Nightmares

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Gender Female
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This is my first go at poetry, so I may be a little rusty. Thank you for your reviews and be sure to read and review my novels. Enjoy.


I get nightmares, whenever I fall asleep
About three men walking down a street
They’re always looking for a place to stay
But it doesn’t always end this way

The three men ask the people in the street
To find a place to sleep the night
But you have no idea, they’ll give a big fright
They usually find a place
And their acting skills are very ace

Once they make their selves at home
They get themselves at the ready
And kills the person
Their skills are so... quick, so stunning
They carry knives, great, sharp kitchen knives

Once they make sure the person is settled
They get behind them
And slit their neck
You're probably wondering, how have they got away with such cruelty?
Their sneaky
Their sly
Their evil

The murderers hide the bloody bodies
In closets
Underneath the floorboards
Anywhere
It's a total nightmare

Awful, isn’t it?
My mother tells me it’s my brother
Giving me a great big smother
I wish

I can never tell who these men are
It scares me to think
So it’s why I leave my door ajar

It’s messing with my head
I can never get comfortable in my own bed
So I wake in the night
And climb into my brother’s bed
And hope in the morning, all my nightmares have gone
Last edited by bugbug368 on Wed Mar 30, 2011 5:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Nobody is more obsessed with Jedward than I am...
- bugbug368




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Gender Female
Points 1040
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its verry good, deep, but needs a longer story , make it gory maybe, or explane how they kill.




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Gender Female
Points 1114
Reviews 12
it's goodbut it just needs something....more. i feel like theres something missing from the overall explaination of the three men. develop it a bit more, and it will be very good
écrire pour vivre - french
schrijf om te leven - dutch
scrivere per vivere - italian
生活への書き込み - japanese
write to live - english




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Points 1040
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this work is okay. my only question is why you throw in the word citizen without any other words to relate to it. I understand what you're saying, but the word citizen just sticks out. Not bad for a poem.




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Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 21
I really liked it, it's not too long, but it tells the complete story.
Well done.

There were some grammar mistakes though..
Your probably wondering, how have they got away with such cruelty?
Their sneaky
Their sly
Their evil

It's you're or you are if it fits better in the sentence.
And I think you mean they're and not their.

Still, very well done, and keep up the good work!
Living on the edge of sanity




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Gender Female
Points 14289
Reviews 232
Okay, I really liked the story behind this poem.
It's... deep and bold.
It's about the darker stuff. And you captured the feeling quite brilliantly.

But I did notice a few errors. One of them alliepallie has mentioned.

bugbug368 wrote:About three men, (I don't think the comma needs to be here) walking down a street


Another one:

bugbug368 wrote:The murderers' hide the bloody bodies Why the apostrophe after murderers?


But good job overall.
Keep it up! :)



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