On Frail Wings of Vanity and Wax

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I felt myself stranded from the inside
In the middle of nowhere, by which I can't decide
Afraid of being alone, I hide behind that shadow
Time after time it passes, courage begins the show

In the pursuit of physical perfection
I need the warmth of your touch, and a little attention
Sounds of voices are whispering into my mind
Guess that love can wait, other things are still to find

Everyday i wake up, smiles are all I sought
Nights that are shortened, pondered dreams are bought
The yearning will come, never say goodbye
For someday we'll see each other, together we'll fly

On frail wings of vanity and wax
At first it attracts, in the ends it strucks
Forever we'll be the whisper of the wind
Until we grow old, it will serve as a shield
Last edited by Virsanity on Thu Mar 10, 2011 1:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so..."




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Hy. I'm going to review this today.

General Idea
I like it. I like the message it transmits; even though I don't understand some parts , I bet that they have a specific purpose in the poem.
The only thing I think it is missing are the emotions. Nothing that caught my eye, nothing special felt by reading it.
But not all poems have to do that..

Nitpicks:
I hide behind that shadow

No need for plural.
Time after time it passes

other things are still to be found

On frail wings of vanity and wax


All in all, a good poem.
Keep writing.
"The day we lose our need for dreams is the day the human race forfeits its soul." -John Chiam
"Morpheus: Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life." -Matrix




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Wow! I loved the last stanza. It was so perfectly poetic it astounds me. And I adore the title. It's creative and pleasantly unique.

Suggestions:
I felt myself stranded from the inside
In the middle of nowhere, by which I can't decide
Afraid of being alone, I hide behind that shadows Either change 'shadows' to shadow, or change 'that to 'those'.
Time after time it pass, courage begins the show 'Pass' should be 'passes'.


Besides these, I thought your poem was very good. Interesting and complex.
"If you were half as funny as you thought you were, my boy,
you'd be twice as funny as you are."

- Dorothea, The Mortal Instruments




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Points 1040
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thanks guys!!!
"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so..."



If you have a Kuzco in your life and they don't turn into a llama, bail.
— Alan SeaWright