caffeine nights

while others sleep caffeine takes hold,
the cars with their lights and their noise pass
by as if real, or close,
a thrill as i feel a force other than my thoughts near, so close
to my solitary room,
then gone,
in an instant the darkness has returned to it's stagnant form,
my room does not shake nor quiver as a truck goes,
but instead holds in suspense,
waiting... waiting for the moment a pin drop breaks the unbearable quiet.
but no pin drops, and no truck passes. i pray for the intrusion, but no.
i can feel the thoughts return, flooding back,
and i know now alone, in the dead of night where i lay the ideas will mutate,
and how lethal such a combination can be.
all i can do is close my lids and hope the sleep comes, but how it never comes to me.

This is very good, it reminds me of the hustle and bustle of a New York City street, but I don't know why. The only thing that I would recommend is to work on your punctuation and sentence structure to help the poem flow better.

#FF0000 ">While others sleep caffeine takes hold#FF0000 ">;
#FF0000 ">The cars with their lights and their noise pass
by as if real, or close#FF0000 ">.
#FF0000 ">A thrill as #FF0000 ">I feel a force other than my thoughts near, so close
to my solitary room,
then gone,
in an instant the darkness has returned to it's stagnant form#FF0000 ">.
#FF0000 ">My room does not shake nor quiver as a truck goes,
but instead holds in suspense,
waiting... waiting for the moment a pin drop breaks the unbearable quiet.
#FF0000 ">But no pin drops, and no truck passes. #FF0000 ">I pray for the intrusion, but no.
#FF0000 ">I can feel the thoughts return, flooding back,
and #FF0000 ">I know now alone, in the dead of night where #FF0000 ">I lay the ideas will mutate,
and how lethal such a combination can be.
#FF0000 ">All i can do is close my lids and hope the sleep comes, but how it never comes to me.

Firstly, I'd like to say that, as opposed to the last reviewer's corrections, it's perfectly fine to not capitalize anything. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

while others sleep caffeine takes hold, #FF0000 ">"Others..." what does that mean?
the cars with their lights and their noise pass #FF0000 ">I'd switch up the line break so that this ends with "noise" and "pass" is part of the next line.
by as if real, or close,
a thrill as i feel a force other than my thoughts near, so close #FF0000 ">Whoa. This is too long, and it doesn't make any sense at all. I really don't know what you're trying to say.
to my solitary room,
then gone,
in an instant the darkness has returned to it's stagnant form, #FF0000 ">"It's" should be "its." This is a bit long, as well.
my room does not shake nor quiver as a truck goes, #FF0000 ">"Goes?" Sounds unfinished. Goes by? Goes "boom?" But seriously, this sounds weird.
but instead holds in suspense,
waiting... waiting for the moment a pin drop breaks the unbearable quiet. #FF0000 ">Get rid of the second "waiting."
but no pin drops, and no truck passes. i pray for the intrusion, but no. #FF0000 ">Way too many "but"'s.
i can feel the thoughts return, flooding back,
and i know now alone, in the dead of night where i lay the ideas will mutate, #FF0000 ">"I know now alone?" What is that supposed to mean?
and how lethal such a combination can be.
all i can do is close my lids and hope the sleep comes, but how it never comes to me. #FF0000 ">Get rid of "it" and the second "comes."

This was great! You have a knack for poetry. I hope to see more of you.

-Kafka

Hi there

Really really good. I love the title for starters; the phrase "caffeine nights" is really lovely.

Your flow is really good. I think it can feel a bit awkward in parts but I like that. It is very much a first person poem; you can really get inside his or hers head.
There are however a few things you could work on.

Firstly, I think punctuation would help this. In cases lack of punctuation can help pieces, but in this It can just feel rambly. I recommend to take out all the commas and turn them to sentences to make it puncher. I would also recommend spacing it out a bit as well. And please remember your capital letters.

Secondly, although it is very insightful it lacks a lot of imagery. The surroundings are not very well described. I think if you add more detail it could really credit this poem.

In conclusion this has it flaws and faults but has the potential to be amazing.