Tesseract - Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

…But to my greatest surprise (and shock) it wasn’t Jason at all..!

“Who are you!” I yelled, “A friend of Jason?” The guy tilted his head. “Jason? I don’t know a person called Jason. You must’ve fallen hard on your head, hunny.” I frowned when he elegantly walked down the stairs. He was - how was it even possible - even more handsome than Jason.
“Come sweetheart..” he whispered in my ear when he grabbed my arm. I quickly pulled my arm away from him. “Don’t touch me! And don’t mess with me either! This house belongs to me!” And Jason, I thought, but I did not say it out loud, “Get out! I have not given you permission to enter!” He let go of my arm, looking hurt. “Who.. is Jason?” He asked. A looked away. “The question is..” I answered, “..who you are!” And I pointed at him. He blinked. “D-don’t you recognize me anymore? Have you lost your memories of me?” Then he bowed to me. “Nice.. Nice to meet you then. My name is Aedan Parker.” His eyes looked so sad at me, I felt horrible, as if I had done something wrong. “I don’t know you.. But I’m Melissa Parker. I’m probably not who you think I am.” His eyes opened wildly. “Melissa Parker you say!?” His eyes seemed to become red in fury. Then he shook his head, as if to clear it. “It must have been a hard fall. Your real name is Mariah Parker-Starlight.” He said, then he added softly, “You’re my wife..” I looked away from him. “I don’t know who you are, and what you’re doing in this house, but I want you to leave immediately!” He looked hurt, again. “No, I’m not.” He said, firmly, “You’re gonna rest, until you’ve healed from this horrible disease. When the rain stops I will call the doctor again. She said you were cured from this disease.. But now..” His eyes became full of tears, but he blinked them away. “Come Mariah.” He whispered, and he picked me up effortlessly.

He walked up the stairs, and after I tried -and failed- to get away from him, I lay still, listening to his heartbeat, and smelling his scent, what somehow smelled familiar. My head felt heavy. He seemed so sure I was Mariah. Maybe I was suffering from some sort of disease.. I closed my eyes when he put me in the soft bed. He gently tucked me in, and I felt myself drifting away. There were no dreams, and when I woke up, I felt like I missed something. Someone came in, and to my greatest surprise it was Jason. Did I dream again? This house was mysterious after all. It did things with your mind, playing with it, ‘till you broke down. “Jason!” I said, and sat up, “You’ll never know how happy I am to see you! You know, I dreamt so weir~..” I stopped. Another guy came in. It was Aedan. My eyes grew wide. “What!? Did you play a prank on me?” But Jason did not laugh. In fact he looked rather pitiful at me. Aedan shook his head, and said, “See? She forgot everything again!” And then to me, “Be calm, Mariah. This is your brother; Daniël Starlight.” I looked at him, my face full of unbelief. “Stop it!” I yelled, “Stop it! I don’t like it anymore!” I was in panic. What happened to me? I thought I saw a hint of a smile on Jason’s face, but I wasn’t sure if it was just my imagination. Aedan and Jason looked at me, both with sad eyes. Yes, I will call him Jason for the time being, until I’m sure it’s really Daniël, and something is wrong with me. That is, until proven. “It’s really bad this time. She doesn’t even remember her own name!”

An old woman came rushing in. “Oh dear, oh dear…” She mumbled, and rushed towards the bed. I think this would be the doctor, but she looked kind of like a witch to me. She came sitting on the bed. “Hello Mariah. Do you recognize me? I’m the doctor. Leia Spring.” My eyes grew big in disbelief. “B-but.. Leia Spring was the young lawyer!” I whispered.

Hi Aliepalie,

Again a great chapter! It really captivates! I wan't to know how it continues.

A looked away. Not quite sure what to make of this sentence. It's a bit awkward.
His eyes looked so sad at me, I felt horrible, as if I had done something wrong. These are 2 sentences!
His eyes looked so sad at me. I felt horrible as if I had done something wrong.
Or you must write something like:
His eyes looked so sad at me, that he made me feel horrible as if I had done something wrong.
'Gonna' is informal language used in conversation. Better not to write, I think. Write: going to.
He walked up the stairs, and after I tried -and failed- to get away from him, I lay still, listening to his heartbeat,
- and failed – is redundant. You say you tried and that means by itself you didn’t succeed.
Perhaps for the readers imagination it is good to add something like: He walked me up the stairs.
Or
He walked up the stairs holding me in his strong arms
It did things with your mind, playing with it, ‘till you broke down.
This sentence is written in the past. So it seems she's telling the story afterwards (past tense). That’s not how you write the story so the sentence must change to something like this. The house was doing something with my mind as if it was trying to break me.

weir~..” All the punctuations make it hard for me to read, it is a bit too much in my opinion.
until I’m sure it’s really Daniël. Don’t use 'it' for persons. -> until I’m sure he’s really Daniel. It is for things or animals

Love the twist, I was not expecting this! this was quite unexpected and this defiantly a god thing, i like how you have inc operated all the characters. But beware of Mary sues , people in this seem a little to beautiful for my liking.

His eyes seemed to become red in fury.

This line was very interesting.
I have also reviews chapter 5, the review is a little more in depth.

Yet again you've made me wonder. Great chapter, it's sooooo interesting. Besides the SpaG errors we all have sometimes, terrific chapter. Keep up the good work <3

A bit confused again, but just sort of rolling with it at this point to see if anything gets explained next chapter.

The reactions here were a bit better than in the other chapters. Melissa doesn't want this strange guy touching her and she is confused as to what is going on. But before that, she seemed rather unsurprised and unthreatened by the stranger in this creepy house, and she warms up to him really quickly. I would have thought there would need to be a bit more time to at least get to a civil conversation what with this guy claiming you are somebody else, that you are sick, that there's stuff going on.

Okay, now Jason is feeling a bit more threatening, what with how he's not appearing to know who she is, or is hiding it or whatever is going on there. It doesn't really justify what went on before it though. If anything, her beginning to warm up to him earlier, only to have him suddenly be this apparently different person would be a bit more effective. Shattering the trust just as it might have begun to be started and all that.

The twists here feel a bit more shocking, but I don't really see how they tie into anything else before it. What of the torture chamber? I'm still hung up on that because that is a huge thing! I mean, they still aren't concerned about it? This strange guy came and basically kidnapped her by picking her up. How does she know he's not some freak who's going to try to kill her or something with all the scary things in the basement? Maybe this is a serial killer's hideout and that's why there are all the stories about it? Stuff like this should be going through her head and it's not. Instead, she's noticing how handsome this stranger is.

I know I'm harping on this stuff. Feel free to PM if you have any questions.

~GryphonFledgling

I was mesmerized by this chapter. I just wanted to find out more. You should add to this chapter because it seemed kinda short. Other than that, it was a great chapter. ( I made this review kind of short so that I could go read more.)

-Titan