Disenchanting Ch 2

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I sat up slowly, panting, and spat out a mouthful of hair. My ears strained to hear in the sudden silence. Now that I wasn’t crashing through the undergrowth, I thought I could make out the soft pad of huge paws moving through the trees behind me.

“Son of a banshee,” I whispered around my suddenly dry mouth. My heart was beating in fitful little bursts, and my super strength deodorant had stopped working a long time ago.

I got to my feet as carefully as I could, wincing when a twig snapped under my sneaker. The quiet footsteps had stopped. All of the hair on the back of my neck was standing up. I could practically feel the creature’s eyes on me. Watching… and waiting.

The night pressed in on my eyes like a blindfold. I was breathing in through my mouth, but I could still smell the sulfur. Memories danced through my mind like scenes from a horror movie – the thin silver scars running down both of my mother’s arms, souvenirs from a goblin attack… a newspaper picture of a body bag being loaded into the back of an ambulance after a banshee rampage… a dark room, empty except for –

Damn it, that was the last thing I wanted to think about right now!

“Incendo,” I whispered, snapping my fingers together. A little sphere of light, only the size of a pool table ball, flared to life over my hand. I held it up high over my head and spun around in a slow circle, letting the sickly green light wash over the trees.

I was alone.

I laughed shakily, lowering my hand. Had I really just run through the woods from a figment of my own imagination? This was just humiliating. Amelia, my old roommate, would fall over laughing if she could see me now.

“Nothing there,” I whispered, trying to reassure myself. “Nothing at all.”

Except the smell of sulfur still lingered in the air. It wasn’t just lingering either, it still –

A flicker of motion caught my eye. I spun around, banging into that root again. As I waved my arms desperately to regain my balance, I saw it.

A huge dog, so black it was almost indistinguishable from the darkness, was standing a few feet away from me. Its eyes glowed a milky jade in the flickering light. Thick strings of yellow drool dripped from its massive jaws, sizzling as they hit the ground. The thing was absolutely enormous, almost as tall as a Great Dane.

I couldn’t help it – I, Cassie Sinclair, daughter of the district’s badass High Witch, let out a high-pitched scream that probably could have broken glass. The dog actually hesitated, pinning its ears back. After a second it seemed to regain its composure, though. It took a single, menacing steps towards me. There was nothing but death in its eyes.

Panicking, I flung out my hand, shooting a jinx at the monster. The dog dodged the bolt of magic with an unearthly quickness. The jinx struck a nearby tree with a loud bang that echoed through the woods.

A normal dog would have at least flinched, but the sound seemed to only provoke Fido. It bared its teeth, advancing again. Swearing, I backed away, stumbling over the uneven ground. I raised my hand to cast another jinx, but fear had erased any incantations from my mind.

The monster sank back onto its haunches as though preparing to leap. Muscles rippled under its sleek coat. I retreated a few more steps, eyes watering from the overwhelming smell of sulfur. Ten minutes ago, I had been searching for ingredients for a revenge potion, and now I was going to die.

Snarling, the dog sprang at me. I ducked, scraping my shoulder on a tree trunk. A rush of warm air hit my cheek as the creature soared past me, missing by inches.

Gasping, I pressed my back against the trunk, barely noticing the bark digging into my skin. For a second I thought the dog had vanished, but then I caught sight of it on the other side of the path. It was already advancing again, steps slow with a predatory confidence.

“Get out of here!” I yelled, throwing up my hands again. A flash of magic, part of some barely remembered curse, leapt from my palms. It struck the dog squarely in the side with a loud crack.

The monster froze for a moment, one paw raised comically like a pointer’s. I braced myself for another attack, but the dog only flattened its ears. I watched disbelievingly as it backed away. Still growling, it turned and fled back into the trees as quickly as it had appeared. Before I could even process what had happened, it had faded back into the shadows.

My hand was tingling unpleasantly as though it had fallen asleep. I shook it and looked around nervously. Darktowners were notoriously aggressive – that was what made them so damn scary. Had I really just scared the dog off that easily?

Well, I sure wasn’t going to hang around long enough to see if it came back. The flashlight was gone, probably buried in another patch of poison ivy. My parents would be ticked when they found out it was gone, but I should probably be grateful I hadn’t lost anything else – like a limb. I picked a few leaves out of my hair with a shaking hand and started walking up the path again. The little ball of light bobbed in front of me, illuminating a few feet at a time. There was no sound of pursuit behind me, and I was relieved to find that the sulfur smell had ebbed enough for me to breathe through my nose again.

The trees began to thin a little. The lights from the mansion were just barely visible, glowing softly through the tangle of branches and leaves. I picked up my pace, eager to get back to the house. Now that the brief spike of adrenaline was wearing off, I was exhausted. It had to be past three in the morning now. I could only hope my parents were still at their meeting. Their security guy, a big bald dude named Flanders, was supposed to be a huge American Idol fan. If I was lucky, he and my dad would be in the backroom of some bar, rehashing Monday’s episode, and I could be back in bed before anyone could know I had left the house.

The trail ended a few feet ahead. The wall loomed further on, looking much more imposing in the dark than it did in the daylight. I had never been so relieved to see the crumbling old fence before in my life. Even Seis’s company might be tolerable after getting terrorized by the Darktown version of Cujo.

I gingerly stepped over a log covered with a fuzzy carpet of moss and opened my mouth to call to Seis. But before I could get the first word out, a low voice spoke behind me.

“Not so fast, princess.”

The words were so soft and smooth it seemed that the shadows themselves had spoken. There was a note of menace in them that sent chills up and down my spine.

You’ve got to be kidding me
, I thought, reluctantly turning around.
“Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” Anton Chekhov




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haha, first one here! Boo-ya!

Except.....I have nothing to say. No nitpicks, nothing!

I'm so glad you posted this. I was browsing through my reviews today, and saw yours. I was tempted to ask you about it, then decided I'd wait a day or two more. You beat me to it.

This was great. Just enough going on, without it being too much. Know what I mean? haha.

I WILL harass you if you don't post more often, though ;)

Tanya




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Magnus! Sorry it's taken me a while to get to this, but thanks for notifying me! :D

Okay, so I am absolutely loving this story so far, and it's only on the second chapter! You know you're doing something right when the character is so easily likable and the story starts out with riveting action. :)

I only have one small nitpick:
It struck the dog squarely in the side with a loud crack.

The monster froze for a moment, one paw raised comically like a pointer’s.


It doesn't seem like the spell made any impression on the dog; it doesn't stagger back, nothing. I'd expect some kind of reaction from it, unless the dog's just too powerful and impervious (something worth noting from Cassie's POV) or the spell wasn't powerful enough to leave an impression (though, from your description of how it hit the dog, I'd think it would have).

That's honestly all I've got to say. You don't really leave much for me to review! All I can say now is post the next chapter soon, and give us some more to critique, hm? ;) Keep up the excellent work!
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
~Rick Castle




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Yo Magnus!

I. NITPICKS

This was just humiliating. Amelia, my old roommate, would fall over laughing if she could see me now.


Okay, you haven't mentioned Amelia or a roommate at all until just now and it's sort of... random.

Well, that was painless.

II. OVERALL

Again, all my issues are too bitty to make a whole thing about. The mention of Amelia bugged me a little. Like, me, I talk about my roommate all the time because she's always there. Plus, we're friends. If Amelia would laugh at her then fine, but we need to know who Amelia is first. Then there's Flanders, the security man. Maybe mention his name in the first chapter when you first mention him. As well, I'm really curious- what age is Cass meant to be?

With regards magic, I don't understand why she spent so long going, "Oh, I'm in the dark!" before turning on her little magic light. Make a reason for her not to use it if she's not going to. If she's grown up a witch, surely it's going to be as natural to her as anything. Start building your magic system and your world a little more.

But overall I enjoyed it! Tell me when the next part's up?

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x
"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010




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Another fantastic chapter! I'm really enjoying this story. I don't really have anything to suggest because it's super good already. I liked the imagery and how the words just seem to flow, making it more realistic. I can't wait to read more, please let me know when you put the next chapter up.



You won't know the outcome of something unless you try it.
— manilla