I Miss You

I don't like this poem at all and it only took me maybe a minute to make:

I miss you.
I hate how it’s true.
I love you.
The words I wish I didn’t feel.

I hunger for you.
The feeling roars within me, fighting to be free.
I feel you within me.
Hurting and destroying me.

I remember you.
Your memory inside my mind and my heart.
I’ll never forget you.
Your laugh, your kiss, will be forever within me.

Even if you’re not here, you’ll always be with me.
In my heart forever, even if it kills me.

I think that you should expand on this. Throw in more metaphors and meanings into this. I don't know what else to say. It didn't give me any depth. It was blunt. Maybe work on the lines. The rhythm is nice though.

This poem definately has potential.I like the symmetry in the opening lines of each stanza. The fourth line needs some work. Also the word hunger doesnt seem to fit; I would try to find a really strog verb for that line. I really like the lines, "the feeling roars within me" and "Hurting and distroying me".

Bravo! This is such a nice poem. I love how it is so simple yet so gripping. Emotions are bursting and I wanna applaud you for that because if a writer can make a reader feel then that is an incredible achievement. keep writing.
xxx Upile xxx

Thanks everybody, I still don't like it but I'm happy some of you like it. Also, thanks for the tips, I'll probably have to edit it sometime, but right now I'm working on a short story, so yea. I really did try to get emotion in this piece though, I just wrote it from my heart and didn't really think about it, so this is the raw poem, not edited at all.