One

I wrote this after the Tsunami in Japan, may all the deceased rest in peace and let's help those who need us now.


A shaking brings us to our knees,
Cries escaping from our mouths,
Asking where our God above is
During this painful, deathly hour.

A wall of water,
Crashing down,
Taking us
Into its prison.

Tears fall down the faces
Of family and friends
And of complete strangers
On the other side of the world.

An aching runs through the hearts
All around the world,
Binding us together
As one.

Your grammar and spelling are fine and consistent.
I was confused though by the sudden shift in the tone and content of the poem. In the first half it is describing the tidal wave and then all of a sudden it is describing how the world reacts. I think these need to be better harmonized.
I also didn't like when you mentioned the world twice in regards to the distance between people.

Otherwise this was a pretty good poem but your forward confused the tone for me. Either way nice subject, I might write about it too.

Hi there


Wow this is really lovely. When the disasters in Japan happened it was very hard to put them into words, let alone good, well-structured poetry. But you manage to do this here. I could feel the emotion on every line and it flows perfectly. The rhythm and beat is very strong and solid.

So I don't really have anything to fix up here.

Forestqueen808 wrote:A shaking brings us to our knees, This is my kind of line! Awesome.
Cries escaping from our mouths,
Asking where our God above is
During this painful, deathly hour.

A wall of water,
Crashing down,
Taking us
Into its prison. I've seen this line many times, but it still rings.

Tears fall down the faces
Of family and friends
And of complete strangers
On the other side of the world.

An aching runs through the hearts
All around the world, The repetition of "world" annoys me a a bit.
Binding us together
As one.

I love the heart behind this poem. I love the Japanese people, which makes the disaster hurt even more. God Bless.

The begining was fantastic with the description and rhyme flowing together nicely with a very good choice of vocabulary. But in the end, I got a bit confused the way the pace suddenly changes in each verse. It's always good to keep a smooth flow through a poem