I care

I care

I am so sick
Of sitting here
Day after day,
Week after week.
Just watching,
Waiting,
For you to snap.
When you hide
Your feelings like that
Keeping them all
Bottled up inside;
It cannot be healthy,
Cannot be good.
Not for you,
Not for me,
Not for anyone who can see
What it’s doing to you.
It’s eating away
Bit by bit,
Day by day,
Week by week.
It’s tearing down the mask
That you’ve placed over your face.
One day you will no longer
Be able to contain it.
All that emotion
You keep hidden inside
Was meant to be freed
And won’t be caged.
So lift that mask from your face,
Just raise your head and walk with grace.
Let others see you
For whom you are.
We’re waiting
Because we care,
Because I care.

I think this poem is really good. I don't really know what else to say. Keep writing!

WOW this poem is absolutely amazing O.O great write!

Aw, thank you This is the first one I've posted so I'm really glad that you guys liked it.

I think you should know that you're very talented and I could never write this style!!

I actually have no idea how to give you advice on how to change this, because it's just too good

Plus, I can completely relate this to SO many things/people in my life.

Sooooo keep writing "HalwayThere"

I care

And I am so sick
Of sitting here
Day after day,
Week after week.
Just watching,
Waiting,
For you to snap.
Becausecomma when you hide
Your feelings like that
And keep them all
Bottled up inside;
It cannot be healthy,
Cannot be good.
Not for you,
Not for me, good line
Not for anyone who can see
What it’s doing to you.
It’s eating away
Bit by bit,
Day by day,
Week by week.
It’s tearing down the mask the concept of a 'mask' is a bit cliche
That you’ve placed over your face. That is the exact mask that you want off, so why is this a bad thing?
One day you will no longer
Be able to contain it.
All that emotion
You keep hidden inside
Was meant to be shown
And won’t be caged.
So lift that mask from your face,
Just raise your head and walk with grace. nice line
Let others see you
For whom you are.
We’re waiting
Because we care, since when is there a 'we'?
Because I care.

There isn't much I can critique on this, it's a good poem. Good work.

Hey I'm Amie and I'll be your reviewer today

NIT-PICKS

And I am so sick This isn't following on from anything so the and is pretty void.
Of sitting here
Day after day,
Week after week.
Just watching,
Waiting,
For you to snap.
Because when you hide I don't think we need the because here.
Your feelings like that
And keep them all Keeping would be better here
Bottled up inside;
It cannot be healthy,
Cannot be good. There's probably a better word you could use here. Good feels a bit bland.
Not for you,
Not for me,
Not for anyone who can see You suddenly begin to rhyme here and it's out of place. Also this line of a bit too general. Everyone who sees him/her won't be affected only those who know & care for him/her.
What it’s doing to you.
It’s eating away
Bit by bit,
Day by day,
Week by week. I like the way you've sort of recycled this
It’s tearing down the mask
That you’ve placed over your face.
One day you will no longer
Be able to contain it.
All of that emotion
You keep hidden inside
Was meant to be shown freed?
And won’t be caged.
So lift that mask from your face,
Just raise your head and walk with grace.
Let others see you
For whom you are.
We’re waiting I think this may be a better line to end on
Because we care,
Because I care.

Aside from my little nit-picks you have a lovely poem here. Maybe you could offer some kind of reflection of who the person used to be before they started wearing the mask, could be quite a nice and hopeful image to create.

Keep writing
-Amie

I absolutely love the repetition of some lines, it really creates the image of this everlasting fortress of hidden feelings. I have no critiques on this whatsoever. Overall, it is a good poem. Keep writing! (:

Thank you to each and every one of you! I genuinely appreciate your feedback. I see what you're saying about corrections and whatnot. Thank you, again.