Black Lake

Okay, so clearly this is a metaphor. I thought maybe it would be easier to judge if you knew what that metaphor was. It's a metaphor of a person who hides what they are feeling, and I guess that person being the black lake, those feelings are probably very dark. You might understand it a bit more now. Anyways, enjoy.






Beyond the trees, and out of sound,
There's this black lake above the ground,
It's hidden in secrets, the deepest and darkest,
And if you pass by with a blink you would miss it.

You will not find it if you search,
It's protected by the sun that lurks,
So if you happen to be driving by,
drag your feet but don't appear to pry,

A mystery, it would appear,
But bubbles do rise to the surface,
Though they are not clear.

So if you can keep a secret, and never tell,
the gates and barriers might reveal themselves,
But you need to watch carefully as you pass,
The black lake wasn't made to last.

Well first off, I really liked this. It provided nice imagery and it was genuinely enjoyable to read. I can't say that I know exactly what you intended the metaphor to mean because I feel like it could be interpreted in many ways, which is nice. So even if what I got from it isn't what you meant, I was still able to connect to the poem, or at least my understanding of it, and I think that's an admirable accomplishment. Bravo.

Just one more thing. Most of your lines were capitalized at the beginning, but not all of them. I think it would be better if you kept it consistant and capitalized all of them, or none of them. It's up to you, but I find that a poem is more visually appealing and slightly easier to read when every line begins with a capitalized letter.

Good job with this

Hey Sakura, I'm Solvy and I'm going to review your poem today.

SakuraFallsSweetly♥ wrote:Beyond the trees, and out of sound,
There's this black lake above the ground,
It's hidden in secrets, the deepest and darkest,
And if you pass by with a blink you would miss it.

This first stanza is good, I like it. Specially the second line. ♥

SakuraFallsSweetly♥ wrote:You will not find it if you search,
It's protected by the sun that lurks,
So if you happen to be driving by,
drag your feet but don't appear to pry,

Okay, the last line confuses me. I don't know what you mean with that. Maybe you can give us more details of your idea. =] Though the second line rocks.

SakuraFallsSweetly♥ wrote:A mystery, it would appear,
But bubbles do rise to the surface,
Though they are not clear.

I believe this means no one will ever know the secret... not completely. Nice!

SakuraFallsSweetly♥ wrote:So if you can keep a secret, and never tell,
the gates and barriers might reveal themselves,
But you need to watch carefully as you pass,
The black lake wasn't made to last.

This is my favorite stanza, it made me get excited. I guess, by the last line, this mean the secret will be reveled soon.

This is a good poem. Secrets are one of my favorite topics. I have a poem called Mr. Silence, it's about hiding feelings, and I used a metaphor too, but that's out of topic.
This doesn't have to be a bad feeling, I guess. The black lake was dark, but it was because there was no light and it was hided. I really like your metaphor, and I think this has a good flow and potential. Good job, keep writing.

~Solvy