You...Whoever You Are

Spoiler

I would love to have input on this poem. If you take the time to read it, please take the time to say something. Even if you simply hate it, tell me. Thanks

You are so little, and now I am now responsible for you.
You have caused me a mix of emotions and questions.
Most of my questions are about you, but a few are about me.
I often find myself wondering about my character,
How did I let this happen?
When did this happen?
What are other people going to think?
Where are we going to be in ten years?
Who is going to get me through this?
Why am I even asking these questions?

These were the initial questions I asked myself when I was scared.
I will not let others tare me down, because this is something to be proud of.
But now I am beginning to embrace this and wonder about you,
Who are you?
How are going to change my life?
When do I get to meet you?
What am I going to do with you?
Why do I want to keep you?
Where are we going to live?

Being with you so far has allowed me to know the answers to a few questions,
You like it when mommy sings to you.
You like riding in the car.
You like when daddy reads to you.
You don’t like loud noises.
You don’t like causing hurt.
You don’t like knowing I am upset.

I feel like I know so much about you, and yet you are still a mystery to me.
I have begun a count-down on the calendar, until the day I get to meet you.
So I can either keep you all to myself, or give you away…

Hey,
I don't know much about poetry, so I can't give you any advice on format or rythm or anything of that nature. However, I had some questions about your content.

I will not let others tare me down, because this is something to be proud of.
But now I am beginning to embrace this and wonder about you
I don't know if this will mess up something in the poem itself, but when you're reading it, it seems like the two lines need to be reversed even with the questions that follow. Since the first line is bascially saying "I'm embracing the baby" without saying it, having the second line is kind of pointless to me.

You like it when mommy sings to you.
You like riding in the car.
You like when daddy reads to you.
You don’t like loud noises.
You don’t like causing hurt.
You don’t like knowing I am upset.
I feel like I know so much about you, and yet you are still a mystery to me.
If the girl is pregnant with this child, how does she know all this?

I have begun a count-down on the calendar, until the day I get to meet you.So I can either keep you all to myself, or give you away…
I really liked this last line.

I don't really know if this helps. Normally I stay out of poetry, but I figure someone else can give you advice on the technicalities. I like all the questions you have in this poem. I feel it reflects the thoughts of a woman going through an unexpected pregnancy.
Keep writing,
Megsug

Well, I thought it was ok...
Maybe I'm just a little slow or something but I didn't really get it all that well.
But it still was good.
Sorry this wasn't much help :/

Hey Jessa. Here as requested.

I found this poem to be a good framework. You have an idea about what you want to say, but it's not exactly poetic. Here are some ideas for making it more poetic:

1- Use some poetic devices. Things like imagery, rhyme, metaphor, simile can add richness to a poem and make the message less obvious. Experiment to find out what sort of images you like using and your style.

2- Don't make every line its own idea. Poetry can read very nicely when one idea flows from one line to the next, and it creates a more interesting poem because of how emphasis is placed on the first word of a line. Some of the best poetry I've read shows one very long sentence that flows from one line to the next.

3- Make the poem a bit more relatable. Right now, it's pretty limited to just a mother/daughter relationship. Try seeing if you can inject more general feelings in here, and not limit yourself so much to just mother/daughter. How can you turn this into a roll of protector to ward? That's the direction I'd take, at least. Make the poem relatable for those of us without strong maternal instincts (not just men— several women, myself included, don't feel a strong pull to have children)

Hope this helps! PM me if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey

First of all I'd like to thank all of you for the comments, they are very useful! I will be working on edits for this poem (if it is even considered a poem). Anyways to answer a question...

Meg- you asked:

If the girl is pregnant with this child, how does she know all this?

My answer: trust me, you just know these things from the way they act to different situations around you. If they get angry they kick and punch, happiness usually consists if flipping around.

Once again, I appreciate everyone's input and opinions! Thanks,
-Jessa

Wow, this really looks realistic.
I really like the perspective in this piece.
Nice job!
I'm guessing this is either about teen or unexpected pregnancy.
Either way, I love it.

I have begun a count-down on the calendar, until the day I get to meet you.So I can either keep you all to myself, or give you away…

Thank you for not mentioning anything about termination. Love it.
Nice poem.

Keep writing!
----------------
-Jojo

JoJo,
Termination is what inspired this poem. We were talking about it in my religion class on friday and it made me very angry. I figured it would be a good topic for a poem (and a good way to relieve some stress). You also guess it correctly, it is about an unexpected teen pregnancy. I am glad you liked it!

-Jessa

Just my 2 cents..

megsug - Believe me, (I don't know if you're Male or Female) but if you're ever pregnant one of these days - trust me - you know your kid before it's born!!!! I have a little 9 month old girl and she kicked me to death! She still kicks me and she's learning to crawl. There's no other feeling in the world like being a mother!

Ok, that's not really acritique but here's my 2 cents, or 3 cents on the poem. I love the poem and I think the rhyming scheme was done very well. I couldn't stop reading once I started. I have read some of your work already so maybe that was part of it but I love your poetry. Have you ever considered publishing a collection of poetry in a book? Great job. Looking forward to you posting some more works!

I really enjoyed reading this poem, mainly because abortion was nowhere mentioned in this, and in my debate class, abortion has been brought up in bills for Student Congress, and other things. So, thumbs up for not bringing that in!
Just one thing:

I will not let others tare me down

Tare is supposed to be tear.
Great job! Keep it up!!

I really liked the end of this poem, describing how the mother already knows things about her child. However, I thought the beginning was weak. Like Rosey said, it needs more imagery. Also, someone told me in a critique of my own work that a series of questions in a poem is generally a bad idea. I agree with them here. Try to find some better imagery to show the mother's confusion.

Overall, I liked your poem, especially the ending. However, I think the beginning could use some work with less questions and more imagery. Keep writing!