Teddy Bear

I had a little teddy bear,
Cuddly, fluffy and white,
She'd keep away the monsters,
That came out in the night.
Her name was Mrs.Teddy,
And she wore a pretty dress,
But I don't know where that is now,
My room is such a mess.
It's been a while since I bought her,
With Mommy from the mall,
But she's still lying on my bed,
In the room down the hall.
One day Mommy decided,
To do something bold,
She held Teddy up in the air,
Claiming she was old.
She said her fur was falling,
And that she looked pretty bad,
She told me "it" was a filthy thing,
Which made me pretty mad.
So I put my hands on my hips,
And said 'Well, you know...
I'll get rid of my teddy bear,
If you get rid of Grandpa Joe.'

Hello!

Hahaha, I liked this poem! A very funny ending that I didn't expect at all really It made me smile and that's an achievement right there! Keep writing!

Thien

Ack, I love this poem in so many ways. The rhythm is lovely, the content is so funny, and the punch line is just hilarious! Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. I'm totally "liking" this on YWS.

Now! Just a couple of tweaks you can try out. With this line:

She told me it was a filthy thing,

I would write it as this:

She told me "it" was a filthy thing,

That way, your outrage can be a little more prominent.

I'm also kind of want to see this separated into stanzas. But I'm not sure yet, lol. See if that makes it look better to you.

Nice poem!

I had a little teddy bear,Cuddly, fluffy and white,She'd keep away the monsters,That came out in the night.Her name was Mrs.Teddy,And she wore a pretty dress,But I don't know where that is now,My room is such a mess.It's been a while since I bought her,With Mommy from the mall,But she's still lying on my bed,In the room down the hall.One day Mommy decided,To do something bold,She held Teddy up in the air,Claiming she was old.She said her fur was falling,And that she looked pretty bad,She told me "it" was a filthy thing,Which made me pretty mad.So I put my hands on my hips,And said 'Well, you know...I'll get rid of my teddy bear,If you get rid of Grandpa Joe.'

Brilliant! Catchy and bold! Im not one for ryhming poems, but I must award this a star just for its humor! Keep writing fellow comrade:)

-Eilin

I loved this poem! It made me imagine a spunky girl with a lot of attitude. I enjoyed it a lot! There were a few places where i thought the count/rhythm could be smoothed out but the poem overall works very well with its self and I enjoyed it very very much. Great job and keep writing! If you have anything unreviewed that you would like someone to take a look at PM me and Ill get right on it.

Hey Ritaki,

Hehehe. I loved this poem, it's really good. The ending is funny. Keep writing!