You and Me

Sometimes it seems to me
That I'm not going to be
Someone like you or
Someone like me
Because, you know, I've lost myself
Somewhere between you and yourself.
It hurts so true,It's just like you:
It's so honest and so brutal,
Like you the kindest but so cruel.
Now I'm somewhere between "You and Yourself",
And I can't believe you have killed "Me and Myself"
So being afraid of love's sudden growth
I'm not able to hide the only truth:
"You" have become "Myself",
And I hope that some day,
And I'm sure on that sunny day,
"Me" will become "Yourself",
And however distant it may seem to be,
There will remain only "You and Me"

......Depressing.

Hello there Merry. Welcome to YWS.
I am here for the review of your poem. I hope that it will help you to improve.

Sometimes it seems to me
That I'm not going to be
Someone like you or
Someone like me This is a bit confusing. Couldn't quite get it.
Because, you know, I've lost myself
Somewhere between you and yourself. you and yourself are more or less the same thing and it sounds odd. And i think that you just added yourself to rhyme it with myself. Do not force your rhymes.
It hurts so true,It's just like you:
It's so honest and so brutal, honest and brutal do not relate in any way.
Like you the kindest but so cruel. brutal and cruel do not rhyme
Now I'm somewhere between "You and Yourself", Try to avoid repetitions.
And I can't believe you have killed "Me and Myself" Same thing here.
So being afraid of love's sudden growth
I'm not able to hide the only truth: I'm unable to hide the only truth
"You" have become "Myself",
And I hope that some day, someday is one word.
And I'm sure on that sunny day, The above line and this line mean the same thing so its useless.
"Me" will become "Yourself",
And how distant it may seem to be, however distant
There will remain only "You and Me"!!!

It was a good piece of poetry and i hope to see more of your works. And you need not capitalize every first word of a line and do not capitalize the first word after a comma. Keep writing.

Thank you for your really helpful comment, I just want to say that by "yourself" I mean that he's a bit selfish, please tell me whenever you see something is wrong with my poems, thank you so much!!!

Your poem had great flow. It was great. I disagree with ehte92, the cruel and brutal do work. I think the repetition was done rather well.

And I'm sure on that sunny day, I say Keep it!
It's up to you what you want to change, and both me and ehte(ehte and I ) aren't completely normal!

Oh, and just edit your post with changes, you don't have to repost it. Personally, I like to say that it has been updated when it has, just so people know. And, Welcome to YWS. Great first Impression! Keep writing.

--Skis

Thank you ShadowKnight155 for your really positive opinion, you know I haven't changed my poem, and I don't think that I'll do it, cause when I wrote it I was really in that state, it's just so true that I can't change it!!!!! Thank you for your supporting comment!!!!

finally I do change a word, sorry for lying ShadowKnight155

Oh I really like this poem. What is the inspiration for it? It is really poetic and nice and it has a nice rhythm sort of like song lyrics. I think that this could be a song with the right person signing it, hint hint me. I am not good at harsh reviews keep writing.

Thanks lele253isme for your good words, when I wrote it I thought about a song too!!! If you think so too, then I'll really think about it!!! The inspiration was an event that happened on that day!!!

Hey Merryday, here as requested! I just want to say that I don't really review poetry that much, and I don't know that much about writing it, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Your poem had a pretty nice flow; there were a couple of spots where it felt a little too short or too long, but I don't think it matters much in the grand scheme of things. To be honest, I got confused when you started going on about You, Yourself, Me, and Myself so much. The way I interpret the piece, I'm thinking you're talking about a guy who's broken the MC's heart and she's hoping that, in the end, it'll all work out between them? That was my take on it anyway.

Like you the kindest but so cruel.

Do you mean "you're"?

And as a side note, multiple exclamation points (or question marks, for that matter) like the ones at the end of the poem aren't generally used in any kind of writing.

Well, that's really all I have to say. I liked how short and sweet this was, with a hopeful tone to the end. Keep up the good work! Cheers! (:

Thanks alot your remarks were really helpfull thank you for review