Fake only has a fraction of real(period)
The part that is fake isn't easy to feel(period)
Its lies dance off of the makers (maker's) lips(period) (I would capitalize Maker and get rid of "of." It flows better that way.)
And real once was water(comma)
But now (she's) senseless drips(period) (This sounds weird.)
...
It fills (your) (life's) goodness. (This is also weird)
lele253isme wrote:Fake has only a fraction of Real.
That part of Fake isn't easy to feel.
Its lies dance off the Maker's lips.
And real once was water,
But now She's senseless drips. how about 'it', rather than she.
Fake is a common thing to contain.
Real is the only thing that separates
The lies from the truth,
The blank from full. What do you mean by this?
It feeds you lifes goodness,
In big gulping spoonfuls. This doesn't really sound good. You should take out gulping.
Yes, Fake isn't real,
And Real is not fake.
Cause when reality's truth is known,
Human kind is at stake. I think you should explain why.
This poem cam from a spark of inspiration about how we all can act fake now and then, but the reality shows in the little things you do.
Fake only has a fraction of Real
That part of Fake isn't easy to feel
Its lies dance off the Maker's lips
And real once was water The first two lines rhymed, so I feel like the next two should too, or I don't know, but I just don't think the water is connected to any of the other lines - only in rhyming, in meaning it's perfect (Does that make sense?)
But now She's senseless drips
Fake is a common thing to contain
Real is the only thing that separates
The Lies from the truth
The blank from full
It feeds you lifes goodness
In big gulping spoonfuls Again, there is something with this line that throws me a bit off course. I completely love the four lines above this one, and then when I read this I had to stop and read it again - it kinda' breaks the rhythm.
Yes, Fake isn't real
And Real is not fake
Cause when reality's truth is known
Human kind is at stake