Purple Lipstick on my Collar (UPDATED 5/15)

This is rated PG-13 for the story content and topic. (It is then rated R when the story comes to chapter 10. You've been warned.) I'm open for critique. There are quite a bit of mistakes in spelling/grammar/etc. all of which I will try to correct as I keep proof reading. I'll also break up the story into seperate posts by chapter. PLEASE, don't feel like you have to read every single chapter, just critique on what you read. I've also made some changes at the beginning and minor ones throughout the story. I will update often.

Prologue
I have problems...I need help. I know the concept, but just can't seem to grasp it...

It seems too unreal to believe...I don't want to believe it. I keep pushing it towards the back of my mind, hoping it will all go away. It keeps surfacing though...leaving me to challenge the possibility. I can't...not anymore. I've sought advice, been reassured, but...it's not enough. It's just not enough. It kills me each day that I hold the secret...every day. I've acted on the thoughts, but nothing seems right. If I could only find a way to change what might be in store for me in the future, I could have a chance...a chance of changing what I know is going to get me.

Chapter 1: First Encounters
Renee carried her books in her right arm as she walked down the crowded hallway trying to squeeze by to find her next class. It was the beginning of the year when it was always hard to get from one hall to the next without being tardy. She was trying to catch up on who had been calling her on the tiny screen of her cell phone when someone bumped into her. The books weren't very secure in her arms, so they went flying onto the floor. Renee, breathless, cursed under her breath. She heard what sounded like, "Sorry, let me help," as a girl bent down to try to stop the books from being kicked any further down the hallway. Renee crouched down to help as well and reached for a book.
"Damn," the girl said, "Don't you see I'm trying to get a book!" she called out to a guy who turned and shrugged.
Renee peered up through her lashes and caught the girl's eyes; they smiled awkwardly. She had never seen her before.
Probably new, Renee thought.
Soon they were standing, facing each other as students shoved by.
"Pre-Calculus?" the girl asked, her voice soft as she handed the last book to Renee. Her finger lightly brushed against Renee's hand. Renee looked down; the girl drew her hand back quickly.
"Yeah, aren't you t-taking it?" Renee stammered. She slightly coughed as she said this, trying to calm herself down.
Why is my heart beating so fast?
Renee shuffled the books to the other arm, leaning against the locker trying to act casual.
"No," the girl shook her head. Renee looked down to see the girl’s fingers twisting the ring she wore on her thumb, “I’m not very good in math.”
Was she nervous?
"I'm Renee, by the way."
Renee didn't bother extending her hand in fear of the books falling again.
The girl seemed to understand and made no attempt. Renee found that this girl was very intriguing; something about the way she held herself.
"Maybe I could tutor you in math?" Renee asked.
Tutor you?
What was she thinking? She had only just met the girl.
"Maybe," she shrugged, her hand coming up to sweep away bangs that had gotten into her green eyes.
"What's your name?" Renee asked suddenly, her eyes darting over to the clock in the corner. She would be late.
"Oh, sorry. I'm not good with introductions. I'm Shannon Willis," she said, also turning to the clock, "I should go though."
Shannon gestured towards the clock with her thumb as if Renee didn’t know what she was talking about. The ring caught the hall light and Renee could see that it was a blue sapphire encircled by diamonds.
"Oh," Renee said startled; she looked at Shannon again, this time more closely. She had her eyebrow pierced. The black stud was very small, almost un-noticeable. Her hair was a dark cherry red pulled into a messy ponytail; the end swept forward on the shoulder of her denim jacket that had a series of pins and patches.
"I'll see you later?" Shannon asked, almost looking embarrassed to be the one to end the conversation.
"Yeah, maybe during lunch.” Renee nodded, turning her attention to her pointy boots.
Shannon smiled, "I'll be looking for you," she said.
Shannon then waved, and turned the corner disappearing from Renee's sight.
The bell rang, and Renee soon was left alone in the hallway.

You're such an idiot, Shannon.
Shannon couldn't believe what had just happened. Did she think she would do that again? She couldn't...she couldn't face herself again if she did that to someone who was so naive and innocent. They didn't know what horrors they would encounter. Renee was too trusting...she would fall hard, then get hurt.
Just like before, just like all the others.
Shannon couldn't take that risk. She can't hurt another person because of her insecurities. She just couldn't...
They had bonded so quickly, it was like they had known each other forever.
Let's not let that happen.
You'll only get hurt.
Don’t let it go any further.
Just stop right now.
You can't go through that again.
You don't want to have to explain yourself do you?
It's best just not to get involved at all.
Shannon didn’t know what she would do. She would just have to wait and see what was in store for her and Renee. She didn’t like to think she would act on the thoughts that brewed just below the surface. It would be such a shock…
She needed to know the truth.

Shannon hadn't showed up at lunch. Renee finally found her sitting against her locker on the floor, a book in her lap.
"Didn't see you at lunch," Renee said while crouching down to sit next to Shannon. She watched Shannon moved slightly over, not bothering to look up.
"Yeah," Shannon nodded, still following the words in the book, but not registering them. She was too into the feeling of Renee's leg against hers.
Renee watched as Shannon struggled as she tried to find the right words.
"Want to tell me why?" Renee asked, burrowing deeper into the problem that Shannon was so desperately trying to cover up.
"I couldn't."
"Couldn't? Why? Too busy with your nose in a book?"
Shannon smiled and bit her lip, "Maybe I was. It's far more interesting than sitting at a lunch table."
Renee reached over and picked the book up, "Just what are you reading?" she asked and examined the cover.
"Green Angel," she said aloud, "What's it about?"
"You wouldn't be interested." Shannon shook her head and grabbed the book back.
"Yes, I would! Come on," Renee begged, "Please?" she asked sweetly, slightly letting her hand rest on Shannon's leg. Shannon couldn't resist an offer like that.
"Okay," she sighed, "Are you sure?"
"Of course I am!"
"Well, it's about a girl named Green."
"Green? That's her name?" Renee laughed.
"I knew you wouldn't like it..."
"No, come on! I was kidding!"
Shannon took a side ways glance over at Renee then continued.
"She's left on her own when her mom, dad, and sister are lost in a terrible fire. She is soon haunted by loss and by the past because of the way things were left. She struggles to survive physically and emotionally in a place where nothing seems to grow and ashes everywhere. Green retreats into the ruined realm of her garden. But in destroying her feelings, she also begins to destroy herself. She puts up barriers to block all meaning of life out, only the loss of her family is important."
"Then what?" Renee asked.
"Well..." Shannon took a breath and was about to continue, but the bell rang sending a vast number of students out of their classrooms.
"Guess we'll have to finish this later." Shannon stood up, holding out a hand for Renee. Renee grabbed it and let herself be pulled up.
Shannon was grateful for the interruption; she didn't think she'd be able to stand another moment with Renee at the rate things were going.
"How about my house tonight?" Renee asked.
"I don't think so," Shannon said, remembering what she had told herself earlier.
"Come on! You could even stay for dinner..." Renee bribed, hoping Shannon would agree.
Shannon could feel her walls being broken down by this sweet girl one by one. She made no attempt to rebuild them.

Chapter 2: Only the Surface
When Shannon looked at her, she knows what weakness is. The weakness a person can bring you, the slow movement, words unspokened, needs left in the dark. She could feel it in her bones, the lack of strength to look away, to resist, this dearth of determination to walk away from her. The self-preservation instinct. To flee in front of danger, all impulse, no thought. And here she was, paralyzed with fear. She was still with want for someone she barely knew. She is a dazzaling tight-rope walker on a wire string. Caught in between what she wants and knowing what she'd have to do in order to get there. What she wants is a reality, the only problem is that it'll take some time. The wire is slick and sharp under her feet; it could snap at any moment if she made the wrong move. She could fall to her death knowning that she could have done better. She saw no easy way out.

Make your move...

Renee had short-circutied her. In the back of her throat she can feel the hurt-the heartbreak-if she does not have as true of feelings as Shannon does in the end.

Shit, Shannon. She has you hanging by a thread.

She played with the make-up brush. It glides over her cheeks, her mouth, and her closed eyes.

For a moment it was almost enough, a simple touch, a fleeting pleasure. She was afraid to want more. But she couldn't help herself.

Love is pain. She didn't know who said that.

“Someone smarter than you certainly,” she whispered to herself.

And here it is, undeniable, the burn and pinch of it in her chest with every inhale. She has learned it so well, this involuntary reaction to their every meeting, so well she already braces herself for it even before she sees Renee; a look at her, a sharp intake of breath, an involuntary smile–and in the background of it all, this frightening free-fall inside her.

Her heart is a slinky. It travels down a long flight of stairs never ending. Her heart goes down and down the stairs, she doesn't know when it'll stop.

Shannon can smell her whenever she sits near, air between them filled with possibilities. She does nothing to turn what is possible into what is real. She is a coward. And yet she doesn't run. Instead, she falls back on the basics of self-defense, the Shannon Routine – the tease, the reel-in, the pull-back – but this time it is her who is jerking uncontrollably at the end of the line, hooked and gasping for air because what she want is so close to the surface that it'd be a waste not to take the chance.

There is no escaping. She had to go through with tonight.
Renee had taught her what weakness is. Shannon laid out her clothes for the night carefully, nearly nauseous with anxiety. Every piece of the ensemble is a talisman, a charm. Black, to keep her feelings hidden. Silk, to stay cool to Renee's touch. Lace, to make Renee want her as much as she does. This will be her armor for tonight. It will not be enough to protect her.
I am weak.
I will succumb.
Shannon looked in the mirror. Old Shannon looked back at her seemingly impervious in the lightweight dress. She looked as though she could wound with a look, smite with a smile. Only her eyes betray her. They scream for her to just forget it, not let someone sneak into her veins and distort her vision of what should be-what's right.

I have faced my weakness. Will I find my strength?

The golden light of a street lamp buzzed, throwing eerie light across the hood of her car. Shannon's heart followed its fitful buzz. A hum, two, then silence, then it is resurrected only to continue.
Shannon’s hands are slick on the steering wheel from clutching it so tight with nervousness. Her mouth dry as she tried to swallow her fears. Her breath is caught up in her throat, egging her to just go. The porch light is on, the doorway looming in front of her.
She's waiting for you...
She closed her eyes, screwed them tight, and willed herself to let go of the steering wheel. She could see her in the darkness behind her eyelids. Confused, but determined, and so strong. Renee. She opened the door and stepped outside.

Shannon swallowed. She dodged back into the driver's seat and closed the car door. Nervously she toyed with the ring on her thumb.

I am not ready. Not yet. Not like this. We only just met. How could she ask such a total stranger to let me confide in her?

Shannon felt herself moving to get back out once again.

She took a step, two, then three. Renee's front door looming before her.

I'm not ready yet. I need some time. She will understand. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Just don't bring it up.

Shannon stood outside the door for quite sometimes before ringing the doorbell. Even then she wished she hadn’t. Renee opened it with no hesitation, wearing a khaki skirt and black tank top.
So simple, yet very irresistible.
Shannon pushed the thought towards the back of her mind once again. She was here because Renee needed to know the truth, not that she wanted to be.
You're lying to yourself, Shannon. You really are.
"Hey, lovely night isn't it?" Renee asked, poking out her head. Shannon closed her eyes and took in the smell of her hair. It smelt of lemons.
"What's with you?" Renee asked, tilting her head and smiling at Shannon.
Shannon's eyes fluttered opened.
She found Renee staring at her as she held open the screen door; a sweet smile lighting up her eyes.
"What do you mean?" Shannon asked averting her eyes to the floor mat.
"You had this weird expression on your face..." Renee drifted off as she leaned against the door.
"Oh, sorry." Shannon said coolly, "So are you going to let me in or did you just invite me over to ask questions?"
"A little," Renee whispered and stepped back allowing Shannon to squeeze through.
Shannon rolled her eyes.
I've got a lot of explaining to do, Shannon thought.
"It's going to be a long night," Renee called out, turning to look at Shannon as she followed her into the house.
My thoughts exactly.

“What are we having?” Shannon asked as they on the couch, the sound of the television muted.
“Spaghetti,”
From afar, Renee could hear the sounds of her mother in the kitchen.
That sat on opposite ends; the silence hanging between them as a clock ticked away the seconds.
“Um…are you going to finish telling me about your book?” Renee asked meekly while picking at a scab on her arm trying to look uninterested.
“Oh, right,” Shannon cleared her throat and turned towards Renee, “She faces her grief in the crazy world she lives in. She soon finds comfort in the weak numbness of daily tasks and in the pain of the tattoos that she begins to draw on herself.”
“Go on,”
“But in destroying her feelings, she also begins to destroy herself, erasing the girl she'd once been as she inks ravens into her skin. It is only through a series of mysterious encounters that Green relearns the lessons of love and begins to heal as she tells her own story. Slowly, she connects with survivors, especially a mysterious boy, who helps her replant her garden and feel joy again.”
“You’ve read this before?”
“Countless times…”
“I thought so.”

Chapter 3: Telling All
Shannon sat across from Renee at the table. Mrs. Wilks was at the end.
“So, where did you move from?” Mrs. Wilks asked as she pushed her plate away. They had been sitting in silence since the start, only now did Renee's mother speak. Shannon looked over at Renee who was staring intently at the ice in her water.
“New York.”
“New York? Really?” her mother asked enthused.
“Yes ma’am.”
Renee nearly laughed at this. Never before would she have thought Shannon would be the one to be so polite.
“What did your parents do there?”
“Well, they traveled often.”
“Oh,”
Renee felt her mother looking at her.
“How did you come to live here?” her mother asked; averting her eyes to the cross on the wall. They hadn't said Grace that night. Instead, they watched as Shannon served herself, and began eating. Renee had to stop herself from laughing. She didn't think Shannon had ever attended Church. For her, it was every Sunday morning and Wednesday night.
Renee sank lower into the chair as her mother continued. She looked over at Shannon; it looked as if she was somewhere else, just going through the motions of sitting at the table answering the many questions Renee hadn't even thought of. Renee wondered what she was thinking about.
“My father’s job, he’s often traveling with my mother. Just me and the house maids.”
“Sounds lonely,”
“It can be."
Shannon now met the gaze of Renee. She wasn't smiling, just searching Renee's face as if to ask, "Why are we still here?"
Renee watched as her mother sat up right, she only did this when she was ready to lay it on thick. Renee rolled her eyes, her mother could take things a little too far. It was the fourth of many.
“How are you liking school?”
“It’s good,” Shannon turned her head to focus on Mrs. Wilks, “Renee has helped me out a lot.”
Renee looked down at her plate.
“You know mom, you should probably clear away these dishes.”
She wanted to get Shannon alone, she had some questions of her own.
“Nonsense, we have a guest.”
“It’s okay, really,” Shannon said and pushed away her plate as well.
Renee took that as a cue and stood up, “We’ll be upstairs,” she said quickly.
Renee grabbed hold of Shannon’s hand, pulling her away from the table.
Up the stairs to seal my fate...
“So, that was your mom?” Shannon asked as they reached the top floor.
“One and only,”
Renee let go of Shannon’s hand and opened her bedroom door. Shannon rubbed her hands together; she could still feel the warmth of Renee’s hand in her own. She watched as Renee flopped onto the bed and kicked off her sandals, “Make yourself comfortable.”
“I like your room,” Shannon said admiring all the posters she had on her wall of bands and idols, “It’s nice.”
Shannon turned back towards Renee, her brown hair a mess and bra entangled with her tank top strap. Shannon held back on reaching over to fix it.
“Thanks,” Renee grabbed one of the many pillows off of her bed and placed it behind her head.
“So,” Shannon breathed, keeping her hands clasped as she sat, “What’s life like in Minnesota?”
Renee saw that Shannon was uncomfortable, so she sat up and scooted towards the edge.
“Quiet…not really anything to do. People pretty much keep to themselves.”
Shannon nodded her head, considering this, “Do you hang out with any other people?”
“What? Do you not like my company?” Renee asked.
The truth was, she didn't have that many friends at all. Acquaintances maybe if she was lucky. Shannon was the first person she had actually talked to on more than one occasion.
“No, I was just wondering…” Shannon drifted off, looking away to the rug on the floor.
“What?” Renee asked reaching over to place a hand on Shannon's.
“I was just wondering what it is you see in me. Most people would have just brushed me off.”
Renee clamped her mouth shut thinking about what to say.
What exactly had drawn her to Shannon?
She took a moment before letting out a breath of words, “You intrigued me...”
Renee said this so simply, it sent shivers up Shannon's spine just hearing it.
Maybe I'd actually have a chance...
Shannon laughed, “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”
Renee was taken aback by this, “What do you mean?”
“It’s just that, I have…issues. Things that I’ve done to people I’m not necessarily proud of.”
“Okay, don’t we all?”
Renee didn’t know what Shannon was getting at.
“No,” Shannon whispered and stood.
“No,” she said it more firmly, “You don’t get it.”
Renee stood up as well, “Don’t get what? Shannon, why don’t you just say it?”
“I can’t. You wouldn’t understand,”
“I would if you would just tell me!”
This was getting heated fast, she didn’t know why. Something about what this all would lead to sent Shannon into a whirlwind of emotions.
“I can’t, I can’t…” Shannon shook her head, brining her hands to her forehead.
Shannon could feel the voice inside her head arguing with her.
Tell her. She needs to know. Just say it.
“Shannon,” Renee pressed.
Do it. Come on.
“No, no,”
Shannon couldn’t bring herself to do it. It wouldn’t be fair; she would be jeopardizing what they already have.
Say it. Go!
“You can tell me,” Renee was pleading now.
Shannon couldn’t stop herself.
Soon, the words were tumbling out of her mouth, her lips forming the letters that were unspoken for so many years. Once again they slipped past. Her voice was shaking as her tounge fought to keep them at bay.
"What are you? Whore? Con-Artist? Gay? Druggie?" Renee asked.
Why won't she just tell me?
Shannon winced as she listed the possible factors. She didn’t like referring herself to a label set by society.
"I'm not into labels."
“You can do it,” the voice inside her head said, “Just get it over with.”
“Shannon,” Renee said once more, agitated.
Shannon closed her eyes for a brief second, her hand raking through her hair as it shook nervously. She took a breath, rested her hands on the dresser to steady herself, and took the plunge.
“There’s something you should know about me,” she said shakily, “before we go any further.”
Almost there…
“Okay,” Renee nodded, sitting back on the edge of her bed.
A little further…
“I’m a lesbian."

Chapter 4: Processing
Shannon could feel her face burning, her hands clammy, and heart racing as she waited for Renee’s reaction. It was killing her. She swept her hair up into a pony tail; the band pulling her hair back so tightly she felt she couldn't breathe. Her eyes darted over Renee's features; the straps were still entangled.
Renee couldn’t believe what she had just heard.
Lesbian?
How could that be?
“You can’t be,” Renee shook her head.
“That’s what I thought too, but it’s true. I just felt that you needed to know. I had to tell you before we got too close.”
“Too close?” Renee questioned.
“As friends. I didn’t want you to freak out…I was afraid you might tell everyone.”
“I won’t tell. Not until you're ready.”
“Thank you.”
They sat for awhile as they listened to Renee’s mother clean up downstairs. The piling of dishes wavered up the stairs and the smell of candles burning. The fumes became too much. Renee could feel her head throbbing needing to say something; anything.
“I need to process this.” Renee said suddenly, rubbing her temples.
“It’s a lot of information, I know.” Shannon reached over and placed her hand on Renee’s leg.
She quickly drew it away after seeing Renee look up. Shannon started rambling; feeling that if she talked fast and loud enough it'd make everything seem right, “If you don’t want to be friends we don’t have to be. I know what it can be like to find this out and feel you’ve been mistaken. Like your whole relationship has been a lie. I-”
“Shannon," Renee cut in, "I-I don’t want to stop being your friend. No matter what your feelings are.”
Shannon nodded, understanding what Renee might be going through right now.
"Who have you told?" Renee asked.
"Just you for now. My parents know, and some of my friends in New York. They used to send me to a shrink thinking he'd "straighten" me out."
Shannon nearly laughed at her own joke, but held back seeing how concerned Renee was.
"Have you ever been in a relationship?"
Shannon felt this weird sense of relief wash over her. Renee was so understanble.
She didn't act like she was near a disease; something you could catch if you got too close. It was comforting.
"Yes," Shannon lowered her voice, "It was with this girl, Skylar, I had met at a club downtown in New York. She was older, kind, beautiful...she was perfect. We talked, and soon we were back at her apartment on 5th Avenue. I didn't know how it happened, but soon her little black dress was on the floor and she was leading me to the bedroom."
She felt weird sharing this information with Renee. She had never told anyone.
"She was my first time. It was gentle, sensual...it was everything. She took her time, not like a boy who would have rushed. It was slow, everything a deliberate motion. Treated me as if I was something so fragile that she wanted to keep safe. That I was the only one in the world; that what was happening made time stand still. It was just us. What she was doing to me was the only thing that mattered. She was experienced. I fell hard."
Shannon heard Renee swallow and continued, "I left her though. She got into trouble with drugs and cheated on me countless times. She was never there and would always be out partying. I just decided it was time to end the relationship before it went any further and got us both in trouble. Girls can be just as horrible as any sex-crazed boy. They can lie, cheat, steal, dump you for the pretty cheerleader, you can make-up or break-up. Circle of Life."
Shannon knew there was more to her past than that, but felt it would be better to wait for another day.
Renee took a steady breath. She knew that what Shannon was saying was important; she listened closely.
"So, what's with your parents?"
They had both now adjusted themselves to where they were lying on the bed, starring up at the ceiling.
It was ten o'clock.
"Well, they travel like I said. Dad's never there, when my mom is she always has some new boy-toy to screw. I don't know why they don't get a divorce. I think they're embarrassed to be around me. They get so wrapped up in their work it's as if I don't even exist. Maybe they fear they'll say something to hurt me, but I know they want to regardless of my feelings. I've been hurt so much, I think I could withstand the blow. I remember when I first told them, they thought it was just a phase that would go away. They gave up on that though. I know they still want to believe it to this day. That I'll just grow out of it like any other sexual confused teen. They probably like to think they never even had me..."
Despite the emotion rushing through her body, Shannon felt as if a weight was being lifted off her shoulders. She knew she could trust Renee, that's why it felt good to vent her frustration.
"Shannon," Renee could hear the hurt in her voice; the sudden drop in her tone.
Icy, like she was trying to block out the feelings that penetrated.
"Yeah, I know." Shannon laughed, trying to hide the tears that were trying to slip down her face, "That can't be true; how could they think that of their daughter? They do though...they treat it like it's a problem that can be cured, fixed, whatever the hell you want to call it. Do they think I want to be gay? Do they honestly? They don't even know the problems I face. Just by going to school I'm ridiculed and judged. You think I'd be able to count on my parents. They're just as bad as any cocky jock or tight lipped cheerleader."
Shannon shook her head in disbelief. She herself didn't believe what she was saying.
Renee now had her arm around Shannon, comforting her as she cried.
Shannon's barriers had been dropped once again, allowing Renee to step in. To see a side of her that she had never shown anyone else. Shannon hated that feeling of being vulnerable. She hated that she was letting Renee get so close. To see the girl behind the mask that she had crafted so well over the years, it had never cracked. Not until the day she met Renee, the innocent girl who knew what to do to in order to get inside her head; remove the mask and let the real Shannon shine through. They had grown so close and it had only been one day.
"I'd kill to be what's considered as "normal". To not have to worry about facing Hell for the sins I've committed. I am who I am, I can't help that. Even if I tried, I'd never be able to let go of what I've grown so used to." she murmured into Renee's shoulder.

It seems too unreal to believe...I don't want to believe it. I keep pushing it towards the back of my mind, hoping it will all go away. It keeps surfacing though...leaving me to challenge the possibility. I can't...not anymore. I've seeked advice, been reassured, but...it's not enough. It's just not enough. It kills me each day that I hold the secret...every day. I've acted on the thoughts, but nothing seems right. If I could only find a way to change what might be in store for me in the future, I could have a chance...a chance of changing what I know is going to get me. It'll get me good. When I least expect it.


This was a good start. The rest of it was a little bit...blah, if you catch my drift. A quick tip, "seeked" should be sought. There are a lot of other things like that but a quick read-through should do it for you. Your characters are good, if a little unoriginal. keep working at it!

a quick note--the last two sentences of the prologue are really, super cheesy. Change them.

YAY MATTIE!

Very, very excellent, I've got to say...hooked? Definitely. How else could I read through four posts in a sitting?

Mmm, well, the characters of Renee and Shannon need to be a little more unique, I think- considering you go back and forth between them really quickly and mostly the reader's not catching who's speaking or who's doing what, but just understanding that something happened- which can be good sometimes, but not now at the beginning. Now it's bad. You need to make your transitions between mentioning characters a little more smooth and there should be much more distinction between the two to really make the whole piece work.

Second, I think the correct term for a girl would be 'lesbian'. I'd dictionary.com it or something, though, 'cause I could possibly be incorrect...God forbid.

However, I did really like the part where the mom is grilling Shannon. It's quite typical and hilariously realistic- isn't that what moms are supposed to do to your friends? Especially friends who don't say grace.

Anyway, very, very good story, Mattie. See you around!

Chapter 5: Q & A
Renee walked along the line of lockers in the school courtyard. She had wondered where Shannon was until she saw her by her own locker wearing dark sunglasses and smoking.
"Shannon! To what do I owe thy stalking?" Renee asked as she walked up. Shannon turned her head away and nodded. Renee watched as she took another drag of the cigarette and blew a puff of smoke into the wind.
Renee shook her head knowing Shannon wouldn't answer. Something must be wrong.
"Just how are you getting away with smoking?"
Shannon smiled slightly and looked around. Renee followed her actions and saw that there were no teachers in sight.
"Just how are you out of class?"
This time it was Shannon who spoke; her voice slow and mocking.
Renee didn't respond and tried to hide her smile. She was on her way to the bathroom. That is, until she caught sight of Shannon.
"Well, did you skip class?" Renee tried again.
Shannon was trying to change the subject and Renee wouldn't stand for that.
In the distance, Renee could hear the slight hum of a janitor waxing the floors as she waited patiently for Shannon to answer.
Shannon threw the bud to the ground and stomped it out with her heel. She then turned and crossed her arms, "I didn't feel like coming,"
Renee didn't bother to ask why. With Shannon, it was best to let these things come out on their own even if she did have to give her a push in the right direction. Renee wondered what had happened after Shannon left her house that night.
"Do you want to get together after school?"
"How about now?" Shannon asked as she pushed her sunglasses up to her hair.
"What? Skip school?" Renee questioned.
Shannon looked at her and smiled. Renee knew that smile. It was the kind that led to trouble.
It was the period right before lunch; soon the halls would be filled with students and teachers. Renee didn't know if she could do it.
"Yeah, we can go swimming."
Shannon didn't even ask Renee if it was okay. She just took Renee by the arm and dragged her away. Renee found herself praying silently that they wouldn't get caught as they stepped off school grounds.

"Are you ever going to get in?" Shannon asked.
Renee watched as Shannon paddled around the pool on a blow up lounge chair; her sunglasses in place and hair pulled back.
"No." Renee shook her head as she sat in one of the many chairs that lined the pool.
"I've got plenty of suits. You could even go naked if you want," Shannon called out.
"I'd be afraid you would be checking me out,"
Renee personally could care less, but didn't say so. The thought of anything but a platonic relationship made Renee sick to her stomach.
"You? Come on. I may be a lesbian, Renee, but I'm not into the whole 'Friends with Benefits' scenario."
Renee knew Shannon was probably rolling her eyes under her sunglasses, but in her mind liking the idea.
"Is this what you do when you skip school?"
"Basically,"
They were quiet for a moment. Renee wanted to ask Shannon just why she had shown up late for school.
"So, what happened last night?"
"What do you mean?" Shannon asked as she rolled over onto her back.
"I mean, after you left."
Shannon lay motionless, her chest rising and falling as she turned the idea of telling Renee over and over in her head. She didn't feel that she should share everything with Renee until she had to.
"I-"
Renee didn't have time to hear Shannon's response. Instead, she heard the sound of the back door sliding open interrupting her. She saw a woman in heels step out into the sun; she wore a pin stripped suit. Her hair was premed and her fingernails looked freshly manicured.
"Shannon, I'm leaving," the woman said. She slipped her sunglasses off and jingled the BMW's keys in her hand.
Renee stood up quickly and pulled her shirt down as the woman turned to look at her.
"Who's this?" she asked; eyeing Renee suspiciously.
Out of the corner of eye Renee could see Shannon stepping out of the pool.
"Meet my mother," Shannon mumbled as she walked up.
"This is Renee," Shannon gestured towards Renee as she grabbed a towel.
"This isn't another one of your girlfriends is it?"
"Girlfriend?" Renee asked.
"You've got it all wrong Mrs. Willis," Renee tried to explain, but instead she saw Shannon's mother turn towards her sharply, "I was not talking to you."
Renee was shocked by Mrs. Willis's sudden attitude.
"Renee is just a friend," Shannon shrugged, "We were just hanging out."
"Hanging out? Is that what you call it? I come home every month to find different girls to deal with all the while you’re just "hanging out" with them?"
"Renee isn't like that," Shannon glanced over at Renee who stood silently, "She's different."
"Oh, really? How? Will she steal the Mercedes like Sherri? Drink all the vodka in the house to where she has to be sent to the hospital like Marissa? Or is she just another one night stand for you wake up to and forget?" Mrs. Willis asked as she looked at her daughter, a look of exasperation crossing her face. Renee knew that her mother wasn't very accepting when it came to her daughter's midnight rendezvous.
"Mom, do we have to get into this right now? I thought we discussed this already," Shannon whispered; keeping her eyes on Renee.
Shannon knew that her mother could go on and on. She refused to let her go any further to reveal anymore personal things to Renee. She wasn't ready for her to find out everything just yet.
"I can't have you running around with your little girlfriends all the time. Especially after all the things that happened in New York."
Renee watched as Mrs. Willis shook her head and dug into her billfold.
She pulled out a handful of hundreds, "This should last you until I get back from L.A. We'll talk about this later."
Shannon took the money and watched her mother turn away; she gave Renee one last glance as she walked into the house.
"So, that was your mother?"
"The witch from Hell comes to visit me each month," Shannon looked down at the hundreds she held, "I'm sorry you had to witness that."
"Do you want to tell me about your other girlfriends, Shannon?" Renee asked seriously.
"None of them meant anything,"
"That makes it better?"
Renee didn't understand how Shannon could give herself to so many unknowing girls just to feel better, loved for one night, then just move on before she got any further.
She was afraid to get hurt, Renee could see that, but it was no excuse.
"You have no idea what you're talking about." Shannon shook her head and started walking into the house.
"I think I do, Shannon."
Renee followed Shannon through the walkway; her house was one of the many secluded in the outskirts of town surrounded by trees. Tight security system, manicured lawn and
garden, and multiple luxury cars parked in the long circular driveway all screamed for attention.
They had stopped by the refrigerator as Shannon turned, "No, you don't. Just because I tell you one thing, you think you can start giving out advice like you know everything about me."
"I'm giving you advice because I know what you're doing isn't right. You just lead girls on because you're insecure,"
"Who are you? My therapist? You don't know a damn thing."
Shannon hated how her voice sounded. Young and vulnerable; all the things she didn't want it to be.
Shannon had now made her way to the front door. Renee watched as she opened it, "I want you out of my house."
"You know what?" Renee asked as she stepped out onto the porch and turned, "I could care less."

Renee couldn't believe she had just called her mother to pick her up.
"I knew she was trouble right from the start," her mother began as they pulled out of Shannon's driveway. Renee looked in the mirror to see Shannon looking outside a window; her arms crossed and blinds nearly shut.
"What?" Renee asked turning towards her mother. She pushed Shannon away for a brief moment, "You don't know what you're talking about. You don't even know Shannon."
"I do, Renee. I know that she had a lot of problems in New York. That's why they moved here,"
"What are you doing? Checking up on my friends?"
Renee saw her mother clench the steering wheel; Renee had never talked to her mother that way.
"I was told by the school when they called saying you weren't there."
"They just happened to reveal this information to you?"
"No," her mother said slowly, " I asked who you were with and they explained."
Renee shook her head and looked outside the window. The city limit was soon coming into view as she saw the sign.
"I don't want you to hang out with that girl anymore."
Renee sighed heavily, "Do you think that'll solve the problem? If I just stop seeing her?"
"No, but being grounded will."
"What? Why?"
"I know this seems harsh, but it's for your own good. I can't have you just throwing your life away for this girl."
"She has a name. Why won't you ever say her name? It's Shannon. Shannon!"
Renee could feel herself begin to overreact; her anger rising.
Her mother glanced over at her; a look of coldness washing over her face, "Don't raise your voice to me; ever. I don't care what it is you're saying, all I know is that you will not be seeing Shannon anymore."
Renee heard how her mother said Shannon's name; like it was something so foul and putrid that if she just uttered one syllable it would be the end as she knew it.
The drive back to the house seemed to last forever. Renee sat calmly as she listened to her mother preach. She was secretly thinking of all the nasty things she would say if it wasn't for the fear Mother Superior crashing down on her once again. Renee knew that her mother wasn't always this over protective of her, but since Renee's father left her mother always felt that it was her job to keep it together.
It was like her mother was giving a sermon; almost as if she had rehearsed the whole thing before she got there on all the reasons Renee wouldn't be seeing Shannon. That she
would be attending the early Sunday mass, come straight home from school, and she made it clear that there'd defiantly be no Shannon.
Renee pressed her forehead against the window; rain started to fall and she could feel herself block out her mother's voice. She felt that her body was drifting away; the only thing that mattered were the thoughts that remained in the back of her mind. She kept herself focused as the rain fell harder.

I like it, but it's a solid block of text; you should put spaces in-beween paragraphs, just a little comment, you don't have to follow it or anything

Chapter 6: Forgiveness
Renee hated that she would be attending the eight o'clock mass that night. She much rather be at home in her room; the thought of having to praise the Lord and be forgiven for sins were the least of her worries. Despite it being only Wednesday night service, her mother had insisted on Renee wearing something nice and taking a shower. Renee didn't want to argue, knowing it'd only make things worse. So she just went along with it to keep her mother happy. After she had gotten ready, her mother whisked her off to the church in no time flat. They had taken a seat near the front on one of the many uncomfortable wooden pews that lined the church. She tried to adjust herself, but instead had her mother nudge her to keep still. Renee rolled her eyes and bowed her head as the preacher began the Lord's Prayer.

"Our Father, who art in Heaven..."

Renee heard the congregation recite the verse knowingly as they followed. The priest went on with the routine and Renee went along with him, not really paying attention but basically knowing everything by heart. It was ingrained into her; it was automatic. She knew the expectations and prohibitions of the church. She knew that murder was wrong, loving your neighbor was praised, getting slapped on your cheek and turning your face only to be slapped again was admirable, honoring your mother and respecting your father was a commandment. She also knew that homosexuality was a sin.
She looked up to see Father Reynolds drone on; the meaningful words losing all substance as Renee fiddled with the hem of her skirt. Renee mumbled the words under her breath as her mother sat beside her.
A look of peacefulness crossed her face; her eyes were closed, her hair was pulled into a bun, and her legs were crossed delicately. She hadn't seen her mother look like that in a long time. She seemed to be getting distant; always having work to deal with and then her constant worry of how Shannon was effecting her daughter.
Renee's blue eyes gazed upwards until they settled on the crucifix that hung right in the front of the church. There he was, the man that sacrificed his own life for the sins of others. The man who challenged authority. The man who loved them all.
He looks so miserable…
The wooden Jesus, with the crown of thorns, the nails in his hands and feet, and the downcast eyes in so much pain; bleak and lifeless as they cast down a look of shame. Renee felt a chill race up her spine.
If the Romans were capable of doing that to the son of God she could only imagine what her mother was capable of doing. Renee knew that if her mother ever found out about Shannon, she'd probably accuse her of trying to "turn" her daughter gay. Even though she had never heard her mother say it, Renee knew what she thought of Shannon. It was out in the open right when she started asking all the questions at dinner.
Her mother didn't trust Shannon, and it hurt Renee to see Shannon be turned down by one more person based on her actions. The thought of being ostracized by her own mother made her heart twist painfully in her chest. Renee looked down at the Bible she held in her lap. The words confused her; their meaning getting lost as she read over the same few lines over and over again. The church taught her that forgiving is what good Catholics did.

Murderers were forgiven for taking lives and thieves were forgiven for taking livelihoods. So how can you not be forgiven for falling in love? How can love be a sin? If God didn't want homosexuality in the world then God wouldn't have created it. Right?

The rhetorical questions were making her head begin to throb lightly and she did her best to clear her thoughts the only way she knew how, she thought of Shannon. Renee felt like she was suffocating as she heard coughs of elderly people and the shuffle of feet behind her. The thought of what Shannon had gone through all her life made her ache.
She didn't deserve the torment she received from others. Having such lousy parents didn't make it any better. Renee knew without Shannon telling her that life with her parents was rough. With how her mother acted, it was all about controlling.
They didn't get along, and when they would it would all lead back to Shannon with her "problem". Her parents could care less about Shannon. Renee knew this from how Shannon's mother acted. She wanted Shannon to fulfill her dreams, live up to her expectations, and accommodate everything just for her to be satisfied.
Renee casted another side ways glance over to her own mother. She was still in the same position; her mouth open slightly as the pastor continued into yet another prayer. This time, Renee bowed her head and prayed silently for strength. Strength of Shannon and herself.

"Amen."


Shannon held the receiver of the phone in her hand as she weighed her options on why she should call Renee to apologize. She looked down at the tiny buttons; her brain going over Renee's number trying to persuade her to just call.
She probably would hang up on me...
Shannon didn't like to think that's what would happen, but it was one of the more possible reasons on why she shouldn't. She knew that if she just called and got it over with she could sleep well knowing she wouldn't have to worry about facing Renee tomorrow at school in front of everyone. Instead of doing what she knew was best, she dropped the phone to the floor.
Just forget about it...
She lazily fell back onto the bed and rolled over onto her stomach. She stared at the phone as it laid on the carpet with the green talk button still flashing. Each time, she felt herself growing weaker and wanting to give into her emotions. She knew Renee would probably forgive her for what had happened earlier that day, but didn't want to let Renee know that she was absolutely sorry for what she had said. Part of it she did believe. Renee was trying to tell her what she was doing wasn't right without even knowing the whole situation. It wasn't right, what Shannon had done, but something had to be if it lead to something good.
It was Renee that came through after the storm of trying to find herself, the meaning of what she knew was true deep down. Renee was her safe haven. She was open, trusting, and did her best to be the support Shannon needed even though she knew the truth about her. Shannon couldn't control what she felt despite how Renee viewed their relationship.
Those girls she met at the clubs in New York weren't just about one nightstands or living it up just to forget because of a hang over, they were about her figuring out who she was. Skylar wasn't the only girl Shannon had been with; true. She had also not been the last. In order for her to give into the thought that she might like girls, she had to try out all the options. Even if that meant doing wrong to others in the process. In the long run she knew that it would all lead to something lasting, final, in what she felt she needed to express.
Shannon's thoughts soon came back to the phone. She wanted to desperately pick it up, but thought that it'd just be a waste of time. Shannon could tell Renee was accepting to the fact and very open to her being gay, but she didn't think Renee could take it knowing that she had done so many wrong things in the past to get to where she was. Shannon's head was pounding. She couldn't let these things get to her.

Sitting outside of Renee's house as it rained Shannon could feel the thoughts seeping back into her brain one by one; taunting her. If she could just talk to Renee she could explain. She quickly flipped the headlights to a narrow view then broad while messing with the radio trying to find a good song to match her mood. She settled on a rock song and as it hit the chorus she sang what she knew only to mumble the rest.
Turning up the volume a bit more, she could hear the bass pumping through the car. As she peeked outside the window she could see through the tiny droplets that Renee's bedroom light was on. She found that if she stared hard enough, she could see slight movements behind the curtain and tried to resist the temptation of honking.
Shannon didn't know why she kept battling with herself about this. It wasn't that it was hard, just not so easy for her to admit. She knew she was contradicting herself and it was all lies. What she told herself didn’t mean anything if she was still sitting in her car alone. If she didn't go through with it, she'd keep going over the reasons of why she should had never come. On a whim, Shannon opened her cell phone and debated on still trying to call. Or even to see that Renee might have tried to call. Face to face would be a little bit too much if she had come at a bad time. After seeing what had happened in the car with Renee and her mother, she wasn't ready to find out for herself just how "bad an influence" she really was.
The windshield wipers made a slight squeak as they moved back and forth. They were starting to get on her nerves so she just turned off the car all together. It was the second most successful step she had made that night.

Here I am again...
Shannon stood in front of the hideous red door once again. After nearly slipping on the porch steps, she made sure each move she made wouldn't result in making the process even more unbearable. Counting to three quietly, she reminded herself of why she was there. She held up her hand to press the doorbell, but instead moved it to knock. It seemed too quiet for anyone to hear inside with it raining, so she knocked again. This time harder. Shannon froze as the porch light was turned on and the lock was unlatched. The door was pulled open and Shannon made the attempt to be prepared to spill everything. She needed to say it all right then; just so she could get it all out into the open without forgetting a single detail.
"I'm really-"
Shannon stopped and let out a breath of air she had been holding in.
She was surprised when she saw that it was Renee's mother standing in front of her. Shannon thought about turning away and dashing madly out to her car to safety because by the looks of Mrs. Wilk's face, she wasn't so thrilled to find Shannon standing on her doorstep.
"Oh, it's you again."
"Um, is Renee here?"
Shannon didn't feel the need to point out to Mrs. Wilks that she did indeed have a name. It wouldn't do any good.
Shannon could feel Mrs. Wilk's stare. She knew that she was probably soaking wet, so she didn't bother asking if she could come in. From the way Renee's mother was looking at her, with her head cocked to the side and jaw slight clenched, she felt like she'd be over staying her welcome.
"Yes, but she's in the shower.”
"Oh," Shannon paused, trying to think of something witty to say. Before she could get it out, she was interrupted.
"She'll be going to the church. She won't have any time to waste."
From the way she said that Shannon knew that waiting around wouldn't be the wisest choice.
Shannon kept finding herself peeking past Mrs. Wilks so that she could somehow be rescued.
She alternated her weight to her other foot and ran her fingers through her hair. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable.
"Could you tell her to call me?" she asked in one last attempt.
Shannon watched as Renee's mother stepped back rather slowly and crossed her arms.
"If I remember,"
Mrs. Wilks turned around as she heard footsteps descending the stairs.
She then added rather rudely, "You should leave."
Without saying another word, the door was shut. Shannon stood there for a moment going over her encounter with Renee's mother.
She knew that once the door was opened it had been a complete waste of time.
Shannon, feeling like she had made no progress, made her way back home in the rain.

Chapter 7: Rethinking
After slipping by her mother once they arrived home, Renee rushed up to her room. She wanted to call Shannon to see how she was even if she didn't get an apology. Renee herself felt she needed to set things right between them. As she reached her room, she closed the door. After hearing it click shut, she fell back onto her bed trying to calm herself down.
With each ring, Renee could feel her throat tighten. The thought of her mother just downstairs made the moment even more nerve racking.
After the fifth ring, Shannon picked up, "Renee, I'm really sorry about earlier."
Renee was confused, "How did you know it was me?"
"Caller ID of course,"
Renee could picture Shannon standing there, smiling as she twisted a strand of hair around her finger.
"I'm not really supposed to be talking to you right now, but I thought I'd call."
"Oh, really? Am I turning Ms. Wilks into a bad girl?" Shannon asked seductively.
"Oh, please. Don't call me that. You'll remind me of my mother which is someone I definitely want to forget right now."
Renee rolled her eyes and stared at her computer screen across the room. For being grounded her mother was lenient. Renee figured it wasn't even just about her skipping school, it was that she was doing it with Shannon.
"Why? What happened?" Shannon asked.
Renee felt her throat tighten a bit more. She knew Shannon was concerned.
"You don't want to know," Renee shook her head.
If she could prolong what she knew would come out sooner or later it might not be so bad.
"Of course I do," Shannon paused, "You're my best friend."
Renee smiled, "I'm all you got,"
From down the hall Renee could hear her mother's humming while coming up the stairs. Renee, still holding the phone, got up and tiptoed to the door. She opened it quietly and saw her mother's door shut. She only had a few more minutes to spare.
She looked over to the door handle and whispered quietly, "I've really got to go,"
"Wait, are we...okay?" Shannon asked.
There was an underlining nervousness in her rushed words.
Renee made her way over to the computer chair and sat down, "Yeah, we are."
She made the chair spin around as she heard a sigh of relief on the other end.
"Good, because you have no idea what I went through tonight.
I was half expecting your mother-"
"What? You were here?"
The chair came to a halt.
Shannon was quiet for a moment, "Your mom didn't tell you did she?"
Shannon asked this in a apathetic tone. It was like she knew what was going to happen, but refused to believe it.
"Tell me what?" Renee asked as she switched the cell to her other ear, "Tell me what?" she repeated.
"That I had come over? I was going to apologize. It was like hell with that woman. I thought she was about to break out the holy water on me and yell a line from The Exorcist."
That was it. Renee clicked her cell phone off and let it clatter to the floor. She didn't care that she had just hung up on Shannon. She was going to confront her mother about this.

Renee threw open her mother's bedroom door to find her sorting clothes. Renee heard the door hit the wall and send a picture frame crashing to the floor. Mrs. Wilks looked up startled, "Renee? What on earth?"
"You have no right-" Renee started, her face red with anger and hands balled into fists.
"Renee, what are you trying to say?" Mrs. Wilks asked interrupting her daughter with a quizzical look.
"Don't treat me like that! You lied to me," Renee paused, "Why couldn't you have just told me? You just acted like everything was so normal!"
"Honestly Renee, I don't know what you're talking about."
"About Shannon! What do you have against her? Quit acting like you don't know what you're doing!" Renee screamed.
Her mother looked shocked for a moment; dropping the sock she had been holding.
Renee saw her mother close her eyes for a brief moment, only to open them and stand still. She didn't say a word.
"You don't like her! I know you don't! Why the hell not?" Renee questioned.
"Don't use that word," her mother looked at her sternly as if Renee wasn't making any sense at all; ignoring what she had asked.
"Why can't you just accept her for who she is? I don't see why it is you hate her so much!"
This time Renee asked it quietly, "Can't you just tell me? Just explain..." her lips quivered as anger rushed through her body.
Renee had to get to the bottom of her mother's actions.
"She's a bad influence, Renee! I've told you this already. She already has you skipping school to go over to her house with no supervision whatsoever. She's has no boundaries in life or future plans. Her parents are tycoons with money that travel the world only to forget that they have a daughter at home they need to fix. That-that girl has no morals."
Renee shook her head; her mother couldn't get it through her head that "she" has a name.
Her mother had now made her way around the bed to where she stood in front of Renee. Her eyes were tired and worn looking, her brown hair that was graying was pulled into a loose ponytail. The lines in her face deeper, more severe. She looked so old. Renee finally understood what Shannon had been talking about.
"Do you actually think people can just "fix" their problems? It's not that simple-"
"Yes it is!"
Renee saw her mother for who she was right then. Desperate.
"Then why couldn't you fix your marriage?" Renee seethed, "Why couldn't you fix it to where he stayed?"
Renee regretted what she said just then. When her mother hit her, she didn't see it coming. It was a quick blur, a flash of white out of the corner of her eye, and then the side of her face just exploded, burning, as the hand made a sickening slap against her cheek.
"Don't you ever, ever, mention that again!" her mother whispered harshly.
Renee looked at her mother; confused. She didn't say another word.
The prickle of her skin was caused by the tears that fell. Renee turned and ran to her room; falling to the bed only to wish Shannon was there as she muffled her cries.

Shannon couldn't seem to grasp what she had just heard on the other end of the phone line. Renee was sobbing uncontrollably, but Shannon knew what had happened. Renee's mother slapped her. The "can't leave home without a nutritious breakfast" and "note in the lunch box with diagonally cut sandwiches" mother had slapped Renee. Shannon knew it was because of her. It was like something straight out of the Shannon School of Parental Dysfunction. She knew it all too well-the feeling of being let down. Shannon thought about taking revenge right then and there but felt she'd upset Renee. She kept her thoughts to herself. She wanted to say something about maternal mood swings and dangers of estrogen imbalance in women of that age just so she could make everything right-she hated seeing Renee like this.
"She said I couldn't see you," Renee breathed, "because you were a bad influence. She said that I was throwing my life away, Shannon! Can you believe that?"
Maybe you are...
Shannon always seemed to think the negative in times like these. Renee still only viewed their relationship as "friend's only", never to venture to anything more.
Shannon couldn't believe anything she was hearing. It was like she was in an alternate reality; she was heading straight down a path to disaster.
It seemed to be always coming back to her. Why couldn't it just be someone else for a change? Why couldn't she just get what she wanted?
Shannon resisted the thought of making a joke to cover up her aggravation. This was serious. She wanted to say something to calm Renee; to make light of the situation. She did her best to let Renee say what she needed.
"I really wish you were here," Shannon listened as Renee blew her nose, "I really need someone to talk to. My so-called mother is probably thinking about what she did with her nose in a corner. Repenting her sins for forgiveness..."
"How about I come over?" Shannon suggested already prepared to make the trip.
She tried not to laugh at Renee's joke about her mother. She was finding it rather difficult.
"No," Renee sniffed, "If my mom saw you then I'd really be in trouble. Probably grounded forever."
"I bet she'd have the garlic and stakes ready," Shannon nodded, " You could sneak me in though. It'd be like Mission Impossible. You'd be way hotter than Tom Cruise though,"
Shannon couldn't believe what had just slipped out-she didn't even mean for it to. She just really wanted to see Renee, she would do anything.
She tried to move the conversation along; away from her sexual fantasies.
She still was trying to forget the Tom Cruise comment as Renee kept talking. Shannon felt that Renee didn't even seem to mind the comment-it was like she was unphased. Yet, it seemed as hard as she tried, she couldn't seem to get the image out of her head. She felt very dirty for thinking of Renee in that sort of way, because she knew if she ever acted on her thoughts, her insecurities would kick in. Leading Shannon on an emotional rampage to try to block out the ever so charming, lovely Renee of Minnesota she had fallen for from the start. Only just like all the other girls she wouldn't be so quick to forget. Shannon knew Renee wasn't just any other girl, she was the girl. The girl that could twist her heart with a single smile; the sound of her voice sending ripples of emotions through her body. The thoughts that kept adding up to one thing. She couldn't resist Renee; she wasn't the kind of girl you could easily forget in one night that you ever had met. She'd stick with her forever no matter how far away she got from the little town in Nowhere, Minnesota.
Renee's strong sounding voice brought Shannon back to reality.
"She stores the stakes in a chest in her room with lacy corsets," Renee whispered, still going on about the vampire comment, "She's a real live Queer Slayer."
Shannon laughed at the joke. She then remembered what Renee had said earlier that she had totally tuned out, "Wait-you're grounded?"
"Yeah, we skipped school remember? I know it was mainly because I was with you." Renee explained, her voice sounding like it was weird Shannon hadn't caught it the first time she said it.
"We'll probably have detention tomorrow morning," Shannon implied trying to steer Renee away from her mother for a moment. The thought of a middle-aged woman in lacy corsets was anything but attractive.
"Thanks for stating the obvious," Renee laughed.
"Maybe you could tutor me?" Shannon asked, "If your offer still stands."
Shannon really did need the help, "I'm failing math, you know."
"Oh, how I should had known," Renee sighed.
"It's not my fault, honest. I swear my math teacher takes his sexual frustration at home out on his students."
"You bring sex into everything..."
Shannon could see Renee scrunching her face up in fake disgust and rolling her eyes. She heard Renee chuckle quietly. It felt good to hear Renee laugh after what she had just gone through.
"Anyways, would this involve a short plaid skirt and white button down blouse? Should a bring one of those long yard sticks so that you'll stay focused?" Renee continued.
"Maybe for Halloween," Shannon mumbled.
Shannon knew what she meant, but resisted commenting on the idea, "Now who's brining sex into everything?" she asked as Renee ventured further.
"At least mine was funny...old wrinkly men trying to get off to the thought of their wives cooking meatloaf isn't exactly what I'd call thrilling."
I'll show you a thrilling time, Shannon smirked.
"I'm positive you can't come over to my house. So, how about after school I can come over?"
Shannon heard herself say something along the lines of agreeing to the idea. She was too focused on the fact that Renee would be coming over against her mother's wishes. This time it wouldn't be to swim.

Chapter 8: Falling
Renee watched as Shannon read over the contents in the index of a basic Geometry book.
"Learning anything yet, Shannon?" Renee asked.
Shannon had been sitting like that for quite sometime. After serving their detention they had made plans to meet up after school. Now they sat on the bed overlooking the homework they were both assigned. The music in the background Shannon had insisted on blared loudly. Renee didn't know how she could get anything done.
"Of course," Shannon replied and closed the book, "But now it's time for a break."
"We haven't even started!" Renee exclaimed as Shannon got up from the bed.
"I know, but I think the marshmallows downstairs are calling my name."
Renee rolled her eyes and got up to follow Shannon into the kitchen.
"Just what are they saying?" Renee asked as Shannon rummaged through the pantry.
"Eat me?" Shannon asked, her mouth full of the white sugar as she ate one. She held up the bag, "Want some?"
Renee shook her head and laughed, "No, I don't really like marshmallows."
"Oh," Shannon nodded and took a seat at the counter, "So, you never told me about your first time."
"First time?"
"Sex." Shannon grinned, "I told you mine, now tell me yours."
"I was right about you," Renee grabbed the jumbo bag of fluffy marshmallows away from Shannon, "You always have sex on your mind. You're such a bad influence..."
"Oh, good. Now you and mommy dearest have something to agree on." Shannon teased.
Renee shook her head and shoved the bag into Shannon's chest, "Here, take them. They're disgusting."
"Really, Renee. Why don't you tell me?"
Renee stood still for a moment, wondering what she should tell Shannon. She took a breath, "It wasn't what I expected. I wish it would had been with someone else. A new first time."
That's all she would say on the subject.
Renee knew that no one would expect her to have had sex with her mother being so religious. She never did like to talk about it-much less explain how it felt. She felt horrible after it all. She cried realizing what they had done; she instantly wished she could had taken it all back. That way she could share it with someone else. Someone who was special to her.
Renee found Shannon standing there quietly. She was looking Renee over, starring at her. Renee coughed and excused herself to go to the restroom. She hurried down the hall and shut herself inside. After locking the door, she sat down on the toilet and stared at her reflection in the mirror.
She jumped as she heard a knock on the door, "Renee, are you okay?"
Renee could see Shannon's shadow under the door.
"I'm fine," she whispered.
She knew she wasn't. She knew that something was wrong with the way she felt. The playful banter would soon come to an end. She just didn't know if she could handle it.

After Renee had decided to come out of the bathroom, Shannon didn't bring up the subject again. Instead, they resumed studying in her room. She figured that she'd wait for Renee to explain. She knew this was a touchy subject. She also had her heart skip a beat when Renee had said she wished for her first time to be with someone else.
Shannon peeked over her text book to look at Renee who was concentrating on a calculus problem-her brow furrowed. Shannon cleared her throat. Renee looked away from the problem, her face lighting up, "Need help?" she asked.
"I don't understand this," Shannon put her book down and pointed to an equation.
"Oh, this is real easy." Renee said as she took the book and grabbed a new sheet of paper.
Shannon leaned closer to get a better look at what she was doing to solve it. Shannon watched as Renee's hands made signs of counting the numbers in her head and drastically jotting down steps. Shannon could feel Renee's breath against her skin as she told her what she was doing. It sent tingles of goose bumps racing up and down her arm. Shannon looked at Renee's eyes; so focused.
Renee put down the pencil after solving the problem, "Does that help?"
Shannon hadn't heard a word Renee had said. She shifted uncomfortably on the bed and nodded her head, "Yeah, thanks."
Renee smiled and then continued her own studies.
Shannon couldn't seem to get her work done. Instead, she felt Renee's foot brush against hers accidentally. Her heart pounded in her ears and she could feel the blood rushing through her veins. If only she could just make a move; to somehow explain the feelings that were building up inside for Renee. She knew that it would put the both of them in an awkward situation. She couldn't just tell Renee what she felt if she herself had made no gesture of having some kind of attraction. Shannon felt that all hope was lost. She should just give up on the idea of her and Renee ever being anything more than friends until Renee asked the unthinkable.
"Shannon," she said slowly as she put her pencil down, "How do you know if you're-"
Shannon knew Renee would never say the word, but she felt a burst of excitement in her stomach.
"Gay?" she finished for her.
She didn't hear Renee respond. She just kept herself looking at the calculus book in front of her; not meeting the eyes of Shannon.
Shannon thought of what she would say. Renee was serious. Shannon couldn't think of any advice to give her.
She examined Renee closely; her hair was pulled back, her blue eyes cast downward, the blouse she had worn was untucked and wrinkled. She saw a small eyelash on her cheek; Shannon reached over and brushed it away with her thumb. She heard Renee take in a quick breath as she kept it there. Shannon didn't want to mess this moment up-one wrong move and she could fall from the wire she walked upon.
She moved her hand towards Renee's hair, turning Renee's face towards her. Renee bit her lip nervously; anticipating what would happen. All teasing gone-she let Shannon lean closer to where she was looking into her eyes, "It's okay," she whispered, trying to calm Renee.
She was so close-it was just a little further. Shannon could see Renee's lips; smooth and pink. They were wet from her tongue running across them. She let her lips hover-thinking about what she was doing and taking in all of Renee. Her smell, the way she looked, her actions. Shannon could feel Renee's breath against her lips. She let her hand trail slowly down Renee's cheek. They were soft and at each touch she felt electricity. Shannon smiled as she leaned closer. She couldn't wait...
Then Renee pulled away.
The light seemed too bright, the music was playing too loud. Outside a man had driven up in a white van to clean the pool. It was the wrong time. Shannon knew that Renee would freak out-she was scared of what was happening.
"I can't," Renee shook her head. She sounded like she was on the verge of tears, "Not like this."
Shannon watched as Renee gathered up her books quickly and stuff them into her bag.
"I'm sorry, Shannon. I can't do this." she apologized.
Shannon opened her mouth to say something; tell Renee that...
She didn't know what she would say. Her actions spoke louder than her words.
The moment-the trance Shannon had been in that had drawn her to Renee-was broken. She had fallen. She felt this utter disbelief that she had gotten so close in such a short amount of time only for Renee to pull away as quickly as she had started. Renee brought her hands to her forhead; she was a mess. Shannon knew that she had just ruined her chance.

Chapter 9: Finding Out
Renee walked into her house that night baffled. Shannon had driven her home in silence. She was about to go up to her room to think things over when her mother stopped her.
"Where have you been?" she asked rather cheerfully. Renee wondered what this was about.
"I was at school," she lied.
"Well, come here. There's someone I'd like you to meet."
Renee saw that her mother was wearing a very colorful dress and in her hand she held a martini. Renee really didn't feel like seeing anyone much less have to engage in conversation. She looked into the mirror that hung on the wall. She didn't wear any makeup, her hair was pulled into a sloppy ponytail, and her shirt had a stain of chocolate on the collar. She sighed and just decided she didn't care.
Her mother pulled her into the living room and sat her down on the couch, "This is Matthew," she said, "Remember? From down the street and church?"
Renee had to stop her chin from dropping to the floor. Her mother had set her up on a date.
Kill me now...
"Hi," he said as he sat up and extended his hand. Renee ignored it though, "Excuse us," she said and pulled her mother into the kitchen.
"Is this some sick way of apologizing?" she whispered and looked back out to the living room.
"What's wrong? He's a nice boy. His mother is very sweet and makes the best peach cobbler."
Renee watched her mother wave to Matthew as he looked up.
I don't give a damn about the freaking cobbler, mother!
Renee turned and smiled weakly at Matthew then spun around, "And you thought you'd just invite him over for dinner?"
Mrs. Wilks looked shocked, "Is this how you react when I go out of my way to do you a favor?"
"Favor?" Shannon nearly screamed.
Her mother motioned for her to lower her voice, "This isn't a favor! It's like some death sentence!"
"Will you stop being so over dramatic?" her mother asked as she turned to stir a pot of soup that sat on the stove, "Why don't you go out and socialize? I rarely ever see you with a boy,"
Renee nearly walked out of her house right then. Instead, she went back out to the living room and sat down.
"You have a great house," he said, "I love this couch."
Renee saw that Matthew felt he'd demonstrate by bouncing. She had never been so embarrassed.
"Thanks," Renee rolled her eyes. Her mother sure knew how to pick them.
"Your mother is really nice," he commented, "She was the one that invited me over."
"Did you think I was the one?" Renee asked and looked away angrily. She couldn't help it. This really ticked her off.
Matthew laughed nervously and looked over to the kitchen.
"Do you like Dungeons and Dragons?"
Renee almost died. She didn't even respond to the question. Renee just let Matthew explain everything he knew about the game and all of his favorite tactics. It could had gone on forever until her mother said that it was time to eat.
"Are you in a cult or something?" she asked under her breath. He must have heard her because he didn't mention it again.

After the second most horrible dinner of her life, Renee's mother had insisted on playing a game of Scrabble. Renee had ignored most of the conversation between Matthew and her mother through dinner. She just sat quietly and pretended to like the soup in front of her. She couldn't tune them out now. Her mother kept throwing her glances and nodding her head towards Matthew. She wasn't falling for that though. There was no way she'd give her mother the satisfaction of actually pretending she liked what she had done. After a second game, Matthew had gathered up the courage to ask her to take a walk with him. She didn't want to scare the poor guy or make him anymore uncomfortable than he already was, so she agreed. That, and to get away from her mother.
Matthew grabbed her coat off a chair for her and held it up for her to slip it on, but she shook her head. He shrugged and followed her out to the porch. She hurried towards the sidewalk trying to get it over with as fast as possible.
He finally caught up to her and grabbed her arm, "Don't touch me," she snapped and pulled away. The harsh words seemed to startle him.
She didn't like that she was acting so rude towards someone she barely knew, but she much rather be talking to Shannon. Things always seemed to be going wrong between them. Matthew was breathing hard, so she stopped under a street lamp.
"You don't like me do you?" he wheezed as he pushed his glasses up his nose.
She didn't want to answer his question.
He seemed to understand, "You're thinking about someone else aren't you?"
"No, I just had a rough night."
He looked up and smiled, "You don't need to lie."
Renee knew she could trust Matthew.
"It's this girl," she sighed, "We've been going through some things."
He nodded, "You wish you were with her right now don't you? Instead of walking out here with me?"
She turned and looked at him. His eyes were a light blue, his blonde hair combed over to the side with too much gel. He wore a white shirt with a flannel jacket. His pants were too short, and he wore a pair of scuffed up Converse. She felt she needed to give him some words of encouragement. She knew he probably didn't go out on many dates. Or at least ones that the mother had to invite him to.
"Hey," she said as she put her hand up on his shoulder, "You're a real nice guy. I'm sure you'll find a girl who'll you'll mean the world to."
She saw him smile shyly and look down to his feet.
"But, that girl isn't me."

When they had walked back to her door, Matthew stopped Renee before she went inside.
"You'll work everything out," he paused, "If not, she doesn't know what she's losing."
She smiled, and took his hand in hers. She then leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, "Thanks," she whispered.
He blushed madly and then stumbled down the porch steps as he stared at her. She laughed and waved as he rode his bike down to the street, his flannel jacket flapping in the breeze behind him. After she saw him turn the corner, she walked inside. She found her mother sitting on the couch eating a piece of cake and watching Wheel of Fortune. "Oh, how was the walk?" she asked and sat up.
"It was fine," Renee said.
"Don't you want to talk about it?" her mother yelled. Renee heard her set down the plate and hurry to the bottom of the stairs to catch up with her.
Renee stopped where she was, "No, not really."
She couldn't be so nice to her mother. Not after what she had done. She thought that if she did something for Renee she would just forgive her. Renee couldn't let her think that. Before her mother could respond, she turned away to her room.
Lying on the foot of her bed, Renee couldn't get the way Shannon looked out of her head. So close, so...beautiful. The sun was hitting her hair, making it look a fiery red. The two words that made her fear dissolve-the knotting in her stomach ceasing as Shannon assured her everything was okay.
For a moment.
Then Renee realized what she was doing. The thoughts of what others might think wouldn't leave her mind as Shannon leaned closer; her green eyes closing. Renee couldn't go through with it. Before Shannon had gotten any farther, she felt herself pull away. She saw Shannon open her eyes, her hand slipping from her hair and trailing down her cheek wondering what was wrong.
Renee knew the expression that she tried to hide. She was disappointed. Renee felt that she had let Shannon down. Shannon had put aside her fears only for Renee to break away. With every look Renee knew her eyes held something deeper. The light touches of skin yearning and the way she spoke secretly telling Renee that she didn't feel the same way as she did.
Renee still couldn't believe what she had almost done; she felt so aggravated for letting things get too far.
Why had asked such a stupid question that she didn't even want to hear the answer to?
Her head ached as new questions entered her mind.
Ridiculing her for what she had almost done.
What would happen if she liked girls?
Renee didn't want it to come to that. She couldn't let things get extreme to where there was no turning back. She still had time; time to think and push the feelings away.
Renee wouldn't let them get to her. If they did, she didn't know what would happen if Shannon got too close.
Renee saw that her cell phone still rested on the floor. She hadn't picked it up after the fight. Figuring she had nothing else to lose, she grabbed it and flipped it open. The tiny screen said that she had one new voice mail. Renee ignored it. She couldn't face Shannon, much less talk to her. Not after she had ran out leaving Shannon to pick up the pieces.
After deleting the message, Renee opened up the pictures file. Inside, she viewed what few pictures she and Shannon had taken just awhile ago. They were the kind where you strike a pose-holding up the camera only to laugh as it snapped.
One showed the two of them with their arms wrapped around each other lying on Renee's bed. Just as Renee clicked the button to take it, Shannon had leaned over and planted a kiss on her cheek. Renee remembered freaking that if her mother ever came across it, she'd be questioned. Shannon had only shaken her head, "Ren, sometimes you got to lie to live. Sometimes you don't."
Renee never did understand the meaning behind Shannon's words.
She figured she'd find out if she could just accept the truth she was trying to hide.
As Renee came to the last one, her heart stopped. It was a picture of Shannon; her lips pouty and giving her a come hither look. Renee had laughed when she took that photo-instantly saving it and viewing it day after day. No matter how hard Renee tried, she wouldn't be able to get Shannon out of her mind. When it came down to it, it was all she knew she could do to stay sane.

Chapter 10: Party Hardy
"Tear You Apart" by She Wants Revenge.

Got a big plan, this mindset maybe its right
At the right place and right time, maybe tonight
And the whisper or handshake sending a sign
Want to make out and kiss hard, wait never mind

Late night, in passing, mentioned it flip to her
best friend, it's no thing, maybe it slipped
but the slip turns to terror and the crush to like
when she walked in he froze up, leaves it to fright

Shannon had just realized what she had done. She had ruined the moment with Renee; she had lost her trust. Shannon had assumed everything was okay, but when she saw Renee pull away, in her eyes she could see remorse. Even if she wasn't the one to take charge, she felt that it was her fault for letting it happen. Renee didn't seem know what to do about what was happening; she just knew she needed to get away from her. This lead Shannon to believe that she herself was confused about what had come between them. That kiss-the kiss that she couldn't forget for the life of her. She tried calling Renee-to try to explain-but all she got was a recording. After leaving a very lengthy and pointless message and then checking her phone every now and then for some sort of sign, she just gave up.
Renee hadn't returned her call and it was now well into the night. Shannon kept herself awake by replaying the scene over and over again. It was all she could think about.
Shannon still didn't even know what she'd do; what to say even to make it up to Renee. She wanted everything to just go back to how they were before her actions had taken control of her thoughts.
To take some of the edge off, she decided she'd head to a nightclub in the city. Getting dressed up for clubbing wasn't that hard for Shannon. She threw on a plaid skirt, a lacy camisole that showed the right amount of cleavage, and a pair of sleek knee high black boots with red fishnets. Her hair was already curled, so she glammed up her make-up.
Adding glitter eye shadow that swept way above her lid, vibrant red lipstick that set off her lips, mascara to make her eyes look smoky, and a blush that made her cheeks shine, she was ready for the never-ending night.
She wasn't playing the sweet, give her time she'll come around, girl. She was a bad ass, the take what I want and leave when I wish, girl. Or at least, just for tonight. Tonight she was anything but the Shannon Willis of a small town in Minnesota. Returning to her old ways never came so easy to Shannon. Not since New York had she released her wild side. That inner wolf in sheep's clothing. There was a side of Shannon no one knew about, and it would feel so good to let loose.

Its cute in a way, till you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette, knees get weak
An escape is just a nod and a casual wave
Obsessed about it, heavy for the next two days

It's only just a crush, it'll go away
It's just like all the others it'll go away
Or maybe this is danger and you just don't know
You pray it all away but it continues to grow

Shannon could hear the thump of the clubs DJ mix from outside in the ally as she walked; her heels clicking against the pavement. She felt like a goddess in the moonlight. Nothing could touch her.
Shannon didn't bother with the long lines and bands on her arm saying she was underage; there was always a back way in when it can time to enter.
A security guard stood by the door making sure no one would try to get by. Shannon gave him a naughty smile and held up a twenty, "You didn't see me did you?" she asked as she pressed her body into his.
He was young, but older than her. He nodded and moved aside. She smiled seductively and ran her hand down his broad chest. She knew what she had to do to get inside people's head; make them do as she wished. It was the kind of power that made knees fall at her mercy. Good people were to easy to control and manipulate. She pushed past him as he opened the door. It had now become her time to let all emotions escape.

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
"I want to tear you apart"

The club scene was nothing new; the lights that caste shadows across her complexion made her look dangerous and dark, alcohol would be present in her system by the time she left, and she'd give one special girl the pass to come home. She entered instantly into the dance scene; her lips found their way to the closest ear, "Could you point me towards the bar?" she asked. A guy the had been dancing now stopped.
His eyes lingered on her face as he held up an arm, "Towards the back."
Shannon knew that he saw something in her eyes; something unpleasant and controlling. The hot smoky air had made her mouth dry and anticipate the feel of electricity that would be rushing through her. As she made her way through throngs of dancers, she also kept her eyes peeled for a potential candidate. She heard the beat of music change to something sultry; the lasers above slowed their pace to follow a different rhythm. As couples paired off to dance alone, she ordered her first drink. Love on the Rocks.
The bartender had questioned her age, but Shannon didn't feel any need to explain. The reason she was there was perfectly clear. Shannon was surprised when a girl came up and sat next to her as she sipped her Sex on the Beach, "Haven't seen you here before,"
The girl was leaning close. She whispered this into Shannon's ear; her hot breath against her cheek made Shannon shudder.
"I don't get out much," Shannon replied as she pulled away. The girl was tall; taller than she. Her brown eyes sparkled in the fluorescent lights that lit up the bottles of liquor. Her blond hair was piled up on top of her head and the sweat on her forehead made her glisten.
"That's a shame," the girl laughed and set down her glass to be refilled, "I thought you could teach me a few things."
When she said this, her hand came to rest on Shannon's thigh. Shannon looked down; she had found her girl.
Shannon knew that she was only looking for a dance, but what she wanted was so much more than that. She wanted to forget all thoughts.
"You never told me your name,"
"Denise," the girl said as she grabbed her glass, "Yours?"
"Shannon."
That's all they needed to say. They didn't need to know why they were here, who they were with, or what they were going to do after they left. All that mattered was the moment. The moment when Shannon lost herself to the music that pulsed around them.
"I'm going to go to the restroom. Next song is mine?" Denise asked sweetly; letting her hand rest on Shannon's shoulder. Shannon nodded as Denise smiled and turned. Shannon's eyes followed her until she got lost in the crowd.
The bartender had came up to her now, "Want to tell me why you're here?" she asked.
Shannon turned to face her; her eyes questioning.
"Why should I?" Shannon read her nametag, "Kat?"
"It's not everyday that I see a girl coming in and jumping up to every wish and command that is thrown their way."
"Command? It's a dance and-"
"There's a reason behind it isn't there? I see a lot of people that come in here. Different stories, backgrounds, races…I’ve heard it all.” Kat interrupted her.
She sighed when she sat down the bottle she had been holding and leaned forward.
Shannon didn't see where Kat was going with this.
"Nothing I should tell you about," Shannon snapped.
Kat was quiet for a moment. Shannon looked down at the straw that floated in her drink with disgust. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go.
"Boyfriend?" Kat asked and then when she got no response, "Girlfriend?"
Shannon couldn't believe she was having this conversation, "I blew it. She doesn't want anything to do with me."
"So, you came here looking for a way out? How do you think she'll feel when she finds out?"
"She won't feel a thing. She'll never know,"
"There's a saying I once heard," Kat leaned down to where she was eye level, "Love trumps fear every time."
Shannon ignored her. She wasn't afraid. To her, all there is to love is when it ends up letting her down.

Then he walked up and told her, thinking maybe it'd passed
And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance
Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there
Told him how she felt and then they locked in a stare

They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do
Cause there’s always repercussions when you're dating in school
But their lips met, and reservations started to pass
Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last

"You, me, dancing, now!" was all that Shannon managed to get out before she dragged Denise into the middle of the dance floor. Shannon could feel the eyes of Kat starring at her back; watching her every move. Shannon pushed Kat away-she didn't need any more advice.
Without even reaching their destination, Shannon immediately began to gyrate her hips to the loud explosions of guitar, but before she completely lost herself to the music she crashed Denise's body into hers. Shannon knew that Denise didn't seem to know why she had a sudden rush, but instinctively matched the beat and automatically countered Shannon's movements. Their dancing was forceful almost as if they were fighting, and they were. They were fighting for dominance, seeing who could outdo whom. To say that their dancing was erotic would be an understatement. Their grinding was in perfect rhythm with each other and the song.
Shannon had her arms wrapped possessively around Denise, her hands taking turns roaming from the hair on the blonde's neck, down to the skin just below Denise's miniskirt. Shannon's fingers occasionally dipping slightly beneath the material, on their upward slide, but never going further before resuming their trek outside of the skirt.
Denise's body was on autopilot, she had completely lost herself to the music and to Shannon. Denise was practically, unashamedly, riding Shannon's thigh while making sure to maintain eye contact.

Either way he wanted her and this was bad
He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy
Now a little crush turned into a like
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

Shannon knew that if she looked anywhere else, that she'd realize where she was and what she was doing. She also knew that if she closed her eyes, any self-restraint she had left would completely dissolve and all that would be left would be Renee in her mind. She kept her motions quick and her eyes focused. The song ended and the DJ masterfully worked his way into a techno dance beat, making what would be an abrupt change, into a very sexy and smooth transition. Shannon didn't notice the transition until Denise suddenly decided that their bodies weren't close enough and pulled Shannon's head into her neck. When Shannon suddenly had a mouth full of blond hair and sweet-salty neck, the song registered in her mind and she promptly disentangled herself from Denise's grasp and managed to get them both off of the dance floor.
"Why'd we stop? I was really getting into it." Denise asked as soon as they stopped in one of the dark corners of the club.
"Yeah, we almost got into something in the middle of the dance floor." Shannon grumbled, half of her regretting her responsible decision of getting them off of the dance floor, and half of her not regretting it.
"But I love this song!" Denise kept trying.
"I could tell." Shannon mumbled too quietly for Denise to hear.
"What? It's too loud, I couldn't hear you." Denise practically yelled.
Shannon stepped forward, closing the gap between her and the blond, and placed her mouth right next to Denise's ear.
"Can you hear me now?" she huskily asked, and at the Denise's gulp and slow nod, Shannon continued to talk, "Tell you what, you come home with me and I'll play whatever you want."
Denise seemed to understand. Shannon watched as she pulled out of her pocket a white plastic bag. Inside was a hefty amount of white powder, "It'll make you spin," she said. Denise raised her eyebrows and smiled, "Don't worry, you won't feel a thing."
Denise trailed a finger lightly down Shannon's arm and slipped her hand into her small, clammy palm. Looking into Denise's dark eyes, Shannon pulled her away to the bathroom.

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
"I want to tear you apart"

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
"I want to tear you apart"

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
"I want to tear you apart "

Shannon and Denise crashed into the bathroom stall door as they kissed. Their mouths smashing together as tongues swept across lips. Shannon held tight to the blond locks, pulling herself closer so that their mouths were fully touching. The two girls that had been standing at the mirror reapplying make-up gave them a disgusted look and left.
In a previous life, Shannon Willis would have cared less if the girls she was with were uncomfortable about being seen in public. Those girls, of which some faces she couldn't even recall, meant nothing to her. They were used to satisfy carnal desires, to release pent up frustrations, and to make her forget the person she was, if only for a moment. A means to an end. Her past was wrought with mistakes, heartache, pain, anger, and a dozen other negative attributes. She hated what she was but saw no way out of her perpetual cycle of drugs, fights, and one night stands. The illicit substances were toxic escapes that freed her mind from the confines of the reality that she lived in. Pills, drinks, and joints took the edge off that she usually would have had if she were sober. No inhibitions, no looking back, but so many regrets. She was living up to her reputation once again.
Shannon stopped their kiss and lead Denise to a chair that was sitting by a stall. Pushing Denise down, she straddled her waist.
Denise let her hands sneak under the lacy fabric of Shannon's shirt to cup her left breast; the nipple hardening under her cool touch. Shannon let out a moan and leaned into Denise's hand. Denise let out a sigh against her neck as Shannon leaned down to let their mouths connect for the second time. Shannon moved her lips to Denise's jaw; neck, trailing a line of kisses while she slipped down a strap of her halter. She gripped Denise's shoulder and nipped her ear whispering harsh words of encouragement. Denise let out a whimper as Shannon moved her hips against the denim of her jeans. Shannon let her hand brush across Denise's pant line, letting her hand rest on the soft flesh of the hipbone. Denise extended her arm to support the weight of Shannon on the side of the stall as she softly stroked the sensitive skin. They hadn't gotten any further when Denise let out a breath, "Stop," she said. Shannon pulled away and looked around. No one had entered the bathroom.
"Let's go back to your place,"
Shannon grinned and pulled Denise up. This would be the start of the night she wouldn't forget.

Uh-oh... I don't think Renee's going to be happy

I did see a few things I can critique on but a) I'm meant to be doing coursework and b) this is quite long at the moment so... will make sure I critique asap!

EDIT: there is one thing I have noticed which I have time to say now - In chapter 1 she's called Shannon Willis; in chapter 10 it's Shannon Wilks.

Chapter 11: On the Edge
“It’s been two weeks since my last confession,” Renee said slowly, drawing out every single word. The dryness in her throat closed around them so that they would not escape.

“Take your time, my child,” the priest answered.

Renee looked through the small window next to her which bisected his kindheartedly face into small pieces. His head is bowed, a shadow covering his face. He wouldn’t be so kind if he only knew the thoughts in her head. Or what had just happened a few hours earlier with Shannon.
Renee had to get out of the house after her mother had gone to bed. It had been eight o’clock. She knew that the church often was open until nine. It gave her an hour. She didn’t know what Shannon was doing right now, or who she was with, but Renee did know she had to talk to someone. Someone she could trust to explain her confusion. She couldn’t stay in the confinement of the walls that surrounded her at home. All the events began to flood back, like they were on a projector, seeping slowly into her mind as the light flickered. The dark warmth of the small booth was no comfort to her.

Since she had met Shannon in the hall at the beginning of the year, she’s begun to censor her confessions. Renee was doing it now as her head began to filter out the unnecessary details. She sorted them in order of how they happened. They had built up so much that she now understood just how far she had come from the Catholic train of thought. Renee tried to get through them as quickly as she could so that she could give them some sort of abstract shape. That way they didn’t sound so bad out loud as they did in her head. A wave of panic washed over her; she is suddenly aware of the length of time it’s all going to take. Renee consciously came up with less time-consuming descriptions for her petty sins.

Her mother would hate that too. She had an odd attitude toward confession, almost like it’s a sort of show and tell. She felt that it was like putting yourself on display.
Renee knew that there was no one else there; just her and the priest that sat next to her. Renee always felt this sort of strange approval after she was done. Like she was making everyone else happy by taking her time to discuss her sins at length and making sure to not leave out any details. They were full of pauses and coughs as if it shows a greater impression of remorse for what she had done. That way, the feeling to know she was free of the turmoil that built inside her would somehow vanish. The supposed purity of absolution makes everything worth the while. Then, it suddenly occurs to Renee that she isn’t sorry. She doesn’t want to repent. More than any of those things, she wants to do it all over again. Is her lack of remorse the worst sin of all? Have her morals become so careless in the presence of the ever so freewheeling range that makes up Shannon? Why was it that her mother has such a hold over her? Why should she even care at all?

No, she thought and erased it.
That’s exactly what her mother would say. It’s how her mother thinks. It’s the basis for the look of disdain that falls over her face at the mention of Shannon’s name, heightened to outright hatred whenever their gazes happen to collide. Why does she feel so threatened by Shannon’s freedom? Why does it make her so afraid? Why does she resort to such ridiculous measures to place distance between them?

The priest remained patient. Renee heard the chair he sits in creak as he shifted his weight and resettles. In the darkness, she played with the bracelet she had gotten from her mother. It’s silver glinting away, defiantly, a constant reminder. The source of her frustration, made metal, wrapped around her wrist. She didn't even know here mother anymore. She was not the same person. She's not her mother. This woman is controlling and bothered by the sudden actions that were tearing them apart.

“I’m sorry,” Renee apologized, voice small and hushed, wondering briefly if she’s talking out loud. She turned the bracelet through her fingers, turning it over and over with her thumb and forefingers, like it’d make the process much more easier. But now she knew that it’s only leaving the feeling that her mother does not accept her. She did not accept Shannon.

“What’s troubling you, my child? You sound so burdened for one so young.”
The voice is comforting; it’s so calm and steady. It reminded Renee of her father; she saw his calm, kind eyes, love unwavering. It had only been three years ago that he had left on his search to “find himself”. It was more of a midlife crisis. Part of her told herself that he didn’t leave just for himself. If Renee could have, she would have gone with him. Would her actions disappoint him if he only knew what she was going through? She hoped her strength came from him as she sat in the dim light of the candles. She needed it now to carry her through so that she will be heard. Something told her God’s love isn’t nearly as all encompassing as her father’s. The man that would hold her close when she was afraid of the dark and tell her everything would be okay. That in the morning, he would still be there and nothing could ever touch her as long as he was around. But something had touched her. It was Shannon that had gotten the best of her and caused this breakdown. She was the root of the problem she needed answers to. In her father’s eyes, no choice was a wrong one, just another choice. Renee wished she could to talk to him instead if the preist. But, she was at the Church for now. It had to be done. She took a deep breath, musterd all her energy, and finally spoke clearly.
“Bless me Father, for I have sinned.”