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Though I understand what you are saying, your poem doesn't really make an impact on my feelings, I think it is the, I'm being blunt, elementary rhyme scheme that sorda makes it seem boring. This can be great, just work it over, and if you are not pissed enough to really fulfill this poem, then I'll gladly take the title and the idea off your hands, but in the meantime, here is what I would do-----and one more thing, setting yourself apart seems to have the effect of making you look like you are preaching or something, I don't know if that is what you mean, but you seem to be saying that "they" suck and should be more like you...you should fix your scheme at the very least...it makes for some awkward clauses, like at the very beginning, the first line is completely awkward (deep down is inside, and "they have not a heart" is wierd, and "pierce at me" is also awkward, "they have not NONE?")

and definetely kill the short, rhyming couplets, they are boring --
"because they lie and decieve, and make us believe, they are very naive" it just doesn't work, it's like the history teacher in Ferris Bueler's Day Off, if you've seen that movie...

the good thing about this is that it seems like a first draft, and reads like a first draft, so like I said, it is promising, and it is needed, we need more social commentary on this site, as all it seems to be about are dragons and werewolves and ponies and magicians, anyway...the end is also awkward, "they are trained as the frozen generation", maybe you should start the poem with the title, and then explore what they are, what they do, and why they do it, and why it is wrong...this just seems like a big joke--"mean birdbrains". ? come on, you're better than that.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful, I'm more of a writer than a reviewer, but this has a chance to be excellent, if you really want it, but if you don't, then just let me have it, but it is yours, and in the END YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH IT.

Peace.

Oh. and it's very simple, you SHOULD GO DEEPER, this is incredibly simple language and images, and some of them are kind of hard to grasp, like " is this pure white middle black art" I don't get it, but maybe I belong to the Frozen Gen.?

Oh. and stop asking questions.

I'm sorry if this comes off a bit rough, but I'm cranky right now, it's late, I have a bunch of homework and my school sucks and I'm on a diet and I was really intrigued by this title and I was looking for something like this, kind of a "My Generation," or a "Blank Generation" or "Pretty Vacant" type thing, which are songs that attack the writer's generations or glorify them, which you are attacking, so you should listen to Pretty Vacant, telling people to get off their asses and do something...

Sorry, I do like this though, but it can be a bagillion times better.

Deep down inside they have not a heart This fell heavy when I read it aloud
Their eyes pierce at me like frozen darts Pierce at me is just grammatically incorrect. How can they pierce at you?
Tell me, when will they depart? Going from the darts with an s to depart with no s sounds odd. Keep the words rhyming!
Don't even lie Lie about what? This line is confusing.
They've sneered and scowled
And been on the prowl There could be a better choice of words here so they rhyme
For those that are less and weak How can they be less? Change your words
But tell me, when will they leave This whole sentence falls heavy
Because they lie and deceive
And make us believe Good stanzas ^.^
They are very naive It just sounds like you are adding words to make them rhyme now
They don't wear their hearts on their sleeves Did you just add this in?
They have not one
They have not none This doesn't make sense. Not none means they have some
No hurt for the pained
No guilt for the strained Good! ^.^
And they smile when it rains
Mean birdbrains Did you just add these so more words rhyme? It brings down the quality of the poem with these words in here. Why do you begin talking about rain from darker emotions like hurt and guilt?
They are trained
As the Frozen Generation Who are they? This is confusing. It sounds like you just gave them a name

I'm not trying to be mean but there just isn't feeling in this poem. There is no stanzas. Stanzas create structure and structure creates form and that is what makes poetry great. It feels like this poem is trained, like you tried to create this under pressure. Certain words don't rhyme and if they're supposed to be free verse, the words are too similiar to be right. I like this poem but there is room for a lot of revision and changing up the words; perhaps a future rewrite even with the same idea. The vocabulary is very simple and poems are all about imagery, perhaps you could incorporate description and more vivid words.

Again, I'm not trying to be mean, because I realize this is a harsh review, but you've got great potential as a writer. Take your works and learn off of them!

Deep down inside they have not a heart
Their eyes pierce at me like frozen darts ‘at me’ isn’t describing this suitably. What was it piercing exactly? Your heart, your soul, something else…
Tell me, when will they depart?
Don't even lie
They've sneered and scowled
And been on the prowl
For those that are less and weak
But tell me, when will they leave
Because they lie and deceive
And make us believe
They are very naive
They don't wear their hearts on their sleeves
They have not one
They have not none ‘not none’ is a double negative, a big no-no. Also, this line seems to echo the one above it.
No hurt for the pained
No guilt for the strained
And they smile when it rains
Mean birdbrains the insult felt a little misplaced in this poem.
They are trained
As the Frozen Generation

Alright, not bad. Though it felt like you were rhyming for the sake of rhyming. To me, your expressions should come above your rhyming scheme in this one. Don’t leave yourself restricted to the meter, let yourself write freely whenever it feels right.
I’m also a little confused to what this frozen generation was. Are you referring to the cruelty in humans, or some kind of actual monster? I’m not sure about that.
Oh, and the line with the ‘birdbrains’ in it made me almost laugh. I really don’t think that’s the mood you wanted for this poem. Unless you wanted a chuckle at that part. But still, I don’t really think it fits.
No grammar errors that I could spot. Great job!
~blacksheep

I don't know if it is just me, but I didn't really catch the rhythm, and there's something about the rhyming...
But an intentionally good poem!

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

You've already had some great reviews by other people, so there isn't much to say.

I'm not quite sure what you intend this to be meaning of. If there is any meaning. But it kind of reminds me of something that could be used is some sort of new fantasy novel. Just with this whole Frozen Generation thing. Sparks a flame in the mind, huh.

The description is okay. It's nothing I haven't seen before, but it's a start. You've potential as a poet, your rhyming and beats seem to be really well done.

Yours,
Lavvi

This touches me. Your poem truly defines most of the people at school I know. The ones that tease me anyway. I truly understand every line. Yes! it is like they are frozen! There they are, throwing insult over insult! Immune to conscience! The best two lines were 'No hurt for the pained, No guilt for the strained'. Very captivating.