Nightmare

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I have the strangest dreams, or in this case nightmares, sometimes. I hope you like it but I have to warn you it is kind of scary. Well at least for me. Comment please. I love constructive critizism, so feel free to be mean.

thanks,
Miranda

There were crabs on the table eating away the blue linen and table scraps. They were dinner for someone. Someone in the future and just like me they didn’t know their fate. They scurried across her plate and up her dress making her itch all over. She started coughing. He just looked on like nothing was happening. Then she was choking, sneezing. Her little body curling up in her chair. Her brown hair that was so neatly up now swaying around her shoulders. More coughing, more sneezing, she smiled directly at me. That evil smile. Her head turned around in a circle and when I looked down trying to get away from her, her head was on my plate. She knew she was in my head again taking over my senses, sending me into paranoia. I closed my eyes trying to make myself forget everything but her image stayed in my brain. Implanted forever. There was no going back she would torture me until I die. I opened my eyes and everything was normal. He looked at me and asked if I was alright, that I looked sick. He didn’t realize that his daughter was far from alright. She was sending me into turmoil. I wanted so bad to flee but I knew I couldn’t this was the only home I had.
Then a week later…
I was walking to my courters. She stood there in my doorway. Her white night gown looked ghostly and her night cap framed her dark face. The only light was a candle she held at her side pointing down. I knew she could smell fear but what had I ever done to her. She must know something. I thought silently.
“I was there that night my mother died. I saw what you did to her. All you wanted was my father’s money. You don’t love him. You took my mother away from me.” She didn’t shed a tear but blood started coming out from her mouth. Staining her night gown with dark red streaks. “Don’t worry I won’t kill you. I will just make you suffer. I will torture you the way I have been tortured ever since I saw my mother die because of you. You will wish you were dead and after awhile it will feel like you are in purgatory. You can’t run. You can’t fight it.” She gave a demonic laugh and then crabs started scratching across the walls, across the floor and the ceiling. I clutched to myself. I could hear her laughter all night.
I didn’t sleep all night.
The next day was our wedding.
He put on my pearls as I fixed my wedding dress. I hadn’t seen her all morning. She had to be plotting a surprise attack. Somewhere in the huge house she was waiting, waiting for the right moment when she would sink into my brain and makes me mad. I shivered. I could no longer walk around the house without jumping at every creak, at every scuffle or door opening and closing. She was always there.
“I think I’m making her sick again” I said to him. “She has been acting odd.”
“Oh hush, the only odd thing is that this morning when I went to fetch her. She was no where to be found. Quite odd don’t you think? But oh well I’m sure we will find her. Now let’s keep getting ready. I’m very exited.” He cleared his throught and then looked at me. “Are you alright?”
No I was not alright there hanging behind his head was her cold as marble. With the words this is just the beginning hanging on a sign around her neck. I pointed a shaking finger, but when he turned around he saw nothing. It disappeared.
“Now now I think you should probably sit down. You look frightfully ill. Someone get the doctor.” He shouted, but there was no one to fetch the doctor. We were all alone with a possessed little girl running around. She would be the death of me. I jumped when I heard her voice.
“Hello is everything alright?” Her sweet little voice was almost convincing but I knew so much better. “How about you go tend to the guests and I will tend to her.” She smiled and he grumbled something and left. I wanted to scream, but there was nothing I could do. I was all alone with the devil.


<3 <3




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EDIT, EDIT, EDIT-the spelling, punctuation, EVERYTHING. Your writing flows well, don't lose that, or I will have to do to you whatever is being done to the chick in this story.

Now that that is out of the way, SCARY.

Though I didn't really catch what was going on, I felt it, I still felt pretty creaped, and I liked the end, with the devil and everything.

Promising, just mop up the errors, and revise a bit, maybe expand or limit, and this will be excellent-I look forward to reading the rest of your stuff.
"This is our decision,
to live fast and die young...
Yeah it's overwhelming,
but what else can we do?
Get jobs in offices and
wake up for the morning commute?

The models will have children,
we'll get a divorce,
find some more models;
everything must run its course!

Fated to Pretend




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Gender Male
Points 17895
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Because this is more of a retelling of events that have happened to you in your dreams, I can't really give it the 'Plot, Setting, Character, Grammar and Punctuation review. For that, I'm just going to give you my overall.

Overall:

As the person before me said, you have reoccuring grammatical and punctuation errors. Of course, this could just be from retelling a dream which, in all truth, isn't always such a bad thing. If this were a blog, for example, I wouldn't think twice about it. Because you chose to write this as a piece of fiction, though, I had to note upon your grammatical uses. If you'd like, I could fine-comb this for you if you wish to treat it as a piece of fiction. If not, I'll gladly just finish off my opinions here.

That being said, I can definitly relate when it comes to strange dreams. Hence my name ;D. My first novel was based off of a really strange dream of mine so I always loved the idea of dreams. Writing them down is the hard part so I congratulate you on succeeding in that account.

That and this dream was chilling. Very nightmareish, if you ask me. Even still, I enjoyed reading this short bit, though it could have been classified as another catagorey such as anthology or even non-fiction as you have experienced this in your head whilst sleeping.

Other than that, I found this interesting and your vocabulary simple and refreshing. That being said, keep writing and I hope to see more from you in the future! (of course, perferably stuff that I can actually give you a proper review of yours xD).

Tata!
~The.Dreamwalker
Suppose for a moment that the heart has two heads, that the heart has been chained and dunked in a glass booth filled with river water. The heart is monologuing about hesitation and fulfillment while behind the red brocade the heart is drowning. - R.S



I know history. There are many names in history, but none of them are ours.
— Richard Siken