
on Mistake hill.

I am not sure what it is about this first stanza that bothers me. It drones on a bit, so that by the end I am sort of bored, wondering how long one can describe how mistake prone they are. I am left wondering "why should I care?" which, I am assuming is not quite the reaction you're going for. Unfortunately, it feels a bit void of emotion--like something is missing. For one, the lack of imagery leaves the words feeling a bit flat. More than that though, your word use is pretty ordinary. The absence of imagery and extraordinary words sort of leaves something to be desired. I think that your topic is actually quite interesting. I love a good "I'm not perfect" poem, but it's got to be done in a way that makes me really feel. So here is my goal for you! Try to bring about the idea of a mistake in a way that draws your reader into the mistake itself. Don't just tell me you screwed up, because quite frankly, I don't care. Make me feel how you feel, tell me about the guilt and the fear and all that comes with making mistakes. Bring me into your pain, don't tell me about it.

I've made a mistake
even sorry can't defeat
a bouquet of flowers
a box chocolate treats,
even a guilty tear
cannot erase,
cannot undo,
cannot make it disappear.

Here you have an even more interesting idea, what you do after making a mistake to try to make up for it. But again, I am not drawn in. I am not feeling the guilt you fear, even though you mention it. I know that it's there, but I am left without feeling it too. Dig down deep for those emotions. How does this guilt effect you? Is there a physical side effect, maybe? Something other than the tear. How is your stomach? What is your reaction when you're heartfelt attempts at reconcile are rejected? Right now, you're telling me you've made a mistake and you can't take it back. I see it, but I don't feel it.

I've made a mistake
that will always
belong to me
as the rumours spread
it will be used to define me
see that girl, she's the one,
the one who made that mistake

I put the one line in bold because I quite like it. I love the idea of ones mistakes defining them in the eyes of strangers, as often times they do. If I were you, I would take this idea and expand on it. Really get into the nitty gritty of what it feels like to be judged and persecuted based on one negative decision. That alone could make a fantastic poem.

I've made a mistake,
I've made many
and I'll make more
but this one demeans
all those I made before.

My last piece of advice is to let go of the word mistake and the use of repetition of the first line. If you have noticed, I have put "mistake" in italics throughout the piece, that is because of how often you repeat the same word. I get that the repetition is intended to make the piece feel stronger, but instead I think it actually detracts from it. Let go of repeating the first line, possibly even using the word mistake throughout the entire piece, if possible. It's a rather bland word, as far as words go, and there are many better ones out there!


I think you've got some great ideas here, you've just got to let go of the idea of telling. Create me a story, something I can feel and see and smell and hear. Poetry is just as much about the senses as any story is. When words are simply being thrust at me, I hardly feel a thing. But when you bring me into your story with your words, then you can really move people.

Hope this helps,
OverEasy