Ogygia-Part 3

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Athena's silvery loom clicked back forth. Calypso sat Indian-style on the bed, waiting for Athena to start the story.

"The blind poet Homer once told the story of the Odyssey. He told you that the last stop of Odysseus before returning to Penelope was Ogygia, home of the sea nymph Calypso."

Calypso nodded. "My namesake."

Athena continued.” In the Odyssey, does it ever explain why Calypso lives on Ogygia?"

Calypso racked her memory, but nothing came to mind so she shook her head.

Athena smiled. "Here lies the answer to your question."

Calypso looked around room and knew for a fact she wasn't the first to live there. Things were neat, but used. Calypso put her hands in her lap and listened to Athena.

"Calypso was an ordinary sea-nymph, who made her home the beach. She was sweet, playful, beautiful, and a little cunning. Everyone loved her, especially Aphrodite. One day, while she was surrounded by her group of suitors, one foolish man proclaimed that Calypso was more beautiful than Aphrodite. The rest agreed, and this continued for days, comparing the Sea-nymph's beauty to Aphrodite's. Aphrodite was angry, but held back her wrath for three days, for Calypso was born of the sea like herself. But on that third day, the same foolish man who first compared Calypso to Aphrodite told Calypso that Aphrodite was nothing, that the love goddess was insignificant in comparison to Calypso. That was the proverbial last straw for Aphrodite. She turned Calypso's suitors into doves and banished her once-favored nymph to Ogygia.

"This is it, isn't it? I'm on Ogygia." Calypso leaned against the rocky cave wall and tried to take in what Athena was telling her. "But what does this have to do with me?"

"Recently, Calypso escaped. She could be half way around the world or right under our noses, but her name does her justice. Calypso is in fact the hidden one, a blind spot in the gods’ eyes. Aphrodite was furious, and her anger masked her reason. When she found you, she was too happy to think rationally. You are a pretty Greek girl, and appear the same age as Calypso. Charles Royce was her pawn. He was to kidnap the goddess Calypso, and make her unstable so she could never escape again. Aphrodite didn't know the dangerous game she was playing, and I did my best to keep you from insanity's cold, bleak shores. When you arrived here, mortal and not the person Aphrodite thought you were, Aphrodite was proved wrong, something she does not take well."

"But why won't she let me go home? Please help me go home, Athena." Calypso begged, her green eyes big and pleading.

Athena smiled sympathetically. "I am not permitted to meddle in your life anymore, Calypso. Aphrodite refuses to be wrong, and now she will say that she brought you here for love. She will say that true love lives on this island, a couple worthy of immortal Olympus." Athena threw a silver blanket on the bed, a perfect birds eye view of the island weaved into it.

A couple worthy of immortal Olympus...what does that mean? Aphrodite wouldn't force me to fall out of love, I'm already in love with Jason. That must mean she's bringing Jason here. Poor Jason, He'll never get to be a teacher. Calypso slipped out of the room and decided to take a walk. She heard the Click-clack of the loom and knew that Athena started on a new project. She wandered into the garden and her stomach started to growl. She popped a few dark grapes into her mouth, and savored the sweet taste. She tasted food after food, in awe of the other Calypso's gardening skills. After washing her sticky hands and drinking the cool spring water Calypso sat on a slab of rock and watched the breathtaking sunset. After a while her eyes started to feel heavy, so she closed them and let the world go dark.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Calypso opened her heavy eyelids and blinked in the harsh morning sunlight. She started to stretch, but she was something that made her whip her body around fast she heard her back crack.

Oh God, a man!

Calypso hid behind a rock and tried to figure out what to do. It was a man alright, but it wasn't Jason. He was tall, at least a head taller that Calypso's 5'6 frame. His black hair hung in loose curls to his shoulders and his olive skin was darkened by many days in the sun. He held his black shirt in his hand, and Calypso looked away blushing when she found herself staring at his abs. He was walking around a blue and white fishing boat, swearing and scowling.

Fix your boat and leave, Calypso thought. You're going to ruin everything.

Calypso's foot fell asleep, so she repositioned her self, hitting her leg on the rock. She managed to stifle the scream, but the dull thud blew her cover. She ducked lower behind the rock, but it was too late.

"Who's there?" The man called out with a thick Greek accent.

Calypso scrunched down as far as she could and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to make herself invisible. The man started to walk toward Calypso's hiding place

"I'm not going to hurt you." He called out, getting closer and closer to the rock Calypso was hiding behind. Butterflies got wilder and wilder in Calypso's stomach until a hand appeared in front of her face. With a sigh, Calypso took it and pulled herself up, finding herself face-to-face with the handsome man. Calypso backed up a few steps and hung her head, doing her best to avoid eye contact.

"What's your name?" he asked slowly in English, then in Greek. Calypso hesitated for a second, then decided she had nothing to lose. She straitened her back and brushed sand off her tunic.

"Calypso Baros, from Detroit, Michigan."

He gave her a look. "Michigan? In America? What are you doing here?"

Calypso dodged the question "What's your name?" She asked

"Adonis Costas, from Mesta, Greece. If you're not going to tell me why you're here, at least tell me where I am."

Calypso bit her lip and sat down. "It's a long story."

He gave her a funny look, but gestured to his broken boat. "I have time." He sat down next to her and waited for her to start. Calypso took a deep breath.

"This is going to sound crazy." She warned him, and she told the story from the beginning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adonis stared at Calypso. "You expect me to believe this? This is completely crazy! You're completely crazy."

"I'm not crazy, trust me, I know what it feel's like."

"Prove it."

Calypso thought for a minute, and could tell Adonis was starting to get impatient.

"Come with me." She gestured to the cave where Athena sat at her loom.

He just stood there, looking longingly at his broken boat.

"I'm not going hurt you."

He started to walk slowly, and Calypso opened the flap leading into the dimly lit interior of the cave. Adonis ducked his head and walked in. Sure enough, Athena still sat on her stool, weaving what looked like another blanket.

"Lady Athena?" Calypso asked timidly.

She turned around, and when she saw Adonis she gave a faint smile.

"So the Fates have decreed."
Athena touched Adonis' temple gently, like she did for Calypso. Adonis Pulled his head back and touched his forehead. Calypso looked over at Athena, who just shrugged.

"He has all of his sanity; he was just stubbornly in denial. So all I did was shock some sense into him." Athena looked at Adonis with disgust. "Put your shirt on Adonis, you are in the company of women."

He unwrinkled his shirt and pulled it on. He looked surprisingly ordinary in his black tee-shirt, blue jeans, and beaded necklace. It stood out in old-fashioned cave and with the ancient style clothing of the women. Adonis started to pace around the roomy cave while Athena continued her work. Calypso's fingers started to itch, and she wished she had her sketching tools. She started to absently wonder if weaving was a good enough substitute for sketching when all of Adonis' fury erupted as he yelled, “There has to be a way to get out of here!"

Calypso looked over at Athena and asked, "Are you allowed to meddle in his life? Because if you are-"

Calypso didn't even get to finish her sentence before a familiar female voice called out, "No, she is not. You are both mine now."
Last edited by moderncalypso on Sun Apr 10, 2011 6:14 pm, edited 3 times in total.




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And the plot thickens! (I always wanted to say that.)
Calypso opened her sticky eyelids and blinked in the harsh morning sunlight. She started to stretch, but she was something that made her whip her body around fast she heard her back crack.


Oh God, a man.

First, why is there such a large space in this? Second, I think the sentence " Oh God, a man." should be in italics because it seems to be a thought.

He raised an eyebrow. "Calypso?"
Why does this guy seem more interested in her name then the fact that she is on what seems to be a deserted island?

I like the way this is going so far though. Keep writing!
Check these out please! :)
Alezrani
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*Sighs* I finally caught up! I think this is incredibly interesting and my love of Greek myths will attach me to both of your sides. I love the idea you having going here. There's one thing that does bother me, though. Wasn't Calypso (the original) a daughter of the titian Atlas? I'm not positive, but if I'm right then that might be something for Athena to tell Calypso. I agree with everything idraxx said and I have a few simple corrections of my own.

"So the Fates have decreed."
Athena touched Adonis' temple gently, like she did for Calypso. Adonis Pulled his head back and touched his forehead. Calypso looked over at Athena, who just shrugged.


Why are some sentances double spaced, some single spaced, and some have no spacing at all? I couldn't find a pattern in it at all so I think it would be something to fix, before I loose my sanity. (Except I don't get to live on Ogyia with two Greek goddess :( ) I can't find any other mistakes, so good work! Contact me when the next part is up please. *Puppy dog eyes*
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Hey there, here for a review!

Okay, so overall the story seems to be progressing pretty nicely; explanations are being given, which is great. However, I'm not getting much of an idea about Calypso; she's a very blank, dull character, and I'm not feeling much connection with her, not much that's telling me what she's like, and that will explain to me why she'll do something, what makes her tick, etc. I think we need to hear more of her thoughts, or just some little flashes into her life before coming to Ogygia.

I also noticed that you seem to leave words out, making it confusing. For example, take a look at this sentence:
He told you that the last stop of Odysseus before returning this Penelope was Ogygia, home of the sea nymph Calypso."


Just doesn't flow; somewhere around the part of Penelope, you're missing parts. Keep an eye on this; I noticed a few more instances when I was reading your story.

Athena's silvery loom clicked back and forth and Calypso sat Indian-style on the bed, waiting for Athena to start the story.


This stood out to me as being inconsistent and in a totally different time frame. You're talking about Greece and all of these ancient, mythical people, and then you mention a phrase that's from another time, another land entirely.

Aphrodite wouldn't force me to fall out of love. That must mean she's bringing Jason here, Oh poor Jason, He'll never get to be a teacher.


This is very confusing. First off, what do you mean by "fall out of love"? Does she mean that she's already in love with some Jason and she's hoping he's going to be brought to the island? Also, the thoughts that she is directly thinking need to be in italics, and they shouldn't be capitalized after the commas. So, in other words, the revised version should look something like this: That must mean she's bringing Jason here. Oh, poor Jason, he'll never get to be a teacher.

Well, that's all! I love the way you're heading with this story; please let me know when you post more! And feel free to PM me if you've got any questions or whatnot. Keep up the good work! (:
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

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Hi there, Palip to review. I'm going to review as I go along, I hope you don't mind. So, here goes:

Athena's silvery loom clicked back and forth and Calypso sat Indian-style on the bed, waiting for Athena to start the story.
I think you should break this down into two sentences. Replace the second "and" with a full stop, it would sound better.

Calypso looked around the homey room
The adjective "homey" is a bit..out of place, in my opinion. Maybe, "comforting" would be a more appropriate word.

and waited for Athena to continue.
This is becoming a bit repetitive. Try replacing it with another phrase, or leave it out completely (just begin a new paragraph to indicate that Athena is speaking)

who made her home the beach
"the beach her home" sounds better (I think :P)

told Calypso that goddess was nothing
Add "the" before goddess. Maybe you could say she was insignificant when compared to Calypso, instead of nothing? Just a thought.

from insanities cold, bleak shores
I couldn't understand this. Sorry :S

Aphrodite was proved wrong, something she does not take well."
How and why was she proved wrong? Perhaps you should elaborate more in this area.

A couple worthy of immortal Olympus...what does that mean? Aphrodite wouldn't force me to fall out of love. That must mean she's bringing Jason here, Oh poor Jason, He'll never get to be a teacher. Once Calypso sufficiently convinced herself by "A couple worthy of Olympus" meant that Jason would be brought to Ogygia as well, she slipped out of the room and decided to take a walk. Calypso heard the Click-clack of the loom and knew that Athena started on a new project. She wandered into the garden and even popped a few dark grapes into her mouth, and savored the sweet taste. Her stomach growled, so she ate anything in the garden that could be eaten raw. After washing her sticky hands and drinking the cool spring water Calypso sat on a slab of rock and watched the breathtaking sunset. After a while her eyes started to feel heavy, so she closed them and let the world go dark.
This is a bit...higgly piggly, if you don't mind my saying. Punctuation is irregular and even the sentences somehow seem stuctured incorrectly. For example, first you should say that the protagonist was hungry, THEN that she ate everything she could, including grapes.

by many day's
No apostrophe between day and s (I know, sorry, pointing out the obvious :P)

her eye's shut
Again, no apostrophe.

He was around 6'0-6'1
Two figures of height is a bit...akward. I think that stating, "he was approximately 5 inches taller than Calypso," would be better. Or you could just omit the whole sentence.

Well, that's all from the grammatical perspective. As for the content...I'm a sucker for these stories, so I can't say I did not enjoy it. By the way, I absolutely loooveeeeedd the ending :P. Great job and I hope you won't give it up now that you've come to the third chapter.




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Finally!!! The third Ch?/Part has come out!!! I would've commented yesterday but I was tired and didn't feel like it. But now I have! And I cannot wait for the next part!!!!!!!!!

Athena's silvery loom clicked back and forth andshould use 'as' Calypso sat Indian-style on the bed, waiting for Athena to start the story.

"The blind poet Homer once told the story of the Odyssey. He told you that the last stop of Odysseus before returning thisis it supposed to be 'his'? Penelopecomma I believe was Ogygia, home of the sea nymph Calypso."

Calypso nodded. "My namesake."

Athena continued.” In the Odyssey, does it ever explain why Calypso lives on Ogygia?"

Calypso racked her memory, but nothing came to mind so she shook her head.

Athena smiled. "Here lies the answer to your question."

Calypso looked around the homey room and knew for a fact she wasn't the first to live there. Things were neat, but used. Calypso put her hands in her lap and waited for Athena to continue.

"Calypso was an ordinary sea-nymph, who made her home the beach. She was sweet, playful, beautiful and a little cunningWhy is it I have a hard time believing that? LOL xD. Everyone loved her, especially Aphrodite. One day, while she was surrounded by her group of suitors, one foolish man proclaimed that Calypso was more beautiful than Aphroditeoooohhh!!! es muy stupid!. The rest agreed, and this continued for days, comparing the Sea-nymph's beauty to Aphrodite's. Aphrodite was angry, but held back her wrath for three days, for Calypso was born of the sea like herself. But on that third day, the same foolish man who first compared Calypso to Aphrodite told Calypso that goddess was nothing, and Calypso should be the goddess of beautyuh-oh. he dead. xD. That was the proverbialOMG BIG WORD!!! last straw for Aphrodite. She turned Calypso's suitors into dovesWhy doves? and banished her once-favored nymph to Ogygia.

"This is it, isn't it? I'm on Ogygia." Calypso leaned against the rocky cave wall and tried to take in what Athena was telling her. "But what does this have to do with me?"

"Recently, Calypso escaped. She could be half way around the world or right under our noses, but her name does her justice. Calypso is in fact the hidden one, a blind spot in the gods’ eyes. Aphrodite was furious, and her anger masked her reason. When she found you, she was too happy to think rationally. You are a pretty Greek girl, and appear the same age as Calypso. Charles Royce was her pawn. He was to kidnap the goddess Calypso, and make her unstable so she could never escape again. Aphrodite didn't know the dangerous game she was playing, and I did my best to keep you from insanitiesI believe it's spelled insanity's cuz it's possesive cold, bleak shores. When you arrived here, Aphrodite was proved wrong, something she does not take well."

"But why won't she let me go home? Please help me go home, AthenaI would use an exclamation mark to show her desperation." Calypso begged, her green eyes big and pleading.

Athena smiled sympathetically. "I am not permitted to meddle in your life anymore, Calypso. Aphrodite refuses to be wrong, and now she will say that she brought you here for love. She will say that true love lives on this island, a couple worthy of immortal Olympus." Athena threw a silver blanket on the bed, a perfect birds eye view of the island weaved into it.

A couple worthy of immortal Olympus...what does that mean? Aphrodite wouldn't force me to fall out of love. That must mean she's bringing Jason here, Oh poor Jason, He'll never get to be a teacher. Once Calypso sufficiently convinced herself by "A couple worthy of Olympus" meant that Jason would be brought to Ogygia as well, she slipped out of the room and decided to take a walk. Calypso heard the Click-clack of the loom and knew that Athena started on a new project. She wandered into the garden and even popped a few dark grapes into her mouth, and savoreduse 'savoring the sweet taste the sweet taste. Her stomach growled, this part with the 'so' seems wierd...too suddenso she ate anything in the garden that could be eaten raw. After washing her sticky hands and drinking the cool spring water Calypso sat on a slab of rock and watchedwatching the breathtaking sunset the breathtaking sunset. After a while her eyes started to feel heavy, sotake out 'so' she closed them and let the world go dark.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Calypso opened her sticky eyelids and blinked in the harsh morning sunlight. She started to stretch, but I don't know what word you were intending to use but 'she' is definatly not working.she was something that made her whip her body around use 'so'fast she heard her back crack.

Oh God, a man!

Calypso hid behind a rock and tried to figure out what to do. It was a man alright, but it wasn't Jason. He was tall, at least a head taller that Calypso's 5'6put his height in words. frame. His black hair hung in loose curls to his shoulders and his olive skin was darkened by many day's in the sun. He held his black shirt in his hand, and Calypso looked away blushing when she found herself staring at his abshehe. He was walkingwith? a blue and white fishing boat, swearing and scowling.

Fix your boat and leave, Calypso thought. You're going to ruin everything.Why would she say that?

Calypso's foot fell asleep, so she repositioned her self, hitting her leg on the rock. She managed to stifle the scream, but the dull thud blew her cover. She ducked lower behind the rock, but it was too late.

"Who's there?" The man called out with a thick Greek accent.

Calypso scrunched down as far as she could and squeezed her eye's shut, trying to make herself invisible. The man started to walk toward Calypso's hiding place

"I'm not going to hurt you." He called out, getting closer and closer to the rock Calypso was hiding behind. Butterflies got wilder and wilder in Calypso's stomach until a hand appeared in front of her face. With a sigh, Calypso took it and pulled herself up, finding herself face-to-face with the handsome man. He was around 6'0-6'1, but wasn't lanky and awkward, like a lot of tall boys. Calypso backed up a few steps and hung her head, doing her best to avoid eye contact.

"What's your name?" he asked slowly in English, then in Greek. Calypso hesitated for a second, then decided she had nothing to lose. She straitened her back and brushed sand off her tunic.

"Calypso Baros, from Detroit, Michigan.YAY! SHE'S A MICHIGANDER!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Calypso?"

"Yes, Calypso. What's your name?"

"Adonis Costas, from Mesta, Greece."

Calypso covered her mouth to hide a laugh. "Your name is Adonis, and you think MY name is weird?"

Adonis rolled his eyes. "So," he said, changing the subject. "Where exactly am I?"
Calypso bit her lip and sat down. "It's a long story."

He gave her a funny look, but gestured to his broken boat. "I have time." He sat down next to her and waited for her to start. Calypso took a deep breath.

"This is going to sound crazy." She warned him, and she told the story from the beginning.Why don't you tell us the story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adonis stared at Calypso. "You expect me to believe this? This is completely crazy! You're completely crazy."

"I'm not crazy, trust me, I know what it feel's like."how is she telling him this? pleadingly?

"Prove it."

Calypso thought for a minute, and could tell Adonis was starting to get impatient.

"Come with me." She gestured to the cave where Athena sat at her loom.

He just stood there, looking longingly at his broken boat.

"I'm not going hurt you."

He started to walk slowly, and Calypso opened the flap leading into the dimly lit interior of the cave. Adonis ducked his head and walked in. Sure enough, Athena still sat on her stool, weaving what looked like another blanket.

"Lady Athena?" Calypso asked timidly.

She turned around, and when sheis it Lady Athena or Calypso who's doing this? saw Adonis she gave a faint smile.

"So the Fates have decreed."
Athena touched Adonis' temple gently, like she did for Calypso. Adonis Pulled his head back and touched his forehead. Calypso looked over at Athena, who just shrugged.

"He has all of his sanity; he was just stubbornly in denial. So all I did was shock some sense into him." Athena looked at Adonis with disgust. "Put your shirt on Adonis, you are in the company of women." haha I laughed at this part, just imagining it.

He unwrinkled his shirt and pulled it on. He looked surprisingly ordinary in his black tee-shirt, blue jeans, and beaded necklace. It stood out in old-fashioned cave and with the ancient style clothing of the women. Adonis started to pace around the roomy cave while Athena continued her work. Calypso's fingers started to itch, and she wished she had her sketching tools. She started to absently wonder if weaving was a good enough substitute for sketching when all of Adonis' fury erupted as he yelled, “There has to be a way to get out of here!"

Calypso looked over at Athena and asked, "Are you allowed to meddle in his life? Because if you are-"

Calypso didn't even get to finish her sentence before a familiar female voice called out, "No, she is not. You are both mine now."
May all your bacon BURN! ~Calcifer "Howl's Moving Castle"




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Athena's silvery loom clicked back forth. Calypso sat Indian-style on the bed, waiting for Athena to start the story.

"The blind poet Homer once told the story of the Odyssey. He told you that the last stop of Odysseus before returning to Penelope was Ogygia, home of the sea nymph Calypso."

Calypso nodded. "My namesake."

Athena continued.” In the Odyssey, does it ever explain why Calypso lives on Ogygia?"

Calypso racked her memory, but nothing came to mind so she shook her head.

Athena smiled. "Here lies the answer to your question."

Calypso looked around room and knew for a fact she wasn't the first to live there. Things were neat, but used. Calypso put her hands in her lap and listened to Athena.

"Calypso was an ordinary sea-nymph, who made her home the beach. She was sweet, playful, beautiful comma and a little cunning. Everyone loved her, especially Aphrodite. One day, while she was surrounded by her group of suitors, one foolish man proclaimed that Calypso was more beautiful than Aphrodite. The rest agreed, and this continued for days, comparing the Sea-nymph's beauty to Aphrodite's. Aphrodite was angry, but held back her wrath for three days, for Calypso was born of the sea like herself. But on that third day, the same foolish man who first compared Calypso to Aphrodite told Calypso that Aphrodite was nothing, that the love goddess was insignificant in comparison to Calypso. That was the proverbial last straw for Aphrodite. She turned Calypso's suitors into doves and banished her once-favored nymph to Ogygia.

"This is it, isn't it? I'm on Ogygia." Calypso leaned against the rocky cave wall and tried to take in what Athena was telling her. "But what does this have to do with me?"

"Recently, Calypso escaped. She could be half way around the world or right under our noses, but her name does her justice. Calypso is in fact the hidden one, a blind spot in the gods’ eyes. Aphrodite was furious, and her anger masked her reason. When she found you, she was too happy to think rationally. You are a pretty Greek girl, and appear the same age as Calypso. Charles Royce was her pawn. He was to kidnap the goddess Calypso, and make her unstable so she could never escape again. Aphrodite didn't know the dangerous game she was playing, and I did my best to keep you from insanity's cold, bleak shores. When you arrived here, mortal and not the person Aphrodite thought you were, Aphrodite was proved wrong, something she does not take well."

"But why won't she let me go home? Please help me go home, Athena." Calypso begged, her green eyes big and pleading.

Athena smiled sympathetically. "I am not permitted to meddle in your life anymore, Calypso. Aphrodite refuses to be wrong, and now she will say that she brought you here for love. She will say that true love lives on this island, a couple worthy of immortal Olympus." Athena threw a silver blanket on the bed, a perfect birds eye view of the island weaved into it.

A couple worthy of immortal Olympus...what does that mean? Aphrodite wouldn't force me to fall out of love, I'm already in love with Jason. That must mean she's bringing Jason here. Poor Jason, He'll never get to be a teacher. Calypso slipped out of the room and decided to take a walk. She heard the Click-clack of the loom and knew that Athena started on a new project. She wandered into the garden and her stomach started to growl. She popped a few dark grapes into her mouth, and savored the sweet taste. She tasted food after food, in awe of the other Calypso's gardening skills. After washing her sticky hands and drinking the cool spring water Calypso sat on a slab of rock and watched the breathtaking sunset. After a while her eyes started to feel heavy, so she closed them and let the world go dark.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Calypso opened her sticky eyelids and blinked in the harsh morning sunlight.Sticky eyelids doesn’t sound right. She started to stretch, but she was something that made her whip her body around fast she heard her back crack.

Oh God, a man!

Calypso hid behind a rock and tried to figure out what to do. It was a man alright, but it wasn't Jason. He was tall, at least a head taller that Calypso's 5'6 frame. His black hair hung in loose curls to his shoulders and his olive skin was darkened by many day's days in the sun. He held his black shirt in his hand, and Calypso looked away blushing when she found herself staring at his abs. He was walking a blue and white fishing boat, swearing and scowling.

Fix your boat and leave, Calypso thought. You're going to ruin everything.

Calypso's foot fell asleep, so she repositioned her self, hitting her leg on the rock. She managed to stifle the scream, but the dull thud blew her cover. She ducked lower behind the rock, but it was too late.

"Who's there?" The man called out with a thick Greek accent.

Calypso scrunched down as far as she could and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to make herself invisible. The man started to walk toward Calypso's hiding place

"I'm not going to hurt you." He called out, getting closer and closer to the rock Calypso was hiding behind. Butterflies got wilder and wilder in Calypso's stomach until a hand appeared in front of her face. With a sigh, Calypso took it and pulled herself up, finding herself face-to-face with the handsome man. Calypso backed up a few steps and hung her head, doing her best to avoid eye contact.

"What's your name?" he asked slowly in English, then in Greek. Calypso hesitated for a second, then decided she had nothing to lose. She straitened her back and brushed sand off her tunic.

"Calypso Baros, from Detroit, Michigan."

He gave her a look. "Michigan? In America? What are you doing here?"

Calypso dodged the question "What's your name?" She asked

"Adonis Costas, from Mesta, Greece. If your you’re not going to tell me why your you’re here, at least tell me where I am."

Calypso bit her lip and sat down. "It's a long story."

He gave her a funny look, but gestured to his broken boat. "I have time." He sat down next to her and waited for her to start. Calypso took a deep breath.

"This is going to sound crazy." She warned him, and she told the story from the beginning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adonis stared at Calypso. "You expect me to believe this? This is completely crazy! You're completely crazy."

"I'm not crazy, trust me, I know what it feel's like."

"Prove it."

Calypso thought for a minute, and could tell Adonis was starting to get impatient.

"Come with me." She gestured to the cave where Athena sat at her loom.

He just stood there, looking longingly at his broken boat.

"I'm not going hurt you."

He started to walk slowly, and Calypso opened the flap leading into the dimly lit interior of the cave. Adonis ducked his head and walked in. Sure enough, Athena still sat on her stool, weaving what looked like another blanket.

"Lady Athena?" Calypso asked timidly.

She turned around, and when she saw Adonis she gave a faint smile.

"So the Fates have decreed."
Athena touched Adonis' temple gently, like she did for Calypso. Adonis Pulled his head back and touched his forehead. Calypso looked over at Athena, who just shrugged.

"He has all of his sanity; he was just stubbornly in denial. So all I did was shock some sense into him." Athena looked at Adonis with disgust. "Put your shirt on Adonis, you are in the company of women."

He unwrinkled his shirt and pulled it on. He looked surprisingly ordinary in his black tee-shirt, blue jeans, and beaded necklace. It stood out in old-fashioned cave and with the ancient style clothing of the women. Adonis started to pace around the roomy cave while Athena continued her work. Calypso's fingers started to itch, and she wished she had her sketching tools. She started to absently wonder if weaving was a good enough substitute for sketching when all of Adonis' fury erupted as he yelled, “There has to be a way to get out of here!"

Calypso looked over at Athena and asked, "Are you allowed to meddle in his life? Because if you are-"

Calypso didn't even get to finish her sentence before a familiar female voice called out, "No, she is not. You are both mine now."


Hey, I’m having a great time reading this story! I don’t really have much to add besides the few mistakes I find here and there. I wish I had paid more attention when they taught Greek mythology in 7th grade x)
Keep writing! And if you haven’t checked out the Writing Resource section on YWS yet, it’s stocked full of information and ideas; well worth a visit. If you can’t find it, I can send you a link.
~blacksheep
The bad news is we don't have any control.
The good news is we can't make any mistakes.
-Chuck Palahniuk




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Hey there!

Okay, so I have a few things off about this chapter.

1. They mention how their think mortal-Calpyso is immortal-Calypso because she's a pretty Greek girl about the same age as immortal-Calpyso with the same name. Well, I don't exactly know Calypso's powers or whatever, but if I were her I wouldn't keep acting like the same person. At very least, I'd change my name, and probably dye my hair and move far, far away or something. I'm just saying, as is, Aphrodite takes our immortal-Calypso to be very conspicuous.

Also, wouldn't they be able to figure out a lot earlier that mortal-Calypso is, well, mortal? After all, I'm assuming that at least a god would be able to figure out if someone else were mortal or not, at least after so long. And sort of going with that, exactly how powerful is a sea nymph? Because how could they expect to contain and break immortal-Calypso with tortures that, though this is a special case, don't even break a mortal? I'm just saying, there would probably be at least unique forms of torture.

2. Why is Ardonis there, exactly? I understand that Aphrodite brought mortal-Calypso there because she thought she was immortal-Calypso, but why bring Adonis there, specifically? Is he there solely to be the man mortal-Calypso falls in love with? And what did he think he was doing there? Like her, was he carted there against his will and unconscious and just woke up there, or is there something else?

Okay, other than those things you got a pretty good chapter here. You still only touch the tip of her emotion's, but it's gotten a little better. The pacing's good, and you have some nice descriptions. What I especially love is the dynamics between mortal-Calypso, Athena, and Aphrodite. The gods are known for being stubborn and irrational, so Aphrodites actions (though only told in stories) fit well with that, making it seem very real. So good job.

(By the way, get confused by the mortal-, immortal-Calypso thing yet?)

So, any questions, any comments, drop me a wall post, m'kay?

loveness, ultraviolet <3
"Blah blah blah. You feel trapped in your life. Here is what I am hearing: happiness isn't worth any inconvenience."

~asofterworld.com



Y'know, sometimes a family is a mutant superhuman clown with cartoony powers, a hyperactive shapeshifter created in a lab, the ghost of an artificially created being who only exists for exposition, a cat who is an eldritch god for some reason, and an emo guy who doesn't canonically exist
— GengarIsBestBoy