Pain is Beauty

Pain is Beauty

They dance around lightly, each and every day
And twirl 'round in circles, enchanting in their way.
It seems so amazing, a gift they carry
Though those who know the truth know it is scary

For how long they dance, their smiles seem true,
Their eyes cry for help, calling to you.
Those who watch are oblivious to the pain,
They only clap their hands, their thoughts vain.

A thousand knives in their feet is the feeling
They have every day, their dreams endlessly reeling
In tightly-wound circles and they are desperate for help
Though they only can grin, unable to yelp.

Even when the curtains close
They continue to move and nobody knows
The pain they feel each and every day,
They dance for eternity, forced to stay.

Alright, I'm going to take a shot at reviewing this first, but before I do I just want to say this is one of my first poetry reviews, so forgive me if I lack what you're looking for in a review.

To start off, I'd like to say, welcome to YWS! This is website is one of the best I've ever been on, and it literally never gets boring. So yeah, I'm going to catch myself before I go off on some rant about the greatness of YWS and just say, I'm sure you'll love it!

I guess you could call this more of a pat on the back than a review, because this is a really good piece of poetry! The pace and rhythm are so simple, it's almost catchy just reading it. Read aloud, it would be easy to get this stuck in one's head. With a simple beat behind it, this could even make a fairly decent song. I mean, obviously it's not exactly ready to top the charts, due to it's length, but I'd definitely look at expanding this, lots of possibilities here.

Keep up the good work, and definitely don't stop writing poety, you've got a knack for it. Also, great grammar and punctuation, I didn't notice any huge errors or typos.

Great Job!

>>>Ryan<<<

This poem is absolutly beautiful! This past years I've had some issues concerning my family that I've really been struggling with, and your poem really pinpointed how I feel somtimes. I think it is very astute and positivly moving. You should congradulate yourself on being able to evoke such powerful emotions so clearly. Keep up the good work.

This is like a poem and a story of the life of the people who seem to be perfect. The people who smile the most and seem the happiness most of the time have the most to cry about, and u got that across in this and makes me want to make sure that i treat everyone the same. Very good job!

Oh God, wow. This was epic. It sent chills down my spine. And it rhymes! Normally I find rhyming poetry either clunky and awkward or annoyingly singsongy, but this was great. Really.

Overall, I can say that this was very well written, and that you are very talented!

One thing that does bother me though is the rhymes. They don't seem forced, but I feel as if they suck the life out of the poem as a whole. Rhymes are very tricky, and something very hard to master. They flow very nicely and seem fun to read, but they are very distracting.

A good poem can't just look pretty. A good poem needs to make us think. We need to remember it. Anybody who can affect their readers in that way put a good effort in what they wrote. I'm not saying that you didn't do that, but this could have more potential. I think you could describe the emotions of the 'dancers' more strongly. You're telling us how they really feel, but you aren't exactly expressing it. Give us better imagery about how they seem on the outside. Make us really believe that they are giving the illusion that they're happy and beautiful. This will make it seem more chilling when we understand that on the inside, they aren't.

It was a very good topic and I envy you for expressing it so creatively. if you don't want to change the poem, then I completely understand! But I was just giving some suggestions. Keep writing, please!

It was well written, but the one problem I have is the title. I had no desire to read it because the title was too cliché to catch my attention. That's my only problem.

The rest was gloriously written.

Keep it up!

H.