Today I Am Negative

Today I Am Negative

Today I am negative
And there's nothing I'd enjoy more
Than my family not being positive
I can hear them through my door

Could you shut up with your
Smiles, joy and petty laughter?
I'm trying to be morbid
Smiles won't make me happy after!

Always with the smiles
So happy are the grins
Oh mother, if you only knew my thoughts
How negative are those things

Yes, dinner was my torture
Everday I sit
Surrounded by happy people
It could make me throw a fit

One of these days, I swear to God
I'll kill you in your sleep
No way for you to laugh or smile
Not a single tear I'd weep

I'm sorry, mother, I truly am
It was no one's fault but yours
So next time you chuckle or grin
Hide behind big, closed doors


Hehe, I hope you like it. I wrote it when I was angry at my family for being so happy and was feeling rather morbid about it all. Enjoy.

I really like this for some reason. I can't exactly point out why, maybe it's just because I can relate.

One little line sounded forced to me, though.

Smiles won't make me happy after!

After what....?

Besides that I really liked it. Keep writing!

Kay

Hehe, thanks. I reread the poem and you're write. Better change that to something that rhymes with "laughter"... Hmm, what could possibly rhyme. Here are several suggestions; I'll let my poet brain go from there

1. After
2. Shaft Her (Doesn't that mean like kill her?)
3. Chapter

Damn. That's all I got. Back to the drawing board! Thanks for the review

Rafter, drafter, be after, chase after, come after, go after, hereafter, lech after, look after, point after, quest after, sought after, take after, thereafter, actor, factor.

Most of these end with after, but they have diff meanings (some of them...) Pick a promising one?

The internet is a wonderful place.

As for the poem---oh my!

I can relate to the feeling of not wanting people to be cheerful when I'm not...but for goodness's sake!

The title made me think that you were going to talk about photography or something...buuut that's just me. ABCB is a decent rhyme scheme too. I personally like the after/laughter rhyme, but I'll admit it doesn't make much sense...Of course, there's always switching the word order up so that you have 'smiles' or even (if you can work it) 'joy' at the end, both of which are significantly easier to rhyme...

Yes, dinner was my torture
Everday I sit

Was the 'everday' on purpose?

I love the last two lines. Absolutely awesome.

Mrs.E.D.

Hehehe, yeah, thanks for the review. I'll definetly consider your rhyming words (why didn't I think of google!) I don't know what you mean by the "everyday" being there though.

I have to admit the last two lines took forever to do, they kept sounding wrong until BAM they sounded good

Strangly enough, when people are negative, their writing is more interesting. At least yours is. I wouldn't really change anything about it. It's simple but it doesn't need to get all complex. Perfectly fine as it is. Good job!
-Deelish