The Other Side

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The Other Side
by Patrick Mulvihill

Let me tell you a story of a soul
Lost, alone, with no control
He walked alone

Until one day he stumbled down
to a world devoid of light and sound
Locked away from yesterday
to dwell forever, waste away
A world of his own design
that he called the Other Side.

And from the dark he called to home
He begged to return where the sun still shone
But no one tried to reach his crooked mind
His call echoed and died
But no one cried 'cause he was on the Other Side.


And when the dark closed in and swept around
The tombstone smothered every sound
His world caved in and the ground gave way
His coffin fell and fell for days
So he closed his eyes
And slept in the Other Side.



That is my lyrical piece. The Other Side not only symbolizes death, but also the realm of the outcast and the forgotten.




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The Other Side
by Patrick Mulvihill

Let me tell you a story of a soul
Lost, alone, with no control
He walked alone (I feel like you dropped your rhyme scheme)


-----
But no one cried 'cause (this 'cause is a bit annoying. I feel like you should have just went ahead and said because) he was on the Other Side.


And when the dark closed in and swept around
The tombstone smothered every sound
His world caved in and the ground gave way
His coffin fell and fell for days
So he closed his eyes
And slept in the Other Side. (Again you dropped your rhyme scheme. Don't do that, I found it annoying.


I liked what this poem was about though, despite it's faults.
"In YOUR Indo"




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I'm actually feeling this point a lot. It is ingenious and it really speaks to me. I feel there is just the right amount of rhyming, its intellectual and at the same time not too complex. I have no complaints only encouraging words, keep up with the good work! it really is amazing!
-Upile-




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Thanks for your input! I do agree that "cause" doesn't quite fit with the mood. I just thought "because" would break up the rhythm a bit so I cut it short.



A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.
— Paul Simon