On The Porch

I sat on the steps of Cody’s porch and flicked my cigarette butt to the ground. Smoke still hung in the cold night air. The air kissed my skin and I zipped up my coat, shivering. The smoke of the cigarette sank into my skin dissipating from the sky.
The sound of the opening front door replaced silence. I closed my eyes and rested my head on my knees. Then I felt the wood beneath me depress under the weight of Cody sitting next to me.
I opened my eyes and turned my head in his direction without lifting my head from my knees. My hair fell into my face and he wiped it away with his hand.
“Hi,” he breathed.
I don’t answer respond. All I do is smile. It was fake.
“I miss your smile,” Cody murmurs, pursing his lips.
My head shook back and forth slightly. “I miss talking to you all night like we used to.”
He attempted to grin but it turned into a grimace of painful memories. “Are you still leaving?”
“Yes,” I sniffle, lifting my head and staring at him. “Come the morning I’ll be gone.” There was silence.
His jaw clenches and he doesn’t look at me. “There’s nothing I can do to change this, is there?”
I shake my head. “No, I need this.”
I turn to him and let him know that I love him.

My dad was sick and my mom, she cared for him. Her love, it nursed him back to life. And me, I ran. I couldn’t even look at him for fear I’d have to say goodbye.
But right as I started to leave late that night he grabbed me by the shoulders. He told me, “What’s left to lose? You’ve done enough and if you fail, well then you fail but not to us. ‘Cause these last three years, I know they’ve been hard. But now it’s time to get out of the desert and into the sun, even if it’s alone.”

So now here I sit in my hotel off of Sunset with Cody’s old guitar in my hands, strumming it aimlessly while picking apart my memories. At one time, he promised to teach me how to play. But now, my fingers pluck strings with no direction; my thoughts bounce off Cody’s guitar.
I haven’t talk to Cody since the night I left and that’s the way it’s been. I don’t think he wants to talk to me ever again. But I had something to prove; I had to leave.
I could see the immense pain in his eyes that last night, but I wonder could he see it in mine?
But after all, what’s left to lose? I’ve done enough. And if I fail, well then I fail, but I gave it a shot. And these last three years, I know they’ve been hard but now it’s time to get out of the desert and into the sun, even if it’s alone.
Suddenly, I grab my keys off the counter and I find myself in the car driving home.
My heart knows where to go so my brain takes the back seat. After getting to my home town, I go straight to Cody’s old porch. I knock on the door with three semi-quiet raps.
I wait.
The door opens slowly. Cody’s face twists into surprise but it is soon replaced with a hard stare, as to not give any emotion away. “What are you doing here?” He asks, his voice cracking involuntarily.
“I want to fix things.”
He steps outside, closing the door quietly behind him. I turn around and instantly do what I always used to do.
I sat on Cody’s porch steps with him next to me, completely silent. When he sits, my head rests on his shoulder. His shoulder tenses a bit. His familiar smell of coffee and old books fills my nostrils.
I turn to him and I let him know, I still love him.

Phoenix lands for a review.

This is short sweet and to the point and I only have a few nitpicks.

I don’t answer respond

.

Cut out answer or respond

My dad was sick and my mom, she cared for him. Her love, it nursed him back to life. And me, I ran. I couldn’t even look at him for fear I’d have to say goodbye

.

Expand this a bit, right now it's a bit choppy.

He steps outside, closing the door quietly behind him. I turn around and instantly do what I always used to do.
I sat on Cody’s porch steps with him next to me, completely silent.

I turn to him and I let him know, I still love him.

The ending is a bit abrupt and doesn't really close the story up well. I'm fine with the shortness of it, but I think the ending needs to have a better end focus. End focus, are the last four lines of any chapter, story etc. Those last four line need to almost sum up all that has happened. If you can do that, then this will resonate with a soft glow of closure. The outcome does not need to be closed, but the feeling must be.

Reall that is all I can say as overall it is well written and acts as what it is. A nice short piece showing the struggles of a romance. Keep up the good work.

Phoenix bursts into flames

Hey there I'm The.Dreamwalker and I'm here to give you a review!

So, on with the show!

Grammar and Punctuation:

The air kissed my skin and I zipped up my coat, shivering

This line is a bit wonky. The 'and' should either be replaced with word such as 'making' or replaced with a period. In this case, you could possibly replace it with a semi-colon because the two sentences would have to do with the same topic.

I opened my eyes and turned my head in his direction without lifting my head from my knees.

Here you have the word 'head' placed twice in one sentence. Because it it, it makes it sound redundant and overused. When you have a paragraph, try your hardest not to use a noun twice (even names). That way, it doesn't give the reader a feel of repetition that isn't necessarily flattering for a piece of literature if you want it to be taken seriously.

I don’t answer respond.

This is just a wonky line. Reword it.

Her love, it nursed him back to life.

One word. Semicolon.

Anything that I mentioned also pretains to other mistakes that repeat throughout this bit. If you'd like me to fine-comb through it, i would for surely!

Plot:

Quick. To the point. I believe this storyline would be much more interesting if it was spead out more seeing as we don't really get too many reasons for the emotion in it. Just that things were hard and than things got better. It would be nice to know what went wrong and how things got better. What happened? These are questions that should be answered.

Setting and Desription:

There isn't much of that in this piece. I would love to see a lot more.

Characterization:

Your character is a bit flat. You can see a lot of the pain she feels but it would be really nice to understand why she would feel that way. A piece that shows only emotion can come across as being overly drammatic and childish as opposed to taken as a piece of serious literature. Try and shape your characters with the descriptions you write and the plot your formulate.

Overall:

I believe this piece has quite a bit of potential.In fact, I can see this going very nicely if you shape your plot and then your characters around it. Really work hard on that and I'm sure you'll have a very nice piece of literature .