it was the best day of my life even though no one was speaking to me or even relising i was there i got somewhere i wanted to go for all my life i had no friends and now i have every one there was smiling at me but the next day i saw my mum was upset and my dad they were looking at the news they found i was dead and i never noticed and that was the worst day of my death
After an embarrassing conversation here, I remembered the difference between prose and poetry. But I could be wrong again! Let's see. Someone correct me if I am: Prose is anything that's not poetry...right? Poetry has to have meter and rhythm. It's very hard to see that in poetry unless its some kind of format. I don't know if you intended it or not, but this poem runs together in one paragraph and makes it very difficult to read. Before I can even look deeper, I have to sweep up what pops out at me.
1. Separate lines? Organization? Try not to make it one big paragraph. Then you can easily see your meter. Also, it's a bad thing because I can't look back at it easily to give you suggestions, and it's almost entirely distracting to whatever you want to say. Oh, helpful hint: use ENTER to make your spaces, don't rely on a center format from another program or indentions. They won't work.
2. Poetry still has punctuation. It's okay to have periods and commas...but I think they can be artfully given to create an effect I think (I don't write much poetry, so I don't really know). But any grammar rules apply including...
3. Capital 'I'. I suppose you could have done this on purpose, making 'i' feel insignificant and alone in the world, but it is trying to read.
Overall, it seemed a little angsty--your typical suicide story. But I did feel the first and last (line)--The 'best day of my life' the 'worst day of my death"--were clever.
Hmm.. interesting. It seemed a bit more like a short prose. Yeah, it's narrative, but narrative poems still have flow and rhythm. Most poems have structure too. Not only does structure make the poem look nice and tidy-looking, it makes the poem a lot easier to read. Also, try to make it clearer. It was pretty messy, so it was hard to understand the main points of what was being said, if there were any points.
There is room for improvement, but mainly just keep writing and you will get better.
Yeah, pretty much everything important's been said, because there's only one main point - make it poetry. And then it might be better for the poetry section.
Er... how was this the best day in your narrator's life?
A couple of more details would make this much better. Right now, it strikes me as an outline.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
thanks for the tips i just thought the poem out of my head when i was writing i kind of missed read the thing below the narrtive poetry (#-o what a silly thing to do)
This is a joke right?Sorry for being unpolite, but it isn't a good poem. How did it turn out to be one big sentence without a full stop?Where did the capitals go?And grammar?
Let me give you an example.
It was the best day of my life, even though no one was speaking to me or even relising I was there. I got somewhere I wanted to go for all my life. I had no friends and now I have everyone smiling at me. But the next day I saw my mum and dad broken up. They were looking at the news, they found out I was dead and I never noticed that was the worst day of my death.
It looks neater don't you think?Overall I love it!
And everytime I try to fly, I fall Without my wings, I feel so small I guess I need you, baby And everytime I see you in my dreams I see your face, you're haunting me I guess I need you, baby Everytime-Britney Spears
