From Life

About how the world seems when life goes bad. It probably needs refining, be as mean and brutal as you like.

============

You exist!
Oh Joy!!
I must come 'round and visit
And say what a pleasure it is,
That you've joined my show.
We're doing irony,
And grand designs,
Nice little screw-overs.
They're big in the Netherworld see?

Have you met Fate?
She's a real star.
Pisses on you,
And laughs.
Giving you breaks is her favourite trick.
A great way of getting your guard down.
Then she screws you.
Yes of course it's personal.
She wouldn't be Fate if it wasn't.

Sorry what?
God... Yes I've heard of Him.
He's not big in these parts.
But here's His number,
You can call if you like,
But it's better to send a message.
He'll get back to you,
Sometime this century.
In the mean time,
On with the show.

==============

Please note that I don't really believe what I say here (particularly about God)

I'm not really that sure what to say. I think this is a different poem, but a good poem. Keep up the good writing!

I suppose this is more of a clearly structured rant than a poem, which, in my opinion, is a good thing. It's quite straightforward and easy to relate to. There's this satirical tone to it that makes me wonder whether or it did come from some far off notion etched in your subconscious...and your speaker is merely a form of ventriloquism?

I particularly enjoyed these lines:

"Have you met Fate?
She's a real star.
Pisses on you,
And laughs. "

Very clever personification...specially the part where she's a FEMALE (Only kidding)



"aki"

im loveing this, so true and so bloody down to earth. its not the usual poem of love, sorrow and adventure but gives an unusual twist to a wrighters work. im loveing the way you introduse the feelings as , named people or charictors. this was a good length but maybe give the reader more <3

Very nice poem! I thought you did a very good job showing us the emotions instead of just telling them right out to us. There was one part of the poem that stood out to me the most...

Sorry what?
God... Yes I've heard of Him.
He's not big in these parts.
But here's His number,
You can call if you like,
But it's better to send a message.
He'll get back to you,
Sometime this century.
In the mean time,
On with the show.

This was my favorite part. People our age have such a hard time believing God is there, so it is easy to relate to! Keep writing, and I would love to see some more of our work posted

-Jessa

I enjoyed it, when i was reading it, I felt as if i had just joined the circus and was getting a walk though of how everything worked. it definetly has a sense of truth to it.

I don't really have anything to critize about, even if I did, I'm not that good of a writer, so i really wouldn't have much room to talk.

Wow I thought this was really interesting and had a great story and a different way about it, the only thing is you need to read through it a couple more times and edit simple things like misspelled words and punctuation. Thanks for posting this was a really interesting piece and I'm glad you shared it with us!
Peace,
SnickerDooly