A Call to Arms

I had a writers block for quite some time and have been busy doing a lot of other things. (including designing awesome posters.) Here is my latest poem:



I hope you like it, and if you want to see one of my posters, just message me.

Wow! That was amazing...and very intense. You really captured emotion- I could never tell you had writer's block haha! The only overall comment is that it's kind of long, so the reader will have to be really focused in order to get through it. Also, I think near the beginning when you wrote "He told her and he swore", you can leave out "and" for a bolder statement- so it would be like "He once said to me/That before he left for war/He told her he'd return someday/He told her; he swore". The semicolon may not necessarily fit, but it's an option. This is a very beautiful poem. I doubt you'll have to have to change much. Good luck with your writing!

Thank you very much for the comment, I think you are right, leaving out "and" gives it just that bit more power. Thank you!

Howdy! Walker here with another review, though this time requested ;D. So might we get this show on the road? I think so!

First off, compliment time! I love the topic. I loved the fact you rhymned it. I love the fact that you used shorter, more flowing lines instead of the longer, almost too filled sentences that people seem to think poetry needs these days. And most off all, I love that this topic, though intially something of a love poem, was dark and grotesque and meaningful in its own, sordid manner. So props to you, kid. I definitely found myself enjoying this one!

So, on a not so complimentative scale, its time I put some ways in which to help the weaker areas out, ne?

What I initially noticed about this poem was that it was very very long. It had its up and its down. It showed passion, emotion, and everything you'd want a poem to show, but it seemed to be running on with the same emotion for the entirety of the poem. There were weaker sections that didn't even necessarily have to be there at all. So my first statement would have to be, slim this bad boy down! We don't need 'so much' going on. We just need the emotion and the colour. The vivid interpretation. If it drags on then it would be better as a short story or something in the prose catagorey, ne?

But I digress! Lets continue on.

Secondly, I found that for every super strong stanza, there was a weaker stanza that kind of disappointed me. You have a lovely way with words, and I respect that wholeheartedly, but I couldn't help stopping and reading a few lines over because they seemed wonky. For example;

Swallowing my thick
Gummy mucus goo

I love imagery, don't get me wrong, but this just sounded childish next to some of the more impassioned lines you put forth. That and the imagery with that line is just absolute foul xP.

There were also stanza's that were brilliant and yet there was one or two words that just drove me absolutely bonkers! Like;

And closed up her lair

Is she batman? Does she have a batmobile? xD I'm sorry, and I know that ryhmning schemes are not easy in the least, but could you not have found a better word than lair? This really bugged me cause, in all honesty, that last stanza was my favourite. So, what I'm going to say is pull out a theasaurus of some sort and start really trying to find words that would fit better in the places that seem to have random, unsuccessful lines.

There were also some stanzas that felt like they were building up to something really good, but fell short because you couldn't think of a better word or sentence to go along with the flow, such as;

You sent to me
A letter with pain
That told me in tears
That you'd watched the rain

I was expecting something really awesome! Something about the strain it caused. And then you kind of just... bleh. So if you are going to keep all of these stanzas, make them as strong as humanly possible. You'll have an interesting piece of poetry here if you do.

And finally, the last thing I have to say is that I got confused with who was narrating this piece. It appears that someone on the outside is narrating, then its the man whose off to war, then the woman whose left behind, and then back and forth, but I couldn't really place a finger on who was talking. That being said, if this was in the eyes of more than one person, for future reference, keep this in the eyes of the same person. Or if this is in the eyes of one person, be a little less subtle and help the reader figure out who that person is!

Either way, I liked this and I hope to see more! You know where to find me if so ;D
~Walker

Thank you very much for the review, again. I like your reviews because you actually give me something to work with, some things to fix, and you also tell me about the good things.

My vocabulary is kind of limited, I've noticed the past few weeks, because parts of my poems seem to turn into dreary regurgitations of older poetry with similar, but slightly different wordings. That's why sometimes the rhyming feels off, because I have a limited vocabulary and it's hard to rhyme with words you are not familliar with. (I'm Dutch, so I haven't worked with a broad English vocabulary all of my life, I'm reading a lot of English books now though, so I should be ok. )

Thanks again, and you will almost certainly hear from me again.

You seem to have an obsession with war, my friend. Not that I can't say your good at writing poetry about it. I did love how brutal the words made the poem. I did also like the kind of random single lines throughout the poem. It added a nice change since the poem is so long. The one thing I have to mention is the eight line stanza at the end. If it's just a mistype, understood. Otherwise, I'd just change it to two four line stanzas so it flows better with the look of the poem, if that makes sense. Very well writ, though.

Thank you for the review, appreciate it.
I'll change the eight line stanza into two four line stanza.

Oh, wow, that was beautiful and tragic... I really don't have anything bad to say about it. It was really sad and just really well written.

Hey this was a really good piece, here are my comments:

I'm trapped in this dream,
Of sand dust and mirages.
Of dark crusted blood,
Of sinister images.

Of broken brawn,
And stricken pride.
Of teary letters,
To the family bride. Remember to use punctuation to maintain a good flow

Whose man had died.


Whose man had lied. I liked these two lines as they seemed to echo in my mind

Swallowing my thick,
Gummy mucus goo, A gross, but effective image
With blood ridden teary eyes,
Reminiscing about you.

With a blunt rusty pick,
You punctured my eye,
A blind man can't see,
but still he can cry. I loved this stanza, particularly the last line

Radiation and poison gas.
They filled me with life.
I had something to fight for;
I had a wife. Can I just say: nawwww

I didn't have time to go through the whole thing but just keep in mind that without punctuation the poem will just run like a really long sentence that becomes tiresome to read just like what I'm doing right now. See what I mean? But really, it was a beautifully tragic piece and very well written. I have no critisism other than the punctuation. Thanks. Keep writing

Thanks for the comments, appreciate it.

Yeah, the punctuation seems to be an issue with a lot of people, so I'll fix that in my future poetry.