Little ol' me? Birthday girl? Pssh...

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To the writers out there who actually care about the topic I put my stories in: In my last story, "A Boundless Friendship", people kept bugging me about how it was in the wrong subject. Why does it matter? If the topic of this story isn't Dramatic Poetry, then so be it. Haha sorry for that negative little comment, I just had to get that out there. :smt003

I woke up early in the morning, more than an hour earlier before I had to drag myself to school for the day. My mom persistently returned to my bedside, nagging me awake each time. I finally gave in. Sluggishly walking to the kitchen, I sat myself down. There, on the table, was my Carvel ice cream cake.

My family has this birthday tradition where we set the cake on the kitchen table first thing in the morning, light the candles, dim the lights, and sing "Happy Birthday" to the person whose birthday it is. Today, it was my turn.
The cake had white frosting, multi-colored icing bordering the circumference of the cake. In edible red lettering were the words: "Happy Birthday" engraved in fancy, looping letters. I made my wish, then puffed up my cheeks, extinguishing the dancing flames. Miniature smoke clouds flew away from the waxy candles. The lights were turned back on, and I dug into my cake, my taste buds swimming in the sweetness that is birthday cake.
School was the same as usual. The only thing out of the ordinary that happened to me was the constant "Happy birthday!" from my peers. It felt nice, to be in the spotlight for once. On any other day, I would've avoided the spotlight at all costs. Middle school does that to you, it makes you self-conscious and desperate to stay under the radar. At least, that's what it did to me.
"Happy birthday!" I practically had those two words streaming out of my ears. That had been all I'd been hearing today. But I didn't expect her to wish me a happy birthday. It was Kristina, my old friend who had ditched my group of friends for another, being spun around by her friend Chloe. She shouted a "happy birthday" at me before averting her attention back to her friends. Somehow I managed to reply: "Thanks." I was definitely taken off guard, I mean, I'd always thought she no longer had any interest in me as a friend. Which was true. Well, in her defense, at least she had the decency to do what she did. I secretly wanted to be her friend again. Partly because of her higher social status in school and partly because I just missed her. It was too late to patch up the tear though, a measly "happy birthday" was all I would be hearing from Kristina. It was the cold, hard truth.
"Jen!" A vaguely familiar voice called, halfway down the hallway. I whipped my head around. I suspected it was Jacob. Jacob was one of the most popular boys in my grade, and just about every girl in my grade liked him at one point. I always had an instinctive feeling he'd found out my crush on him, but I couldn't be sure. It's not like I could just go up and ask if he knew. So I was always on the edge near Jacob around school, tense from fighting my conflicted emotions. He was chatting away with his other popular friends, making no eye contact with me whatsoever. As if I were invisible. To him, I may as well have been. Or at least that's what I assumed until the end of the day.

Once again, we crossed paths in one of the school hallways. Kids were bustling around us, socializing or heading somewhere in or out the school. I didn't even notice Jacob...until he called to my attention again. "Hey, Jen. Have a good weekend." I couldn't afford to look into those green eyes of his. If I did, all my willpower I'd built up in the past would be washed away. I simply nodded my head. He walked off, and I was left to wonder what his intentions were. Or more specifically, if he even had any. There were a couple things I had to think about, that much I knew.
With age comes new feelings, aspects, and sensations. If only I could figure out how to sort them out.
Last edited by deelish on Mon May 02, 2011 9:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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I love this, mostly because my birthday is coming up. But, I really like it, it deals with the real emotions. but, I have not been in school since I was younger. So I don't know about that part but the rest is totally good.




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Thanks. And yeah, more than half of the story takes place in the school. But I'm glad you liked it. I didn't exactly write it to relate to anybody, I kinda just re-capped today's events.




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I really liked this story. I know that this wasn't your point, but I found it very easy to relate to. I share a lot of the same thoughts and issues as the main character (or you if it's a true story). The only thing that really bothered me was the different font colours. It's fine if you want to type in different colours, it makes the story more visually appealing, but some of the colours were hard to read. The light blue and pink at the bottom weren't the easiest to read. I think it would be benificial to change them to darker shades.
I also have a few grammatical suggestions:

"Happy birthday!"
You just forgot the first quotation.

I always had an instinctive feeling he'd found about out my crush on him
I think it would sound better if you added "about" or another similar word in there.

He was chatting away with his other popular friends, making no eye contact with me whatsoever , as if I were invisible.
I think you should combine those two sentences together.

If I did, all the willpower I'd built up in the past would be washed away
This one isn't a huge deal, I just personally think it sounds better.

These are all just suggestions, so you use them if you like. Overall, I really enjoyed you story! I think you are a talented writer and you have a good vocabulary.
I'd like to think I'm creative... instead of just plain weird ;D




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It is a true story, to answer your indirect question. It's an account of my 13th b-day. I hope you enjoy the gift I sent you for reviewing my work. Well, have a writing-filled day! :D



You are not the voice in your mind, but the one who is aware of it.
— Eckhart Tolle